Post # 1
My mom was at work the other day and received a call from a cousin who was excited to hear of my engagement and in her words “could not wait for a family wedding”. Problem is, she is NOT on the guest list.
She is my mom’s first cousin, but we are not that close all of my grandfathers side. He had 9 siblings we are close to maybe 2 out of the 11. Long story short, there was been a generational divide. There have been plenty of weddings and babyshowers we have not been invited to on that side and that’s ok. We are not close.
I can only remember seeing this cousin twice in life, once at a funeral and once at a family bbq. I was under the age of 10. I’m now 27. Mom chocked and told her she was invited. When mom told me, I flipped. I have friends we can not invited due to cost but mom told this cousin to come?? I WOULD NOT KNOW HER if I saw her walking down the street! Matter of fact, her SISTER saw me in the store once, looked me dead in the face, and walked away! I’m my mother’s clone!!
Mom offered to pay the $26 for her meal but I do not want her at the reception. Would be to be tacky to invite her to the wedding only?? It is only because I do not know her. This is a wedding reception, not a birthday party. Mom has made me feel like a heal. Would you invite her if her meal is free?
I feel that if we do she will fade back into obscurity. She only calls Mom when she needs work advice.
Post # 3
I know it may seem harsh but I flat out refused to invite family members I do not associate with or care for, and my parents understood. They may be family but I have friends that are closer, it’s not a family reunion!
Post # 4
I think you are kind of stuck since your mom has already told her that she is invited. I don’t think its appropriate to invite her to the ceremony only. Especially if she is the only guest that you did this to. Considering your mom isn’t even asking you to pay, its not that much to ask that she come. Make sure your mother understands that this is the only exception and if any other cousins call her, that the guest list has already been set. Considering how many people you’ll have at the reception and how busy you’ll be, you would not even notice that she is there.
Post # 5
I would definitely invite her, but I know others will disagree. Esp. if the issue is just that you don’t know her, but not that she’s obnoxious or something. Blood’s thicker than water, right? Plus, your mom already kinda invited her . . . .
Post # 6
I wouldn’t mind at all, especially if I wasn’t paying.
Post # 7
Thanks for the advice.
It’s just I have friends who I was closer to growing up that I can not invite but this cousin gets a free pass?
Also, if I invited her, I would have to invite about 20 others from that side who quite frankly were not nice to mom growing up nor do not keep in contact now. They would be “offended”. I frankly think my mom’s money could go somewhere better, like those favors she promised to buy LOL
I was just not going to send her an invitation and if she called explain to her the open ceremony and give the “limited space” reception speech, even though the hall holds 500.
I’m just angry my mom cracked under pressure, especially from someone who I could not pick out of a line-up
Post # 8
This is a tough one. My parents even told me not to invite anyone I haven’t seen in ages while FH’s extended family apparently only gets together at funerals and weddings, so they all ASSUME they are invited, as it is the family tradition. That explains our out of control guest list on FH’s side.
I’d say let your mom invite her, pay for it, and decide where she should sit. It is kind of tough for your mom to back out now. Here is another thought, though: Is she married or living with someone? In that case you need to invite her SO too!
I would be angry, too.
Post # 9
I know it’s against etiquette, but in my opinion your mom should call the cousin back up and retract the invite. I’d have her apologize and say that she said yes without consulting you, and now she has found out that you absolutely cannot accommodate any more guests.
Fiance and I don’t want anyone at our wedding that we haven’t had any kind of contact with in the past three years that we’ve been together. So sorry, distant relative who hasn’t seen Fiance since he was 4, but you didn’t make the list.
Post # 10
i’m sorry, all i could take away from this post was that you have meals for $26/pp….what a steal!
Post # 11
LOL thank you!! We are having it on a military base that is popular around here (Virginia). The food is divine and cheaper because the Hiltons around here start at $32 and the Marriots $30
Post # 12
If it was just me coming up with the invites… no. I would not invite her. I am firmly of the mind that these distant relatives have had 20-some-odd years to get to know me, if they chose not to then that’s their loss. Why should they be invited to our wedding, to have a stranger witness such an intimate moment of our life?
In your situation though, I don’t think there’s much choice, since she’s already promised the invitation. I can totally sympathize with you though… My mom is paying for the reception so I really had no say in our guest list. (She’d say otherwise but she lays the guilt trip on pretty heavy.) We’ve fought about it quite a bit.