- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2012
Let me explain the situation. It’s kind of long, so bear with me.
During college (I am in my late 20s now), I was part of a large group of friends. It was about 15 people. We did everything together…hung out during the week, went out together every weekend etc. It was really a great time in my life and I liked being friends with all these people. But then we graduated and people moved away. Of course none of us were as close as we were in college, but we all kept in touch via an email chain. We’d email each day and everyone was pretty well connected that way.
One of my friends, I’ll call him Steve, got engaged to a girl he met during the last few months at college before we graduated. I didn’t know his fiancee very well because I hadn’t spent a lot of time with her, but from the very beginning she didn’t like me. I thought this was weird, since I like to think I’m a nice person, but for whatever reason, whenever we were around each other, she would give me what I consider to be dirty looks and would intentionally ignore me. It was awkward but I just let it go. Steve and I were always only friends, so there was no reason to hate me. I had NO interest at any time in Steve.
So they start planning their wedding, and people on the email chain talk about it occasionally. They sent out their invites and people start making travel plans (you can probably see where this is going). Long story short, FH and I were not invited. I felt very sad about it, and it was especially hard when people on the email chain were talking about how excited they were etc. I couldn’t understand why you’d exclude one person in the group of friends. I cried about it (maybe a little pathetic but oh well). I finally decided that even though they didn’t invite me, I still cared about Steve and cared about his marriage, so a few weeks before the wedding, I sent them a modest gift off their registry. I never received any thank you verbal or otherwise, or any recognition for the gift, and again I felt rejected by this couple.
So about a year later, a similar scenario occurs. Another friend (I’ll call him Greg) in that friend group gets engaged. He had moved away to the west coast and met a girl. A few people in the friend group met her a few times (including Steve and his wife) and it appeared via Facebook that Greg’s fiancee and Steve’s wife had become fast friends. I finally met her too and she seemed nice enough (no evil looks at least). Long story short, FH and I were not invited to this wedding either. This one stung even more because I considered myself to be closer to Greg during those college years than Steve (although again, there was NO romantic involvement there). People in our friend group said “Don’t feel bad, it’s a small wedding. They couldn’t invite everyone.” But then I saw pictures and it did not appear small at all. It by all accounts, was very lavish. And I saw pictures of guests who we all considered to be “acquaintances” during college were there. And of course, I decided the nobel thing to do would be to send them a gift anyway, to show I still cared about their marriage despite being axed off the guest list. And again, no thank you or mention of it ever.
I have shed tears over this and suffered feelings of rejection and it has made me question if I was delusional all those college years in thinking these people actually considered me a friend. It is about 1.5 years since all this occured, and I am now engaged and planning my wedding. I have always thought that I absolutely want all everyone in that group of friends to be at my wedding. I would never have thought about excluding anyone, until now. I don’t want to be petty and “tit for tat”, but then part of me doesn’t really want people at my wedding who clearly didn’t want me at theirs, and have made me feel so bad about myself. People will definitely notice I’ve excluded them from the guest list though, and the last thing I want people to think of me on my wedding day is how immature and petty I am. So my question is, what would YOU do? Would you invite them?