Post # 1
I am having a hard time figuring out if this is what I want to do. In the past had someone asked me this question I would have been like “who cares you can talk on the phone, take the money!” but now that I am older and settled and in a serious relationship it apppears my views have changed.
Bit of background:
I finished school last May and my SO was supposed to be done then as well, but couldn’t find a job in his field so he went back for one more year to do a different major in the same field so he will have 2 diplomas when he is done as long as he gets 2 work placements.
We are in a pretty tight situation financially right now because I am the only one working, at a low paying entry level job that is giving me lots of experience, but it pays about 10K less thant most entry level jobs in this field. Also, I am doing the job of 2 people for that pay so I am feeling discouraged about going back to school and getting myself in debt with student loans and we are blowing through the money my SO is supposed to be putting towards my house on everyday stuff like bills. I took this job with low pay thinking the SO would be working too so it wouldnt be so bad and today I was told to start looking for a new job now because it looks like the company is closing/downsizing.
I am considering going up north to work for 6 months – one year to make money to pay off our debt because even with the ridiculous cost up there and the fact that I would still be paying for half down here, with the subsidies most work places provide for housing and the northern allowence you recieve I would be making $1000-1500 (after bills, groceries, rent and mortgage and bills at home) more then I do now.
Taking a job there would mean I would only see my SO maybe twice in a year because its expensive to fly back and forth and I wouldn’t see my dogs or cat at all! I don’t know if the emotional pain of missing my little family is worth the monetary gain? Would you do it? Why or why not?
Post # 2
When I first read your question, I thought that there is no substitute for time spent together in a relationship.
Then I read that you are a recent college graduate. How serious is your relationship? Is this your husband to be and would be say that you are his wife to be?
Also, whose debt is this? Yours or his?
Post # 3
SparkleTangerine: so i’m not in the exact same situation but here is my situation/input.
my FI and i live together with our fur-baby. we LOVE spending time together and are those people who are truly best friends and partners. i was offered a promotion at my job, and it was a big one. it was a great opportunity, but it also meant moving 6 hours away. my FI is still finishing college (he graduates next week actually) so he wouldn’t be able to go at the same time as me although he would be able to join me.
after many many talks with him about it, i accepted the promotion. it was a 10K/year pay raise, plus room for growth and bonuses/benefits. he talked to his work too and was able to secure a promotion as well which is awesome. the down side though, is that for the last month, and for another 2-3 weeks (so 6-7 weeks total) we’ve been 6 hours away from each other. let me tell you. it is hard as hell. calling, texting, skyping is all great…but it is NOT the same. i miss him and our pup every day; i know i get to see them in 3 weeks or so but that doesn’t make every day still just as hard.
only you know your relationship and your financial situation. but i’m here to tell you that i don’t think i could do it for a year. by the time mr. h and the pup get here on the 19th(ish), that will be my limit. i’m strong, and i know our relationship would survive however long we needed to be apart. but you lose out on so much not having a physical relationship. and i don’t mean sex (though you’ll miss that too); i mean just holding hands, a hug when you’ve had a bad day, experiencing things together. there won’t be any of that.
sorry my response wasn’t more positive. 🙁 if you do 6 months, it might be a little more doable but a year is a long time not to see someone.
Post # 4
I am not sure why it is showing up as a wall of text I have tried editing to put spaces between the paragraphs… sorry!
Post # 5
I couldn’t be away from my husband and our dogs. That wouldn’t be worth the monetary gain to me.
Post # 6
jamb: We have talked about marriage and if all goes as planned will be engaged in a couple years once we are more stable even though we have talked about just eloping my SO still wants to be in a better place financially.
Its my debt but he is getting in debt too from being in school and once we are married it doesn’t benefit either of us to bring in a bunch of debt.
Post # 7
Personally, no. We moved to our city because I had a job (he then planned to go to graduate school here because of that) and because my family lives close by. At this point, the extra money wouldn’t be worth it to leave FI and being so close to my family. Not to mention, I LOVE where we live!
Also, we live in an area of the country with good job prospects and salaries, and I know that as a future teacher (I’m finishing grad school this spring), our city has one of the highest starting salaries in the nation. In FI’s case (he’s in law school), he already has a summer associate position at a big law firm, and starting salaries are exactly the same around the country for big law, so again, he wouldn’t make more anywhere else.
In your case, it sounds like things are a little more dire, so I might consider it. Couldn’t your SO join you in your new location after he finiishes this year of school?
Post # 8
SparkleTangerine: In that case, it’s a really tough call. Being apart for so long will absolutely affect your relationship, but not being in better financial shape will also affect your relationship. Will the job up north improve your lifetime income potential or is it just short term cash? If it’s an investment in your future, then do it, otherwise, stay home and take the slow and steady route, that’s my vote.
Post # 9
SparkleTangerine: I can’t think of any realistic situation where I would be willing to move away from FI for a job. To me being happy is my number 1 priority, not money. So as long as we are able to survive without it, I would not take the job, because it would make me very unhappy. If it was a really great position, then FI would move with me.
Post # 10
SparkleTangerine: Personally, no. I would not do it. DH and I spent the first 10 months of marriage apart from eachother do to work (saw eachother twice). In my opinion no amount of money was worth the time we spent apart.
Post # 11
Hmm. Well I have done this and am away from home right now. It has been good for our finances and there is a hell of a lot to be said for that. But I am not sure I am going to get the payoff in terms of long term career prospects. Lets see.
Post # 12
It wouldn’t be the right decision for me. No amount of money would make up for the separation.
We’re older and pretty much set in our ways
Post # 13
If he’s not working, can’t he move with you? Are there schools in the area that he could transfer to?
A couple years ago, DH (then-BF) was offered an amazing job in another state. We both quit our jobs and moved. Him going without me never even crossed our minds.
Post # 14
I’m all for separation once there’s a specific time limit attached. You know that it is temporary and that you’ll only be there for a few months to a year. That time will fly by and I think it’s worth it if you two are so hard up financially. Furthermore, as a recent college graduate, you could use all the experience you can get to make you as viable as possible in the workplace. If I were you, I would go.
Post # 15
I agree with PP that since you guys are not engaged yet, I would definitely take the job if it meant putting experience under your freshly graduated degree. Being in a LDR sucks, trust me I know. My FI and I have been together for 4 years, known each other for almost 10 years, and we see each other 2-3 times a year. Once in the summer, and one in the winter, with sometimes an extra visit for a birthday or very important celebration. He lives in eastern Canada and I live alllllll the way down 5 minutes away from the mexican border in California. We’ve got another 2.5-3 years as well before we’ll ever be able to live together. If it meant that you gained experience, the short term wait is nothing in comparison to the bigger range of possibilities with a future job that you would have open up for you to take so that you COULD be with your boyfriend. I also believe that if you can make it in a VLDR for a long period of time, your relationship will open new boundries and you’ll understand that relationships are very hard and communication is KEY(I’ve always had problems talking with previous boyfriends but with my FI I don’t even have as great communication with my own family then I do with him!).
tl;dr: Take the job. Since you aren’t engaged yet and don’t plan to be for still another several years, taking this job would be the best thing for your future if it pertains to gaining experience in the field of work you plan to pursue.