Post # 1
One of my FI’s cousins has texted asking if she can bring “someone” to our wedding. Her mom isn’t coming to the wedding, so she asked if she can bring “someone” in her place. Keep in mind her brother, sister, father, and all their other cousins will be at the wedding so it’s not like she won’t know anybody there. Our wedding is in San Diego and she lives in LA. I told her no, we can’t accomodate her guest. She said she understands. Mostly we said no because I’m afraid if I let her bring a date then rest of her siblings and cousins will also ask to bring dates. If we say yes to her, then we’d have to say yes to everyone else. We haven’t met the guy that she wants to bring, but apparently they’ve been off and on for about 2 years. We aren’t close to her and I had no idea that she had even been dating someone at all, even if it is off and on. When you ask her if she’s dating anyone or if she has a boyfriend, she says no. She still plans on having him come down to San Diego with her on Friday night and our wedding is on Saturday. He’ll just wait at the hotel during the wedding I guess. Knowing that he’ll actually be at the hotel during the wedding, would you just let him come anyways? Would I love to give everyone a plus one? Sure! But money wise it just isn’t possible. As I’m sure you all know, each guest costs a good amount of money. I’d really like to minimize our costs. We were very careful with our guest list and there were people we would of like to invite, but didn’t due to costs.
Post # 3
Yes. She should have been given a +1 from the start.
Post # 4
@rand04: Annoying, but in the end I’d probably let her bring him if he’s going to just be sitting in the hotel room. But maybe wait til closer to the wedding date to let her know so your fear of everyone else asking doesn’t come true.
Post # 5
Yes I would. If you’re worried the rest of the cousins will be pouty about it, when they ask just tell them he’s takings the mom’s seat.
Post # 6
@MadTownGirl: That’s what I’m leaning towards doing. It’s just so annoying because I feel like I’m being forced into letting him come.
Post # 7
@rand04: that is SUPER annoying. She always says she doesn’t have a boyfriend but then suddenly has one when she wants to bring him to a wedding? Then she is bringing him with her to SD even if he isn’t invited? She’s forcing your hand and its annoying. I guess it’s nice of you to bend but I hope it doesn’t cause issues with the other cousins.
Post # 8
I’m going to go against the grain and say a big fat NO.
She’s not dating him, per her own statement. You don’t know him, so he really truly would be a plus one in my eyes. And it’s their choice for him to go to the hotel with her- he doesn’t have to go with her, especially considering they aren’t an established couple.
Honestly, it sounds like she might be trying to subtly guilt you into letting him come since he’ll be there anyways. I wouldn’t put up with it.
I don’t subscribe to the everyone gets a guest theory. It’s nice in thought, but pretty impractical when you realize that could effectively double your guest list.
Post # 9
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
You’re not even going to notice one extra person there. Trust me, you will be very preoccupied! I’d give her a +1.
Post # 10
I would also say no. We went against etiquette and made a rule about dates: not engaged, no +1. If we hadn’t done that we would have had to add about 100 more people (that we don’t know) to our already huge guestlist, costing us about $5500 more that what we’re already spending, PLUS that is 100 strangers at OUR special day, nope no thank you.
So far no one has asked or made a big stink, most people understand (although we have 7 months until the wedding). The only person who did was FI’s mom who wants his cousins BF to come, neither one of us have met him ever (they live far away) and in the 5 years FI and I have been together we’ve only seen/I’ve only met her like 2-3x. Plus in the end, we are paying for this not FMIL so we get the final say.
Post # 11
If he actually comes to the hotel then just let him come…and like a PP said tell the other cousins hes filling her moms seat. We invited my DHs aunt with a plus one and her daughter. His aunt couldnt find a date – so her daughter brought her boyfriend instead. Wasnt a big deal at all!
Post # 12
I gave everyone a plus one. So my vote is yah, sure, why not let the cousin bring someone.
Post # 13
We didn’t give random plus ones to people who knew other guests. She said they’re not dating so they’re not a social unit. I would say no.
Post # 14
@rand04: I agree with Apple_Blossom. It is the principle of the thing. She isn’t immediate family, she isn’t in the bridal party, and it isn’t like you’re ignoring her S.O. because there isn’t one (her word choice was “someone”, not “boyfriend.”) She shared he is coming to visit her, a piece of information you really don’t need to know to make your decision…other than to lay guilt on you that he will be there anyway so may as well let him attend from her perspective. Sorry, but no. He is coming to visit her knowing he can’t attend the wedding and so what he does with his time is his business. He doesn’t *have* to stay at the hotel room — he could do any number of things to spend his time. Likewise, she doesn’t have to stay at the wedding long, or even at all. Keep to your rule.
Post # 15
I’d say no. My wedding is extremely small and I wish it was smaller. If anyone I invited couldn’t come, that would free up a space for a friend I didn’t/couldn’t invite. Maybe she thinks you just need a space to fill in her mom’s absence, but you don’t.
Post # 16
If anyone asks, just say you told her no but she brought him anyway, and it has upset you but you can’t kick him out at this point so everyone’s going to have to deal with it.
Let her know that she will have to deal with all your siblings/cousins who couldn’t bring the plus one’s wrath and maybe that will change her mind.
I’m facing the same thing, because my friend can’t bring his flavor of the week he’s basically policing everyone for me.