Would you let her bring "someone"?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you let his cousin bring a date?
    Yes : (22 votes)
    37 %
    No : (37 votes)
    63 %
  • Post # 3
    3948 posts
    Honey bee

    Yes. She should have been given a +1 from the start.

    Post # 4
    1787 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @rand04:  Annoying, but in the end I’d probably let her bring him if he’s going to just be sitting in the hotel room.  But maybe wait til closer to the wedding date to let her know so your fear of everyone else asking doesn’t come true.

    Post # 5
    2189 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    Yes I would. If you’re worried the rest of the cousins will be pouty about it, when they ask just tell them he’s takings the mom’s seat.

    Post # 7
    6958 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @rand04:  that is SUPER annoying. She always says she doesn’t have a boyfriend but then suddenly has one when she wants to bring him to a wedding? Then she is bringing him with her to SD even if he isn’t invited? She’s forcing your hand and its annoying. I guess it’s nice of you to bend but I hope it doesn’t cause issues with the other cousins. 

    Post # 8
    2173 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I’m going to go against the grain and say a big fat NO.

    She’s not dating him, per her own statement.  You don’t know him, so he really truly would be a plus one in my eyes.  And it’s their choice for him to go to the hotel with her- he doesn’t have to go with her, especially considering they aren’t an established couple.

    Honestly, it sounds like she might be trying to subtly guilt you into letting him come since he’ll be there anyways.  I wouldn’t put up with it.

    I don’t subscribe to the everyone gets a guest theory.  It’s nice in thought, but pretty impractical when you realize that could effectively double your guest list.

    Post # 9
    3344 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

    You’re not even going to notice one extra person there.  Trust me, you will be very preoccupied!  I’d give her a +1.

    Post # 10
    722 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I would also say no. We went against etiquette and made a rule about dates: not engaged, no +1. If we hadn’t done that we would have had to add about 100 more people (that we don’t know) to our already huge guestlist, costing us about $5500 more that what we’re already spending, PLUS that is 100 strangers at OUR special day, nope no thank you. 

    So far no one has asked or made a big stink, most people understand (although we have 7 months until the wedding). The only person who did was FI’s mom who wants his cousins BF to come, neither one of us have met him ever (they live far away) and in the 5 years FI and I have been together we’ve only seen/I’ve only met her like 2-3x. Plus in the end, we are paying for this not FMIL so we get the final say.

    Post # 11
    1526 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    If he actually comes to the hotel then just let him come…and like a PP said tell the other cousins hes filling her moms seat. We invited my DHs aunt with a plus one and her daughter.  His aunt couldnt find a date – so her daughter brought her boyfriend instead.  Wasnt a big deal at all!

    Post # 12
    10748 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I gave everyone a plus one. So my vote is yah, sure, why not let the cousin bring someone. 

    Post # 13
    6455 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Apple_Blossom:  +1

    We didn’t give random plus ones to people who knew other guests. She said they’re not dating so they’re not a social unit. I would say no.

    Post # 14
    2055 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @rand04:  I agree with Apple_Blossom. It is the principle of the thing. She isn’t immediate family, she isn’t in the bridal party, and it isn’t like you’re ignoring her S.O. because there isn’t one (her word choice was “someone”, not “boyfriend.”) She shared he is coming to visit her, a piece of information you really don’t need to know to make your decision…other than to lay guilt on you that he will be there anyway so may as well let him attend from her perspective. Sorry, but no. He is coming to visit her knowing he can’t attend the wedding and so what he does with his time is his business. He doesn’t *have* to stay at the hotel room — he could do any number of things to spend his time. Likewise, she doesn’t have to stay at the wedding long, or even at all. Keep to your rule.

    Post # 15
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’d say no. My wedding is extremely small and I wish it was smaller. If anyone I invited couldn’t come, that would free up a space for a friend I didn’t/couldn’t invite. Maybe she thinks you just need a space to fill in her mom’s absence, but you don’t.

    Post # 16
    615 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014


    If anyone asks, just say you told her no but she brought him anyway, and it has upset you but you can’t kick him out at this point so everyone’s going to have to deal with it.

    Let her know that she will have to deal with all your siblings/cousins who couldn’t bring the plus one’s wrath and maybe that will change her mind.

    I’m facing the same thing, because my friend can’t bring his flavor of the week he’s basically policing everyone for me.

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