Would you let someone know if you didn't receive a thank you card?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you say anything to the bride/groom about not receiving a thank you card?
    Yes! As soon as I got the chance! : (1 votes)
    1 %
    No, never - that is SO rude! : (81 votes)
    61 %
    Maybe, but I'd word it delicately...(tell us how in the comments!) : (18 votes)
    14 %
    Probably not, but I'd mention it to OTHER people : (32 votes)
    24 %
    Polls suck : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee

    @ValerieBee03:  I would not let them know that i didn’t recieve a thank you card. If there was any doubt as to whether they received the gift or not (i.e. I brought it to the wedding and left it on a gift table) I might inquire 3-4 months after the fact.

    I would definitely think less of a person who couldn’t be bothered to thank us promptly after 3 months however.

    Post # 4
    2565 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I would not mention it, honestly the less cards I receive the better, less clutter in the house and less trash (I have mentioned before here how much I dislike cards).  I know it is expected, and I will do it for our wedding, so I might just think “huh, they never sent a card” and that would be all the thought I would give to it.

    Post # 5
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I guess you could nicely ask if they got your gift, but I wouldn’t imply that it was rude they didn’t send a card. This mostly bothers me because I want to make sure they actually received my gift!

    Post # 6
    8847 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    I did for a friend’s wedding that was in August 2012, which we couldn’t attend.  It had been 9 months, and I sent the package just after their wedding when they were on a honeymoon… so I was legitimately concerned that it hadn’t arrived!  I emailed him just to make sure they got it and it wasn’t stolen off the front porch or something.  He was like “Yeah, thanks, it’s great, I guess we never sent out thank you cards, whoops!”

    *eyeroll*  Whoops indeed.  Still no card.  I’m not too uptight about etiquette, but that bugs me.  I can’t go to your wedding but I still send a nice thoughtful gift, and you can’t be bothered to let me know it arrived or thank me?

    Post # 7
    381 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    Because of that thread I actually asked a close friend whose wedding was in APRIL and her response was she will get to it by christmas. I told her thats too long, and she basically said oh well.

    Post # 8
    1231 posts
    Bumble bee

    I am more concerned to know if it was received rather than receiving the “thank you.”

    Post # 9
    507 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Surprisingly a BUNCH of my relatives AND his were asking my mother and MIL about our thank you cards – if we had sent them out yet, etc right after the wedding. I thought it was EXTREMELY RUDE. We got them out within 3 months (wedding in May, cards went out in late July) on top of a very busy Summer, but not before a few of these “inquiries” came through.

    I thought it was more rude that after all the gifts were tallied more than a few of his very wealthy relatives didn’t even get us a congratulations card! 

    Post # 10
    1068 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Immediately after my dad opened his Christmas presents, his parents would make him sit down and write his thank-you notes.  My parents were a little more lax with me, but if you get a gift, you write a thank-you note as soon as you can.  I wouldn’t harass the couple about it, but I’d probably ask other guests if they received thank you notes (to see if maybe they hadn’t gotten my gift), and I’d think it was pretty rude if no thank you notes were sent.

    Post # 11
    3077 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    @jdhall89:  yep this.

    I voted I wouldn’t say anything to the couple but yea, I’d say something to other people…just being honest. I’d ask around to see if someone else got a thank you card and if the general consensus was “no”…I’d be judging away. It’s rude to not send a TY card. I’ve written them for EVERY gift EVER since I was able to write.

    Post # 12
    42101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would only rasie the issue if I had to ship the gift, thus having no way of knowing if they actually received it. Even tracking by the shipper doesn’t prove they received it, unless you require a signature. Many a package has gone astray after being left at the door or in a lobby.

    I would couch my query in the context of being worried that the gift hadn’t been recived, not outright mentioning a thank you card.

    Post # 13
    2460 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    No, that seems rude and petty to me

    Post # 14
    3097 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

    Yeah, I think it would be more rude to point it out or maybe that’s just because I’m non confrontational ? What are you even supposed to say? “You forgot to thank me “?

    Post # 15
    373 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would never point it out – but then, I could care less if I get a thank you card. Much bigger things to worry about.

    Post # 16
    6448 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    It depends. If I shipped them a gift or cash I would ask them after a bit if they received it. 

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