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Since most brides plan 90% of the wedding, would you be okay if roles switched?
I know most of my friends who were married did not get a choice in what they got to wear. They had to wear tuxedos to complete the whole "wedding look" What if your FI chose your dress to fit his vision of the "wedding look"?
What if he chose the colors, flowers, bridal party wear, ect. Would you let him?
I really didn't care much about the details and only took care of it because DH had no interest whatsoever. As long as he didn't want anything totally insane (I'm thinking of camoflage weddings right now, more or less), I'd be cool with him calling all the shots--except for my dress. Hell no.
FH gets lots of choices and opinions and he has made the final decision on a lot of stuff, but I would not let him plan the whole thing. I can guarantee he would end up missing details he never thought of and insulting other people. He just doesn't have the knowledge to go about it.
EDIT He is picking his attire, he picked out the china pattern, he had input into the colors, the food, flowers, ceremony wording, readings and much more and we made changes based on his opinion.
If I was cool getting married in a jersey or racing suit, sure. But, alas, I'm not.
However - he IS picking his attire and the color of the vests for the Groomsmen. He LIKES dressing up and we're actually buying his suit instead of renting so he can have it. He also picked our color. And our date. And our rings..... And helped pick lots of other little things. I certainly will not be planning 90% of this shindig.
My husband and I were completely 50/50 in wedding planning, and honestly, I couldn't imagine doing it all by myself. It was a lot of work! Plus, my hubby happens to be way better at crafty stuff than me. :)
Yeah, I wouldn't like it though b/c I tend to like to micromanage :)
FH would make good decisions. We're usually on the same page, but he is sometimes a little more formal or traditional in his tastes.
Edit to add: That sucks that most of your friends didn't get any input. It really shouldn't be all about the bride. If the couple has contrasting opinions, they should at least try to compromise!
When it comes to decor I have a way better sense of style then my husband, plus I am a huge bargain shopper and think outside the box to cut costs; he just sees an option and goes for it.
However, when it comes to clothes, he made his own decision. He wanted his guys to wear black suits, and he wanted to be the only one in a vest. Looked really good to me!
If he would actually sit down and read one of those planner books so he knew exactly what had to be taken care of, absolutely. Except for the dress. For the most part, he has better vision, I guess, with taking a bunch of random things and putting them together to look decent--he makes most of the calls when it comes to house stuff--but now way would I give him control over my dress. He would have me walking down the aisle in either something right out of the 80s or something that barely covered my bits n pieces.
Absolutely. He knows me and what I like and I trust him. We're pretty simple and easy and we both have kind of the same taste. I know he would've done just fine had he planned our wedding on his own.
I wouldn't because my DH wouldn't have cared about the planning and would have missed a lot of things. It just isn't his thing.
I did ask for his input all of the time and typically he didn't have strong opinions about much. He did get to pick what he and the GM wore though and helped pick the colors and date. He also chose the DJ (which was who I wanted too but still...).
oooh can I add that I wouldnt for the lone fact that he would just hand it over to his mom to do and that it would turn out wayyyy more expensive and exactly like his sisters?
No. If I did that we would end up spending $50k on an Art Deco themed wedding because it looks cool.
That would be AWESOME!! wait ... I'd probably end up in the Princess Lea Slave outfit from Return of the Jedi ...
On second thought he could do it all but what i wear...
My husband is not a planner, he's a doer (or at least that's what he likes to say). We were pretty much 50/50 on our wedding planning though, I couldn't have done it without him and his opinions. I made up where he would leave off in certain detail things, he made up where I lacked in crafting skills. I don't think we'd allow each other to do anything that big 100% on their own, too much work for such a big event!
For us its really 50/50. If he doesn't like it, it doesn't get included. I don't "override" him in anything or pull the "its my day" card - because it really isn't. I'm not marrying myself.
If the roles were reversed, I'd expect the same consideration to my likes & dislikes.
@Mrs.KMM: Mine too. My FI would slap together the most lazy wedding ever. He wouldn't get into it at all, and I'd dispute all the aesthetic choices he did make. We have very different tastes for the most part. Fortunately, he doesn't have strong opinions about most of the details of our wedding, so he has deferred to my opinions in most of the things we've discussed. The only thing we've agreed on with no contest so far is the venue. Everything else we disagreed about he ultimately decided he just didn't care enough to make a significant effort to argue his position.
In theory sure, but if I asked him to plan the whole thing we wouldn't be having a wedding.
He's been like that since I've known him! He does what he wants, but all for the good! hehe! =] I trust his vision will flow with mine, thats we why are getting married! We're an awesome team!
No lol. It would then turn into a manly event and have no elegance at all hahahah. He would probably spend all teh money on the DJ + live band + mariachi. And then he would ask "Why do we need a florist?" :)
We are both planning the wedding together. If he had to plan the wedding without me I think it would probably be the same way because 1. he knows how I like things, and 2. we have the same taste.
I love my fi so very much, but I absolutely would not let him plan more than what he's wearing (and even that isn't totally his decision). If I gave him the reins, we'd be getting married in a mock-up of the Star Trek Enterprise, he'd be dressed as Captain Picard, and I'd be wearing a Deana Troi wig and costume. He'd probably make his groomsmen dress as Riker, Worf, Jordy La Forge, and Data.
And yes, it kills me that I know this much about Star Trek....
Absolutely! My FI actually planned our first wedding all by his lonesome. The only thing I picked out was my dress. We ended up having an ice storm and couldn't fly out....that was the end of my desire for a destination wedding.
We are currently planning together and FI has definite ideas about the vibe.
I definitely think the groom should have equal say in wedding plans and pick his own attire if he's so inclined. Contrary to what some women seem to think, it is not just all about the bride.
That said, if the groom wants to wear dirty sneakers and a short-sleeved shirt and jeans to his wedding, the bride should have veto power. Ditto if the bride wants to wear some crazy cleavage-baring see-through dress and the groom doesn't want his grandma to be scandalized.
There are some things FI is totally at sea about, like flowers/stationery/decor, but I have still been sure to ask his opinion about everything just in case, and he has been very enthusiastic about participating in decisions regarding the cake, music, photography, attire and venue. It is very much our wedding.
OH HELL YES.
My fiance is the one with a sense of style, who's really into music and who actually cares about stuff. My opinions go as far as the food and drink and really as long as they're there and not gross, I don't even care that much about that. He's also the one with tact - seriously, WHY DO PEOPLE BRING THEIR ISSUES TO ME?! They know me, they should know I am the least diplomatic person ever. I am going to respond by saying "yeah, you weren't invited b/c we don't like you that much."
If I were the one in grad school and he were the one working 40 hours a week with nothing to take home, you can bet he would be in charge of the whole thing.
Also, I am jealous of all of you with nerdy fiances!
My fianece has been great during the wedding planning process (I jokingly call him "groomzilla" but it's only because he's very involved), and I would trust him with the wedding as long as I gave him a checklist of everything that he needed to do. We have very similar tastes and styles so I know he would have done a decent job.
No flipping way! When we first started talking about marriage, FI made me watch an eight minute youtube video of a Klingon wedding so I could see how 'awesome' it was :P.
Another of his ideas was to have him walk out of a Tardis (big blue box that sort of looks like a phone boothfrom British sci fi show). He's also lobbied extensively to have our cake shaped like it, and he wanted to wear a tweed suit to look like Doctor Who.
With our actual wedding planning, he helped pick our colors (I picked some combos, and he picked from those), and we decided together on the venue, the cake flavor and the music. Some things he just genuinely doesn't care about things, but he's had an opinion about the important stuff.
I've done most of the research/brainstorming. When I narrow down to a managable set of options, I ask what he likes. Only once has he hated every option, and I went back to the drawing board-- with him. He ended up choosing the one that was my favorite from the beginning, because he realized I had already weeded out the weak.
Sometimes I wish I could just go ahead and do it all myself and be done with it, but I value his input much more, and it's important to me that he feels like it is his wedding, too. I feel bad for the grooms that get told that the wedding is for the bride and the wedding night is for the groom. As a bride, I intend to fully partake of both. Why shouldn't he want the same?
No way! No way! No way!
If FI had it his way we would just go to the courthouse but that just cannot happen. Nothing against those who had courthouse weddings but I've dreamt of my wedding day since I was a kid and there are just some things that are non-negotiable.
FI's been great with our wedding planning thus far but for the most part its just him really liking my ideas. He hasn't contributed much to the detail aspect. The only thing he's been passionate about is the canoli filling in our wedding cake and I'm totally cool with that!
I have to admit a dr. who wedding would be awesome. Tardis....you cannot go wrong.
Nope.. because if I let him plan it, we'd end up at the courthouse. LoL. Not that there's anything wrong with that for people who WANT that. But I, in no way, shape, or form, do not want a courthouse wedding.
miss tattooo is just using me for my graphic design skills. who else is going to create posters for the wedding? I am also making the final decision on the photography.
He wouldn't have total control over my dress. I draw the line there. My SO already thinks he can plan a wedding and knows what to do and had the nerve to tell me what kind of dress says wedding. How can I wear a full gown on a effin beach? Does he want me to faint?! Other stuff, but invites, STDs and my dress? NO.
@Mr. Tattoo: We are going to get him a Tardis groom's cake and we chose the colors (blue and white) based loosely on it, but we're going with a lighter blue :).
Oh, and all the guys are wearing bow ties because Eleven thinks they're cool, lol.
i guess my fi would leave everything for me to decide, lol , i asked em once before, but he told me he doesn't really care too much about the wedding day details, as long as i feel like i m the happiest girl when i m marrying to em, he s all good.
well, he had me with that line..
Oh sure...if it was going to be a hockey theme with McDonald's and Ben & Jerry's for all the guests.
That would be a big "NO" for me! 
Heck yes! That would be wonderful. It would end up being a little odd, at times, I think- because sometimes his ideas are a little out there (although well intentioned,) but I would have been happy not to deal with the stress. Stress and I... we just don't go.
That is an awesome question. My FI demanded involvement in the entire process. We both picked the girl's dresses, the flowers, the venue, the photographer etc. The only thing he had no say in was my dress, but that was his choice. I'm not sure if I would feel comfortable letting him choose everything, but I wouldn't ever want to exclude him from the decisions, especially that we always come up with awesome things together.
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