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One of my Aunts had the potential to make a lot more money than my Uncle. They had tried to have a baby for years and then finally adopted. Since, she was making almost twice the amount that he was, My Uncle stayed home with the baby. He became Mr. Mom. He took on the traditional housewife role. He cooked, cleaned, gave child care, grocery shopped, gave baths, and even hosted their daughters birthday parties, etc.
If you were the bread winner, and you could afford for someone to stay home, would you let your husband stay home and play Mr. Mom?
Is anyone considering or doing this already?
Um, I put "other." Yes, of course I would let him do that, but not simply for the reason of me "making the most." If I had a job I really loved that was good for us, I would probably let DH stay home- but not simply for the numbers/ money.
This is our life. Our son is 2 and my daughter is 11
My fine does all the housewife rolls. He shops cleans manages money takes kids to school and the baby to the park hosted play dates. Cooks most nights. I work long days and its very nice. He has his own business and works when he wants but while I am on the clock he is a dedicated stay at home father ..
@mwitter80: Yeah, I am pretty non-traditional in that way, so I would do it. I would love to have a job I loved, and would love to not have to give up that job. Dh would love to stay home! Probably whoever is happier career-wise at that time will keep on working :)
@cbee: We have a unique situation. My DH works second shift (3pm-11:30pm) so he's home all day and then his son goes to his mothers for a few hours, and then depending on the day either I pick up my bonus son or his bio-mom does. So we really are split in responsibilities. For the time being, but we have talked about him staying at home, for financial reasons, once we have more children. Although, I would really love too. Keeping my fingers crossed for him to get a promotion :)
FI always says he'll be quitting his job and staying home with our future kids...HA-HA! He's always like: "It's 2011 baby..anything can happen"
We could NEVER afford it, but if we could I wouldn't mind if that's what he really wanted to do. (Although I think he might be in for a rude awakening of just how much work it can be.... tee hee hee)
My FI and I have already talked about it.. and since i make more and he is already such a home-body we are excited about it!!
Hmm. That movie is nearly 30 years old. I remember it at the time, but I was hoping by now a dad raising his children would not be referred to as the wife letting him play at being a mom.
I know that is not how this was meant, but how would everyone here feel if someone asked about a husband letting them stay home and play mommy? Or conversely about whether or not your husband allows you to work out of the house?
To answer the question, I think if either parent wants to and can stay home to care for their children they should.
I'm the breadwinner and yes, me and the DH have already discussed that IF we could afford it, I would totally be okay with him being a SAHD or Mr. Mom.
I would be so jealous if I went off to work every day and my husband got to stay home and be with the kids. We're going to make similar amounts of money, so while theoretically one of us could stay home, instead I'm hoping both of us can work reasonable hours and have lots of family time.
I agree, that's not playing mom, that's being a DAD.
We've talked about it, and we hope one of us can drop down to working only part-time when kiddos arrive. But who that is will depend on our circumstances of the moment.
If he wants to stay home, that's fine with me... all I know is I'm not gonna stay home for longer than my maternity leave (if I have children). I couldn't even stand the thought of doing that. And if we both wanted to work, I would be more than fine with that as well. As long as he or I spend enough time with our children to form a proper attachment, it's all good for us :)
@edgypeanuts: I refernced the movie so that everyone understood the question and read the post. That's it. It wasn't meant to offend anyone or become a sounding board about how dated the thought process is.
I just went and counted on FB I have 37 friends who have children (I didn't count couples twice). Of the 37, 19 of the wives stay home, and none of the men do. I know this is a small sampling, but I still don't think it's as common as we think or want it to be.
FH is the best dad to his son. It is really one of the things I love most about him. He is just so good with him, I wonder if I could ever be so patient at him and if I made more money I would love for him to be the primary caregiver. We'll see how it works out for us, it could go either way.
If the parents think that it's in the best interest of the child for either of them to stay at home, they should do it! Doesn't matter to me if it's mom or dad. I don't think the phrase "Mr. Mom" really rings true anymore. Being a SAHD has been a viable career option for a while now, at least in some parts of the country :)
Mr.ND and I have briefly talked about it, and depending on what positions we're in when our children come, we'll see if anyone/who stays home. We don't have a set 'mom or dad' preference, we'll just consider our income possibilities, how we enjoy our jobs, and part-time possibilities. I think he'd make a great dad-at-home, but I'd love to stay home as well, so we'll see how things shake out.
FI and I have talked about it and I would love for him to be a SAHD. I just know that I don't want to stay home, so if we could afford for him to stay home, I would love that. He's going to be an amazing father. :)
My fiance is older than I am and has already retired from the military. Though he has another job now, we both know that I want to build my career. So we will most likely have him at home for a while. He will still probably work part-time or something. But he makes more from just being retired than some people do working, so it works out in the end.
If we could afford it, I would love for my FI to be ablel to stay at home with our kids. Unfortunatly, I would probably have to be a stripper or something for that to happen, lol, because I have zero job opportunities that could even compete with what he makes. But when he's on his days off, he does a pretty good job of being Mr.Mom, cooks, cleans and lets me sleep in once and awhile!
Oh absolutely! My SO is amazing with children and my nieces and nephews like him more than me. Also, currently he is laid off and is cleaner than I so he does the dishes and cleans the house quite frequently. He would make a great SAHD and I trust that our children would be well rounded and adequately cared for in that time.
I would not be okay with him staying home full time to raise the kids. I wouldn't want the pressure of being the sole breadwinner. He would not be okay with me staying home full time for the same reasons. For us, we are in agreement that it is important to us that we both work at least part time outside of the house. Luckily this is never even going to be an issue because my DH loves his job and I don't love mine... so he would never even want to stay home. :)
I think one of the MAIN reasons there are so many stay at home moms is because of the the gap in pay. My husband is 10 years older so he makes much more than I do. I'm sure if I made the most money and what he made only paid for daycare then we'd make the decision to have him stay home.
I personally can't answer this question, because my husband makes a lot more than I do and while someday, if my career goes the way I want it to, I may get close to him, I'll probably never pass him (and if I do, our kids will probably be in middle school and won't need a stay at home parent).
However, I work with two guys in their mid/late 20s whose wives both outearn them (although I don't think either woman makes enough right now to be the sole financial support of the family, someday both of them could) and both guys have broached the subject of being a stay at home dad and were both met with a resounding NO WAY. Both women want to stay at home, and since that isn't financially feasible, they want their husbands to work as well.
We dont have kids but we have talked about him staying home when we do in the future. I earn more and most likely always will because of the field he is in. I don't know if we will ever be in a position where we don't need 2 incomes though.
If it made more sense financially, I would. He would be an awesome SAHD. But luckily it doesn't for us. He makes the money in our family, and I'm glad b/c I want to be a SAHM.
I don't see anything wrong with it if this is what people choose to do. This is the case with my husband and his wife. They both had very high profile and high paying careers, but she didn't want to give up her career so he is a SAHD and it works perfectly for them.
For me, I do make more than DH but I have always dreamed of being the one to raise my children. Also DH has no desire to be a SAHD and his lack of attention to detail when it comes to anything domestically would probably make me put my foot down and say no even if he wanted to.
I wouldn't have a problem with it so long as I had a job I enjoyed that could support our family.
That said - DH has no desire to stop working when we have kids and loves his job where as I want nothing more than to be a SAHM and derive no pleasure from working full-time. So our situation isn't going to work out that way but if the proper pieces fell into place, I'd take no issue with DH being a SAHD.
I've been following a stay at home dad's blog; it's really interesting to see the other gender's perspective on being a stay at home parent. But, yeah, I don't think it's very common yet. He's mentioned a couple times about the difficulties of trying to find other stay at home dads, and he's in a big city, so he has access to a large population.
If I made enough to fully support us, my husband would totally stay home. He's done a couple short stay at home dad stints (like a month at a time), and he really enjoyed it. I know he would love to stay at home, but unfortunately, he makes quite a bit more than me, so the opportunity probably won't be there for him any time soon.
Since my husband is out of work, he'll be a stay-at-home dad. Granted, he's trying to go to grad school, but he'll be the main caretaker while I'm working. Hopefully, I'll get the chance to be a stay-at-home mom at some point. Wombat will have a great time with his/her dad though.
Oh DH would loooove to be a SAHD. But since he makes more than I do, I don't think that will happen. But we don't have children yet, so who knows, maybe that will change once we do.
I put other - this is the only arrangement under which I'd consider having kids. I don't think either of us are really the nurturing parent type, though. My fiance's dad, however, stayed home for a few years while they were kids and it was great for his kids.
Technically, I wouldn't have a problem with it. That said, I would be painfully envious. I have always wanted the first few years at home to do some bonding and really be an involved mother. I loved having my mom home with me (she was working on her masters and phd at the time) and wouldn't trade that time for the world... I would love to be able to do the same, which shouldn't be a problem considering FI makes a lot more than I do.
I would have NO problem with it. Well, maybe a little problem. I think he and I would fight about who got to be the one to stay home! I was a stay-at-home mom when my children were small and I loved it. I really would prefer that one of us would be home full-time with the kids. Even when they get in school, they are off so much for breaks, summer vacation, holidays, being sick, etc. Then there's after-school activities that they need picked up from,..the list goes on...
But if I earned substantially more, I'd be OK with my husband staying home. He is already a better "wife" than I am anyway. The last time he stayed home when I went to work (his job has a snow day, mine didn't), he cleaned the house, shampooed the carpet, and made spaghetti sauce. I came home to a clean home with the table set and dinner ready. He's also great with dealing with the kids...far more patient than I am. But he makes a lot more money than I do....so I can't see it happening in real life.
We are considering this when my income increases (hopefully) after graduate school. Mister can work part-time as my daughter is 12 and his son is turning 5 in three weeks, and we each share custody with our respective former spouses. I already make more than he and my income potential is greater so it makes sense to cut down child care and fuel costs (he drives A LOT for work) by his decreasing his working hours.
@CorgiTales:I agree that there would be a disagreeable amount of pressure in being the sole income earner, which is why Mister and I discussed his going part-time and my working full-time.
Since my husband is the breadwinner (makes 3x my salary), that ain't ever happening. haha
But if I were the breadwinner and he wanted to stay home, sure, why not? I don't think he would like that, though. I think he'd get bored and go crazy! But I say whatever works for people- I hate gender roles. (That said, I want to be the one who works part-time and spends lots of time with our future kids.)
I will most likely always be the bread winner in the family (as long as I'm working that is). After he finishes school, it will take him years to get to what I make now. With that said, I wouldn't mind him being Mr. Mom, I think he would be great at it, but that's not what either one of us want. I want to be the SAHM and he wants to work. Personally, I think he would go nutso if he stayed at home with the kiddos, where as for me, personally, it would be more natural. I do think it will be a SERIOUS adjustment for me to give up my job though when the day comes, but in the end, it will be an easier adjustment for me than him.
Both of us want a shot at staying home with kids, even if it is short term. There are rumblings of a possible job opportunity in Switzerland for me, and the very first thing we both though was "Since it would be difficult for him to work there, maybe that would be our best opportunity for him to stay home with a baby". Something to think about, for sure!
It makes sense that if I made more money he would be the one to stay home, but like some others have mentioned I would be so jealous. I would do it, but I wouldn't like it. He works on pretty much an on call basis now and I get so jealous when i have to crawl out of bed in the morning and he's still sleeping... I can't imagine how much more my green eyed monster would appear if he got to spend so much more time with the kids as well.
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