Post # 1
My husband has become unhappy at work due to lack of things to do. He is a police officer and his department does not get much action. The trade off is that he has good job security, a high rate of pay and excellent benefits. He interviewed with another police department and is close to getting an offer. I’m happy that he has an opportunity to go to a new department where he will be more satisfied and challenged; however, he would be taking a $12,000 pay cut and our benefits would not be as good and cost more.
I handle the finances in our house and already told my husband that unless the new department could come close to matching his current rate of pay we can’t do it. We can’t simply make our bills disappear and I refuse to go back to living pay check to pay check knowing that we already have a couple of events coming up this summer that we need to have money saved up for. We are also planning to start a family within the next year or two so the thought of losing that income and has job security really freaks me out.
Unfortunately, my husband isn’t seeing me as the voice of reason in this matter. Instead he’s seeing me as the black cloud. The funny thing is I’m also unhappy at my job due to the monotony of the work; however, I make very good pay as well and couldn’t fathom taking a pay cut to go to another job right now even if it made me happier. I truly want my husband to be happy, but not at the cost of not knowing if we can pay our bills each month.
Can anyone relate???
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@sal5011: I would definitely not be ok with this, your DH has a responsibility to care and provide (eeks this sounds antiquated…) for his family and just because he’s a little bored at his current postion doesn’t make it ok to switch things up like this. Tell him you support his job search and realize he’s unhappy but this just won’t work out, maybe show him your budgeting and what this change would mean for your family.
Post # 4
His happiness is more important than money and together we would find a way to make it work. I’d take up a second job if I had to supplement the lost income if it would mean he would be happy. You spend most of your life working so you mighjt as well be happy while you’re doing it.
Post # 5
I’d do what I could to rearrange our finances so he could take the job. Having been miserable at a job I’d rather lose my smartphone than keep being miserable. If infects your entire life.
Post # 6
I stayed at a job I hated for years because I got paid well. The tradeoff was that I wroked 70+ hours a week, let friendships die because I had no time, and gained weight because I was so depressed. I also cried on my commute every single day. I ended up taking a $10K pay cut to move to a different company and my life changed overnight. I was happy again! Sure I had to change things around with my finances but we made it work. A few less dinners out, canceled Netflix, etc. Nothing drastic. But even if my husband had to work 10 jobs to allow me to change jobs, he would have done it.
Post # 7
Money will always be paper, and I do not intend to trivialize the gravity of your need to be financially secure, but there’s a higher cost to be paid by the person that neglects to be fullfilled and happy….
Post # 8
Can he pick up extra work? I would tell him that he shouldn’t leave (not can’t) if he can’t 1) make up the shortfall with extra work or 2) cut his expenses by at least $6000. I would ask him which is more important his boardem or his family’s financial security.
Post # 9
Happiness is always way more important than money and should be the top priority. Review your finances and see where you can make changes such as spending less on groceries, shopping, entertainment or even moving into a cheaper housing situation. Only of their is absolutely no way it is possible should he look at other options and maybe interview somewhere else to get a better offer
Post # 10
But it’s not just the income, OP mentioned reduced benefits that are also more pricey.
Some compromise has to be made. With bills and wanting to expand the family, it’s understandable to not want to lose that income plan and stability. Maybe he can keep interviewing at different departments that could potentially be similar in pay and benefits as his current job.
Post # 11
$12,000?! I was wondering about the reasoning behind his desire to switch, but that’s a very considerable pay cut regardless of his reasoning, especially considering that it also comes with a slash to benefits.
Career changes that dramatic are family decisions, not his alone. They effect you as much as it does him. I wouldn’t take a dramatic pay cut or decide to move to another city without consulting my husband and taking his opinion into consideration.
ETA: @lolaswann: +1
Post # 12
@sal5011: My DH has hated his job for years, and it breaks my heart to see him like this. If he could/would find a job he enjoyed for half the pay, I would love that. I hate to see him unhappy at his job. It’s not worth the money.
Post # 13
I was at a job I hated. But the benefits were great and the pay was decent. It took a toll on my mental health after a few years of trying to stick it out. DH was very supportive of me quitting with or without a job lined up, but I would never be comfortable with that so I waited until a job offer came along. It was about 12k less as well and no benefits, but I took it and DH and I made it work. My mental health is worth a lot more than that.
I’m not sure if your DH’s situation is to the point mine was, but I totally understand how it affects you to be at a job you are unhappy at. I am fortunate that after 4 months another job offer came along that paid me more than my old job, but still lacked benefits. So even though we pay more now for our insurance and the loss of some other benefits it is worth it to both of us that I am at a much happier job.
Post # 14
Neither one of us has the power to let or not let the other person do anything.
We talk it out and then the person most directly affected ( in this case your husband) makes the necessary decision.
Does he work 4 on 4 off like many police officers? If so, the compromise could be that he takes the new job and gets a part-time job on his days off.
Post # 15
You guys need to have a serious talk about your priorities in life. Our happiness and well-being is #1 to me. We don’t need money to be happy. Well, obviously we need some sort of clothes on our back (it’s cold!) and to eat something, but we don’t need to drive our BMW or eat organic tomatoes.
So to answer the question, yeah, I’d let him take the pay cut. We’d find a way to make it work. Because how it won’t work is him being miserable and hating me for making him stay there.
Maybe you guys can compromise somehow. He can find a new job, but he has to keep looking for a few months and not just take the first one he finds. Or he at least has to negotiate better benefits or pay from the one he’s about to get an offer from. Also focus on making the rest of his life better. I can make it through a crappy crappy day at work when I know what I’m going home to is so much better. Find a (cheap) hobby you guys can do together, start a home improvement project – something.
Post # 16
My husband’s happiness is high on my priority list and I would never hold him back from a job he would enjoy- few things matter more to me than having a happy husband with a job he enjoys- that stress seeps into your marriage, your relationship, your life.