Post # 1
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. My wife and I want to move soon, and we are trying to decide where we go. I am very close (emotionally) to my family and I’d really like to be physically close to them again. I love hanging out with them so much and I miss them a lot. However, the area they live in/want to live in is not my ideal place. Objectively, I can see the benefits of this location, it does have a lot going for it and I can see why they want to move there. And I’ve never lived there, so maybe I am wrong about it, but imagining living there makes me want to cry. It is just not my cup of tea. My wife is not really a fan either. But, I do believe that when you have your family around you, most places are tolerable – and this is just a different part of the US than I like, not a third world country or something. And if I don’t live in this region, I’ll probably rarely see them, they won’t know my future theoretical children well, etc.
What would you do? I haven’t mentioned the actual place so you can fill in the blank with whatever US region YOU would not like.
Post # 3
Nope. My sister and I both used to live 500 miles from our parents. She moved back there after she got married and is not really happy there. She only moved to be near our parents (esp once she had kids) and it’s not all she thought it would be. I’ve never had the desire to move back there ( i love where I live now and FI is from here so all his family is here) but now that my sister did it (for okay reasons) but regrets it, it has solidified my decision not to move solely to be closer to family.
Edit – if your family moved away from the area would you be happy staying? If not, I think you have your answer!
Post # 4
I personally would never live in an area I didn’t like just to be near family. I don’t live near my family because I don’t care for the area they live. I try to take my kids to visit twice a year and the call weekly to talk to gramma and papa. My sister’s child is much closer to them and while it makes me a little sad I still wouldn’t move there just to be nearby. I like the people my children are becoming because of the outside influence of where we live:D
Post # 5
@moonadea: That is a tough one. I sort of did this, and we told ourselves it would be temporary… here we are 4 years later… doing better than when we moved here, but it took time and has been an adjustment. I found where we are to be tolerable, but we still talk about moving again… I don’t know if there is an answer. I think you just have to make a pros and cons list… I think it depends HOW depressed/ not your scene/ etc. (whatever the problem is that you have with it) a place is- we moved to the upper midwest which is not really our scene, but at least live in the most liberal city. It has enough redeeming qualities.
Post # 6
I am from a rural Kansas farming community. I will not be moving back: my fiance and I are both pursuing jobs that would not be avalible in that type of location. My parents are actually thinking of moving to be near me once I settle down, and my grandparents would probably move too. It is just really important to them that we stay together, so they are willing to make that sacrifice.
Post # 7
No, I wouldn’t. Can you move closer to them but not to the area you don’t like?
Post # 8
I miss living by my mom, sisters, nieces and nephews, but I don’t miss my home town in AZ because it is too sticken hot there. I live on the East coast about an hr from my dad and stepmom. My FI is from CA so the only thing we miss about there is his parents and sister. We are happy living away and we get to visit often enough. We also talk weekly if not daily. Plus Facebook keeps us in contact with everyone. We would, however, move back to either state if one of us was offered an amazing chef position. When we decide to have children we will most likely move closer to everyone so that they can grow up near their grandparents.
Post # 9
Nope. My dad moved to Houston to live near my sister. I wouldn’t move there for anything. The traffic alone scares the crap out of me.
Post # 10
No way. They live in Virginia near DC. I don’t feel like getting killed in traffic.
Post # 11
I’m interested to see the responses in this thread… FI & I have decided we want to move about 30-40 minutes from my family (which doesn’t seem that far), but my family thinks that’s too far.
Post # 12
Nope. I would miss my family, but I don’t think I could live in an area I didn’t care for just for the sake of being close. We can always visit and call/skype/text/whatever. I know it’s not the same, but at least it’s something.
Post # 13
I’ve lived in places I didn’t like and I was miserable. Are there any cities within a 3 hour drive that you like? That’s not a bad distance for weekend trips.
Post # 14
Hmmm I’ve done both. I’ve moved from where I grew up to NYC, then back again. But I live in Minneapolis, so it’s not a bad city at all to live in. My parents live about an hour away, so close enough to see them yet we’re still in they city.
That said, I enjoy it so much more than living in NYC away from everyone, especially since I have a son. I love that I have backup babysitters, my son can see his family, do family trips and outings, and all that. You really can’t replace it. While it was a hard adjustment to move back from the city I love, at the end I realized that when you find your “niche” in the city you live, ie places you go, people you hang out with, THAT’S what makes where you live, not the actual city. But, then again, Minneapolis is a great place to live so I can’t say I’d say the same thing about a place in the middle of nowhere, ya know?
Post # 15
I think it is really important to consider HOW MUCH you don’t want to live there and why. At first you just say it is not “your ideal” but then you mention it making you want to cry. Those are pretty far apart haha.
I would/am definitely living in a place that is not “my ideal” to be near my family. My whole life I wanted to get out of Ohio, until I actually did it for a summer for an internship in DC and even though I really liked the city I felt so disconnected from my family and just couldn’t see living a plane ride or 8 hr drive from them. It wasn’t the life I wanted for my future family. I think if I wasn’t considering my family I would move to a bigger city like DC or Chicago maybe. But I like Columbus pretty well and have found some great parts about living here, like the ridiculously low cost of living (which makes every day life so easy) and the fact that you can drive and park everywhere! For me the trade-off to live in a less ideal place to be near family is totally worth it.
That being said… I live in Columbus and it is okay. If my family lived in like… rural west virginia? No I would not move there because that would be awful to me haha. I can’t handle rural living at all and I don’t think that being near family would compensate for how miserable I would be in that situation.
So I guess I’m saying… its a balancing act.
Post # 16
I would and I am. The area I am living is terribly not me. No good running paths, no parks, no interesting restaurants, people, or culture, and less in the way of career options. BUT my parents are in their 70’s with no other family around. I moved to be near them to help them as they get older and need assistance. I couldn’t envision myself just calling them every Sunday at the nursing home or something. Although I despise the area where I live, I don’t feel that I made the wrong decision.