Post # 1
-Both in mid/late twenties
-Stable jobs-Serious long term relationship/deeply in love
-No party has cheated on the other before
-Girl’s sex drive is lower than fiance’s, but tries to bring it up for his sake
Context: girl worried about their future because of his early history (teen/early twenties-era) of porn addiction, including (not sure if I should say it here, but the illegal kind if you catch my drift). This issue has come up a few times in the past but has never been a giant stumbling block, mainly because they choose to not talk about it too much. The girl is obviously uncomfortable about porn and his ‘wandering eye’, but loves him to death nonetheless because they get along so well in every other aspect of their relationship.
If you were that girl mentioned above, would you marry a guy who told you this:
“Baby, I really love you and want to marry you. Yes, I’m probably going to want to look at other girls, because let’s face it — i really like being aroused, a lot, and I’m probably not going to want to not give that up. I just really, really, like girls–I’m a guy, I can’t help it. I will probably want to look at porn sometimes. But, I can promise you that I won’t cheat on you.”
– Is this something that all guys think, but just don’t say out loud? (the guy is a very honest guy; sometimes untactfully so).
– Or is this a red flag for her?
Post # 3
I may be in the minority here, but guys are very visible creatures. He says he’ll probably watch porn sometimes but he promises to never cheat. I don’t really see an issue.
As for the porn “addiction”, is that something he was diagnosed with or is his fiance saying it is an addiction by how often she thinks he watched it?
Post # 4
It’s kind of untactful for him to say it like that (not very romantic maybe?) but yeah that’s brutal honesty i guess?
Post # 5
@poppygirl16: Well at least he’s really, really honest. I think that would be better than lying about it. I don’t really care about porn (FI and I will watch it together), and it also depends on what you mean by “wandering eye”, but that’s something that she will have to decide for herself. Is porn a last resort (i.e. he’s aroused but she isn’t) or does he actually prefer watching porn/mastrubating? I think that would be a huge difference for me.
Post # 6
Some guys just like to look at porn, its just a fact of life lol I’d much rather my guy look at porn than cheat on me. Hell, sometimes I like it, too!
Post # 7
lol your poll is a bit misleading, I would answer “yes” to the question in your title and almost clicked that in the poll, but the poll question is instead ‘is it a red flag’–which I’d have to choose “no”!
Post # 8
I didn’t vote. I wouldn’t marry someone if he said that because I have very strong opinions about porn.
Post # 9
@poppygirl16: you may also want to change your poll title, it and the topic title are confusing if not read thoroughly.
Post # 10
This is completely OK, he is allowed to “look” at girls and porn, its not cheating! My husband does both and it does not bother me at all, like your SO said he is a “guy”.
As long as he is faithful thats all that matters.
Post # 11
Oops!! my bad. Changed it, even if some people have already voted. lol!
Post # 12
@poppygirl16: I think it is honest. I don’t watch porn, nor does FI, but almost all of my exes do. The way I approached it is that it is only natural to be attracted to beautiful creatures– when you see a guy with an amazing body without a shirt on, do you give him a second look? Most likely yes. Would you sleep with him, heavens no.
My view on porn and alone time is that it is his business and he should keep it as such. When he makes it your business– it gets in the way of your sex life, it takes away money that you need for something else, he leaves it in a place that you can easily find it… then it is your business. As long as he keeps it his business, what is the problem?
I also have found most porn is like strip clubs. It is great to spur the imagination, but the reality isn’t so hot. FI and I accidently wandered into a strip club and it was the best thing for my self esteem. The girls were athletic and had really cute underwear, but they weren’t amazing. They were there to get your mind going about a fun experience you could have, but most guys I have met wouldn’t want to have that experience would the porn star or stripper. They prefer to have it with you.
Post # 13
@patchy: Agreed! Poll title is one question and the poll question is a different question!
Post # 14
Guys don’t go blind when they marry. This guy is being honest and I see nothing wrong with it.
Post # 15
@MrsTillerResq: Ah, I edited the post to reflect what kind it was. I didn’t wanna go into detail but I probably should have (thank goodness this girl isn’t actually a member here…) He didn’t get it checked my a doctor or anything, but he believes that it was unhealthy himself. It also included some, um, that was illegal if you know what I mean.
Post # 16
but youre saying the illegal kind of porn which leads me to believe underage? is his eye wandering at little girls?