Post # 1
This is a spin off from another thread, and I’m wondering:
if a man moved out of state leaving his children with their mother and doesn’t see them at all, but pays child support and calls, would you marry him or would this be a red flag?
Post # 3
@bebero: I didn’t see the other thread. However, I would say that this behavior definitely would concern me and that I would have to know why he wasn’t seeing his chidren. If he were prevented from seeing them by the children’s mother and did not yet have legal recourse to rectify that situation, that would be one thing. However, if he simply had chosen not to be involved in their lives, that would be a significant red flag for me.
Post # 4
Red flag. I would go through hell and back, and have, for my children. My FI has gone through hell and back x2 for my children and his son. I would expect nothing less of him. We are a package deal, as was he. Support does not replace a missing Father. Ever.
Post # 6
You know the saying, “once a cheater, always a cheater”? Yeah, same deal to me with this. If he’ll leave his first family, what’s to say he won’t leave you too?
Post # 7
Mmm at all? Probably not… Only if there were extenuating circumstances that prevented the visits. If the guy also showed interest in his kids, called just because not only on saturday nights, then yes maybe. If I can say honestly that he’s a good dad then yes, however I find that hard to understand without being physically present.
Post # 8
No and even more so if I wanted to have more kids with him.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t either. i would never want to be with a man who chooses any life over a life near his children. and if he could move away from them, he can move away from me no second thought.
Post # 10
No. No. No. Child of divorce here and I would never ever marry a man who could not keep a relationship with his children no matter the circumstance.
Man up. Take responsibility for your OWN. Even if you are in a different state or country, you should still make an effort to have a face-to-face relationship with your child.
This includes people who cannot afford to travel. I think it is insulting to your child that you do not try to keep your family together. If the mom moves with the child- so do you. If you cant move, put away a dollar a day to see your child at least once a year. You can do that. Anyone could do that.
No one can provide a good excuse as to why their spouse, FI, or boyfriend doesn’t have a relationship with their child.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t marry a man that didn’t see his children. To me that’s a HUGE red flag.
Post # 13
Generally, no. There are obviously some situations that may present true barriers to seeing children – crazy mother who keeps him away, children move overseas, etc. But he better put some effort into being a dad when he’s apart from his children and do whatever he can to see them.
Post # 14
I voted no… because 95% chance there’s no acceptable excuse for this. But I would imagine if I were in this situation I would need to know all the details. Are there extenuating circumstances? Does he try his hardest to get to his children?
There’s very little reason I can see why this should happen, So I don’t think I could be with a man who could so easily dismiss his own babies. what would happen when we had kids? If they mean so little,what could I possibly hope to mean to him? … but I’m always reluctant to say ‘never’… so I’d need to know alllllll the details.
Post # 15
Never, and I say this as a product of divorce where my father was always involved and always there. Do I think that made him a great dad? Yeah. Do I think that’s what all fathers should be doing? Yes! While I don’t think a father should be forced to move if his ex is moving, both spouses need to be committed to making visitation trips work (whether he goes there if the child is young or she/he comes to the father if the child is already a teen). The father needs to make reasonable effort and the mother needs to let the child go on school breaks, etc. I could never marry a man who doesn’t put his parenting as a #1 priority in his life.
Post # 16
Child of a deadbeat. I wont date one.