Would you marry someone who had a tendency towards violence?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you marry someone who had a tendency towards violence?
    NO : (181 votes)
    89 %
    Yes - I would consider it. If he had therapy, counseling, etc. : (15 votes)
    7 %
    Undecided : (7 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    No, I grew up with someone with a temper around me, and it’s contributed a lot to my anxiety, depression, and generally low self esteem. I didn’t have a choice then, but I’d  never willingly put myself through that

    Post # 4
    1168 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @happilyeveraftergirl:  No I don’t think so, but that’s a very generalized statement. If I fell in love with someone who gets into screaming matches I don’t think that’s the worst thing, nor do I think  yelling eventually escalates to worse acts of violence. I have never really been attracted to anyone with a temper, or who is even argumemtive. My FI never yells, to the point where sometimes I misjudge he how upset he is. I come from a family who disagree loudly, but not violently. 

    Post # 5
    1646 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I guess it depends on your definition of violence.


    My FI has a temper. We are both hard headed and stubborn and things do get heated. Every once in awhile one of us blows up a bit. I’m willing to bet anything that he would NEVER get physically abusive. And if his anger got worse or directed solely at me (instead of a situation), then we’d have a major issue. More often than not, he is trying to express that he is hurt and has trouble doing so. It’s an issue we are both working on… and yes, I fully plan on marrying him in 4-5 months.


    I don’t believe that yelling will always = hitting down the line. Anger is a human emotion.

    Post # 6
    3618 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @happilyeveraftergirl:  I couldn’t marry or date anyone who was absuive. However, most people only accept the love they think they deserve. I am sure those in abusive relaionships did not plan on getting there. 

    Post # 7
    920 posts
    Busy bee

    @happilyeveraftergirl:  If someone showed signs of physically being violent then no I wouldnt even consider marrying them.

    however, I personally dont take my SO yelling at me during a heated argument or me yelling at him as violent, childish and unfortunate maybe, but not violent. Yelling is never ideal, we all wish to have disagreements and express our opinioins without raising our voice but it does occur sometimes.I dont plan on not marrying my current SO just because he has yelled at me before, and I guess its worth noting this yelling has never had any hints of turning violent, he never laid hands on me, etc.

    ETA : @Jw1724 +1 about the last point of yelling foreshadowing physical abuse

    Post # 8
    365 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    NO WAY!! Thankfully FI has never gotten mad enough at me to even yell in our almost 8 years together. At this point, I’m thinking that if it hasn’t happened yet, there isn’t a likely chance that it will (or frequently) happen in our future. 

    Post # 9
    3846 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @happilyeveraftergirl:   No.  I have had abusive relationships in the past – never again.

    Post # 10
    7940 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015


    well theres yelling as a weapon (name calling, humiliation, belittling, threatning etc)



    The latter most of us do from time to time. Its pretty natural to lose your cool when it’s a charged (read: hurtful) topic.

    The former is abuse, and will likely lead to physical abuse (IMO).




    Post # 11
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    NO WAY. Unless it was verbal violence at inanimate objects (like DH likes to yell at the TV during sports games. But he has NEVER yelled at me).

    But I dated a guy who wasn’t violent, except when he was knocking me around! So ANY red flags related to violence are a HUGE dealbreaker to me!


    Post # 13
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @BrandNewBride:  He’s never yelled at you? Wow. I’m Russian. Our speaking voices are yelling, lol. 

    @Jw1724:  We both have tempers too. I don’t consider that violence and I’m not worried about it. Passionate discussion, passionate sex 😛 

    Post # 14
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think you are hugely generalizing amd stereotyping people just for yelling. I don’t consider yelling violent, I consider it a poor ability to communicate. Would I marry a man Who showed violence or what I felt like was out of line? No. but yelling? I’m sorry I know few people who haven’t yelled a time or two. 

    Post # 15
    1662 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013


    I had a somewhat shall we say, tumultuous childhood. I WILL have a peaceful adulthood and a calm household for our future children. I totally agree with your moms rule.

    My DH is the picture of calm. I’ve seen him in all situations and all tempers, he is extremely even keel. In 9 years, I’ve never heard him raise his voice off the rugby field. He’s fantastically patient and gentle with our crazy pooch. He will make an excellent father one day. 🙂

    EDIT: I see we’re mostly discussing yelling. I would not tolerate being yelled at, and I do not yell at him. That said, I agree with what pp said about the content of the yelling. 


    Post # 16
    1646 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @MrsPanda99:  High five! We have our fair share of “passionate” arguments lol. Good news is there is no grudges to be held- we get it all out and are back to normal within the hour. We are both just emotional people and our hanky panky reflects that 😉 I get ya on that!

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