Post # 1
So, would you marry someone you have only been in a long distance with (up until the wedding day)?
Just curious. A friend just got engaged to a guy that she has been in a relationship with for about a year. But they have only been in the same place (as in face to face) for a total of 3 weeks of that year. Because of visa issues (he lives in Africa), they haven’t been able to see each other too often. Most communication is through phone or skype (which is limited because of the cost to make international phone calls). They plan on getting married as soon as the visa paperwork goes through. They won’t be able to see each other before then, but they appear to be happy.
Hey, if it works them, great. However, I personally wouldn’t be able to agree to marry someone who I was almost exclusively long distance with up until the wedding day. I could see starting out long distance or having a period of time that was long distance, but I would definitely want to live in close proximity (or in the same house togehter) to each other prior to marriage.
What about you bees?
ETA: This is not referring to long distance relationships in general. This is specifically referring to relationships that have ONLY been long distance up until marriage.
Post # 3
@bmo88: absolutely not. and i definitely wouldn’t get engaged to someone i have only known 1 year, let alone barely face to barely. and from another continent.
Post # 5
I watch way too much Lifetime for that.
Post # 6
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: hahahahahahahahahaha. I LOVE Lifetime movies.
No way. I wouldn’t even get engaged until I had lived with someone for at least a year.
Post # 7
My husband and I were long-distance for…let’s see…from 2006 to 2011. I moved here in August 2011, and we got engaged in April 2012. So we lived together for like…9 months before getting engaged.
I’ve never done anything for this long before! Well, friendship. Reading. …!
Post # 8
@bmo88: No. I actually know someone who got engaged to a guy she met online and they only ever met face to face for a total of 1 week and had been dating for only 4 months before he propsed to her the next time they met face to face. She dropped her whole life and moved across the country to live with him 2 months before the wedding after they had only seen each other a total of 4 weeks. I could never marry someone and drop my whole life for them when I essentially barely know them. It’s crazy!
Post # 9
@bmo88: Absolutely not. I don’t see why they can’t live together or near each other for a while before getting married.
Post # 10
No, but I’d never marry someone I hadn’t lived with or had sex with either. If all I had was distance and excited visits, I’m not sure I would have experienced the full realm of my partner or gotten to know him well enough. I’d never be in a LDR anyway, so kind of irrelevant in my case.
Post # 11
@peachacid: That is quite a long time of being long distance! But 9 months gives you a sense of who a person is, especially if you had 5 years of getting to know each other.
@thefuturemrsD: Wow, that’s quite quick! How has it gone for them so far?
Post # 12
@bmo88: I voted no, but in your friend’s case I get it. The US forces people to get married, I’m sure if their immigration process was anywhere on par with other developed nations then your friend wouldn’t have to get married.
It’s either the relationship ends, she moves to Africa (not sure if that would be hard as well), or they get married.
Getting married seems like it could be the best and easiest option.
Post # 13
@bmo88: Well they just moved in together this past weekend. Apparently it’s going amazing, but it’s still new. Their wedding is in 2 months so hopefully it works out for them, but I still that thats crazy! I don’t think they have even been together for a year yet!
Post # 14
@thefuturemrsD: Well, as some say, “when you know, you know”…I am not usually one of those people though.
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
Nope, Skype/texting/phone calls can only teach you so much about a person. I think you also need daily interactions for an extended period of time to get to know someone enough to marry them. I also wouldn’t marry someone I hadn’t lived with though so..
Post # 16
@bmo88: I did this.
I met my DH via eHarmony, and we lived in different states, several hours apart. We communicated online first, then by phone. Our first date was about two and a half months after we were “matched,” and we saw each other two (occasionally three) times a month after that. We became engaged five months after our first date, and we were married 11 months later.
Not only was our entire dating relationship and engagement period long distance, but also, I had to spend half of every week of almost our entire first year of marriage living and working in my city/state until I could sell my house, resign from my job, and relocate to be with my DH (and his children) full time.
I will say that I experienced a nearly overwhelming and tremendously challenging transition in going from a never-married, 40-something-year-old career woman who lived alone in her own house in major metropolitan area and who enjoyed a very rewarding career and happy life with many wonderful friends in my former city to the wife of a pastor and stepmother of multiple kids living in a very small town in a very rural area of another state, where I knew no one and still have not been able to find a job. This type of radical life change involves a long period of adjustment and would not be for the faint of heart, lol. 🙂