Post # 1
I could really use some unbiased advice! A little background; My SO and I are both 25, we live together and we have been dating just shy of 2 years. He’s a great guy and my family and friends couldn’t be happier that we are together. I never really saw myself getting married anytime soon (He absolutely insists we wait until he’s finished with grad school and honestly, its never really bothered me). We’ve talked about marriage and kids and both are on board with it later down the road. However, recently SO has talked about going to grad school… in Paris. Now, he is going to apply this year and wont find out anything till the end of the year so there is some time, however, we’ve talked about it and its clear to me that he wants me to come with. I was super excited at the thought! (Paris for a year or two? How cool!) Until I started to look up visa/work/travel/costs. It had occurred to both of us that unless I get a student visa myself, I’d have to travel back and forth from the states a few times PLUS I would have to leave my job and face the possibility of not being able to get a job in France.
So, out of this whole situation two key topics have been raised. First one, my mother and a couple of my best friends (for lack of a better word) FREAKED out at me about the idea of me living/trying to find a way to support my SO through grad school. In their opinion, moving to a foreign country, giving up my job, home, and security for 2 years to try support a guy that I’m neither engaged to nor married to seems ridiculous to them. The second is the job/work situation. I have a great career in a great city that I would be sad to leave. I’m up for adventure, but after my friends and family made such negative comments about it I’m feeling a bit more anxious myself. I’m wondering; am I really that naive to the situation? I don’t feel like my SO is taking advantage of me or anything, but the negative comments sort of threw me off. What would you bees do in this situation?
Post # 3
I moved to be with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years, but I only moved 4 hrs from my home state. Personally, i wouldn’t feel comfortable moving across an ocean without a ring on my finger, and especially not if I would be leaving job security behind. I think you are asking different questions. Yes, I would absolutely move to be with my boyfriend without a commitment, but No, I would not move to a different country to be with him without a commitment. I think those are totally different ballgames.
Post # 4
I see you just posted this and I am speaking from my own experience, you will ultimately make your own decision, but I am in agreement with your mother and your friends. I would not leave everything I had here to travel half way across the world without some sort of commitment, especially since you have so much to lose. Yes love is a great and beautiful thing, but it’s not a guarantee of happiness and stability. Again this is my own personal opinion, I wish you good luck in whatever decision you make.
Post # 5
Sounds exciting but personally I couldn’t do it. I’d need him to show me that he is serious about committing to me for the rest of his life before I could drop everything and follow him across the world. That would be too unstable of a situation for me.
Post # 6
While 25 seems almost like the perfect age to travel and do something adventurous like this, the idea of having to work out visas and having to go back and forth seems rather daunting and giving up a job that you love in the hopes that maybe you’ll be able to find something there seems scary. If if was only one of those two things, like you had a secure job in Paris, but the visa problem was an issue, or you weren’t sure about a job, but it would be in like Chicago or LA or something, I’d probably say it’s worth it.
A friend of mine wanted her to move with him when he got a teaching position in a small town in Vermont. She would have not only left all of her family, friends, and job, but moved to the middle of smalltown nowhere where he was her only support system. Things didn’t work out with him, but I can’t imagine what would have happened if she had moved. At least if she was moving to a larger city, she could have made the best of it and had more opportunities.
And Paris is a huge city and I’m not saying that anything will happen between you two, but it is in another country and you’re not a citizen and that makes for too many complications for my liking.