Would you pledge 'forever'?

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
  • poll: What do you have in mind when you pledge 'forever' to your SO?
    I mean forever, no exceptions allowed : (82 votes)
    32 %
    I mean forever, as long as the relationship is healthy : (142 votes)
    55 %
    I don't pledge forever, because there are no guarantees : (17 votes)
    7 %
    Other (please explain) : (17 votes)
    7 %
  • Member
    4741 posts
    Honey bee

    My bff who left her cheating husband, put it something like this: he’s broken his vows so I’m not bound by mine. She too never dreamed it would happen when she married.

    EDIT: I voted “other”. I wouldn’t simply leave if the relationship was unhealthy, I’d work at it. But with many people, a point of no return is passed. The obvious ones are cheating and abuse, but there can be other reasons too.

    (BTW we pledged “as long as we both shall live”, since we’re both free to marry if the other dies).

    Member
    973 posts
    Busy bee

    Infidelity is basically the only thing I won’t forgive. That’d most likely be it for me. Not only because of the act itself, but then there’d be no way I could ever trust him ever again. Couldn’t deal. 

    Member
    4974 posts
    Honey bee

    Baring abuse or infidelity (and this is something I think CAN be worked on but it is hard) I mean forever. I know it won’t always be sunshine and rainbows and hate the idea that just because something isn’t working out exactly how someone wanted they should just drop it and not even try. But I also don’t think for a second anyone should ever have to stay in an abusive relationship, mental/emotional or physical. 

    Member
    1986 posts
    Buzzing bee

    If he breaks his vows I forgo mine. Also if he commits a crime that I cannot forgive such as drugs, murder, rape I forgo my vows. This has been discussed, but we are vowing forever

    Member
    2265 posts
    Buzzing bee

    When I say ‘forever,’ I mean forever. So does FI. We take that aspect of our relationship *very* seriously. This is why I wouldn’t promise ‘forever’ to just anyone or any relationship- I would have to know that man EXTREMELY extremely well before I made that kind of commitment- like I wouldn’t make that kind of commitment until at least a couple of years in.

    The thing to remember, regarding marriage, is that there are other promises that are taken with marriage vows, NOT just that you will stay together forever. The other vows should be taken JUST as seriously as the one where you promise ‘forever.’ And BOTH people have to honor those vows.

    I think if something were to happen between FI and I- infidelity, abuse, what have you, I would owe it to him and our relationship to insist that we go to some sort of marriage counseling. However, if the other person isn’t willing to work on things, there is only so much that you can do.

    I would never put up with a habitual cheater/abuser. If my FI cheated on me, I’m not sure what I would do. I’d like to think that I would be able to forgive him and we would be able to work through it. But if he did it more than once? I don’t think I’d be able to move past that.

    I think that’s why it’s soooo important to be looking for the signs of that before you get married or make that kind of promise. (Granted, I personally know women who were completely fooled and there weren’t ANY signs of that sort of thing until after she had walked down the aisle.)

    I would never get married to someone unless I could say with certainty that he would never do those things to me. Because I would feel incredibly uncomfortable promising ‘forever’ to someone unless I was absolutely sure that he would hold up *all* of his vows, too.

    You were right to break up with that guy, and for that very same reason, you’re definitely right not to take him back.

    Member
    8753 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I don’t think we ever use the term forever.  It would be pretty meaningless to DH, as he doesn’t believe in any type of after-life.  Personally, I would have trouble vowing to anything ‘forever’ as there are so many unknowns.  We trust each other and are willing to work with each other when the going gets tough.

    Member
    4693 posts
    Honey bee

    I can forgive infidelity if it’s not emotional or systematic. If it’s a one night stand, or even multiple one night stands in a short period, I could get over it. I have three dealbreakers:

    1. Abuse

    2. Emotional/systematic long term infidelity

    3. Addiction without remorse or desire to seek help.

    That’s it. Those are the only things that could break “forever.”

    Member
    4693 posts
    Honey bee

    @Aquababes:  Honestly? Yeah, I think so. The notion of uncompromising forever is very romantic but for me, not 100% realistic. ALMOST 100%… but not quite.

    Member
    10833 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    Like the PP’s I stand by forever (my vows) until his vows are broken and then I walk. That means cheating or abuse towards my son or myself. I think anything else we could work through but those issues can not be worked out. I hope it never comes to that, I feel terrible even typing it but he knows my limits and I trust he wouldn’t push those limits.

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