Would you prefer if your SO stayed at home?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Stay at home SO?
    I'd love if my SO didn't work (we don't have kids). : (5 votes)
    5 %
    I'd love if my SO didn't work (we do have kids). : (1 votes)
    1 %
    I'd love to stay at home and while SO works (we don't have kids). : (33 votes)
    31 %
    I'd love to stay at home and while SO works (we do have kids). : (11 votes)
    10 %
    I think we both should work (we don't have kids). : (45 votes)
    43 %
    I think we both should work (we do have kids). : (7 votes)
    7 %
    Some other possibility that the poll doesn't address. : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    922 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Personally, i could never be one to stay home with kids. FI has joked about being a stay at home dad, but I don’t think he ever actually would 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1197 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    FI didn’t have a job when we moved to our current city, and it was a NIGHTMARE to have him stay at home.  His career is really important to him, and I know he’d be terribly unhappy to not be working.  

    I wouldn’t mind staying home once we have kids, but only for a couple of years.  Ideally, I’d like to work part-time.

    Post # 5
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    No. I would honestly prefer us to both work full time. Both of us are very career driven (him especially), and neither of us can see ourselves having non-full time jobs. SO currently works 70+ hours a week, and he has actually stated that he can never see himself having a normal 40-hour/week, 9-5 job. He wouldn’t know what to do with all the free time! We don’t have kids obviously, but even when we do, I can’t see myself quitting or even working part-time for that matter. I really enjoy working and being a career-oriented woman, and I’m not sure if having children in the future will change that drastically.

    Post # 8
    Member
    922 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    While we don’t have kids, I don’t see a point in him being home all day every day. If one of us were to stay home, it should be me, since I’m far more domestic and organized, and FI would hate doing all of the cleaning and shopping. Even with kids, if he’s not willing to do all of the cooking, cleaning and shopping, I wouldn’t alow him to be a SAHD. 

    I think that we could easily live on my income alone, so its not about money so much. But I like to vacation, save for retirement, etc, so having the extra money allows that. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    922 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Also, I am the one that works too much in our relationship. FI has expressed that he’d like me to work less, but I love my career and scalig back isn’t an option for me at this time 

    Post # 10
    Member
    3280 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    No way. He’d never want to stay home and I wouldn’t want him to either. I will likely stay home for awhile when we have kids. Even if I made more then him, it’s my responsbility to take care of the home/kids. Even if he stayed home, he’d never do any of the housework and I wouldn’t expect him to. He typically works over 60 hours a week, and pushes 80+ during planting and harvest. 

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    1197 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @Goofball:  good question!  Probably not – I would imagine I would go stir crazy after a while.  

    In your case, I could definitely see how staying at home would be good for your DH.  Traveling so much can’t be good for him or you!  Is there a way he can maybe work from home?  

    Post # 12
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    @Goofball:  No we were both mentally prepared for his hours – when we started dating, he had the job offer lined up already but had not yet started the position. I knew what I was getting myself into before we got really serious. Also, I had previously worked in a job with similar hours, so I knew the ins and outs of what his job entails. I’m also able to keep myself easily entertained on my own. Most nights my SO doesn’t get home until at least 10-11 pm, and he works a lot of weekends as well. I get home after work at around 5:30 pm, and I actually enjoy having my own free time in the evenings (I do a lot of cooking, working out, playing video games, watch tv, etc.)

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    430 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    SO would go nuts if he didn’t have a schedule and somewhere to be other than the house every day. He needs that organisation and sense of responsibility earning a paycheck and supporting both himself and me. While I do work, I would honestly rather work a couple evenings a week as a dance teacher and spend the remainder of my time taking care of the house. SO would prefer that as well. We just don’t have the means to make that work right now, but in the future that will most likely be the case.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    @Goofball:  At this point, we don’t have children. We aren’t 100% certain we will and if we do, it won’t be for another 5 to 7 years. Therefore, it just makes sense for both of us to work right now.

    If/when we have children, our initial inclination is that we will both work. DH may consider going part time or being a stay at home day for a period of time. I currently make almost twice what he does, so financially it would make more sense. We would be comfortable with either option.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2076 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    We don’t have kids yet. We both would rather me stay home, even before kids. I have a few debilitating chronic illnesses that make it very hard for me to work and keep up with the house. DH is not into cleaning and he would go stark raving mad if he had to quit his job and stay home. I, on the other hand, would love to be able to stay home. Probably after we move, I’ll be able to quit my job permanently. Kids will follow shortly after that. 

    Post # 16
    Hostess
    11469 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    We are expecting our first child in August and while we could financially afford for me to stay at home I would lose my amazing benefits and probably my mind if I did. Our plan is for me to work less hours four days a week until we have our second child, then i will be a SAHM.

    DH would not want to stay at home and he would quite truthfully suck at taking care of the homefront. This is not his “expertise” if you know what I mean. He makes more than twice the amount I do nowadays, better that he works.

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