Post # 1
So I’ve been doing good and been okay with waiting for over a month. Especially since around easter SO told me that I won’t be waiting no 4-6 more months. I was very excited and vowed silence until at least our 4 yr anniversary in August. Now I’m back to feeling sucky about waiting.
Our big issue is MONEY (or should I say his big issue). In the last 6 months he’s had 3 jobs. These last two being temporary because he lost his really good job that he’s had for a few years at the end of the year so he’s just been taking what he can get to make ends meet. I have been very sympathetic and supportive in that regard (financially) being that I have thousands saved up. My issue is now that our 4 yr anniversary is coming (my deadline) I’m getting antsy as to whether or not he can or will propose by then. Only a little more than two months away. The most recent job he’s only been on for three weeks and I know that’s not enough time to save and purchase the ring, etc. But I started to go mentally insane today when I thought about his upcoming family reunion.
This is the first one he’s going to since he was younger and of course the first one that we’ll be at together. And I’m dreading it already. It’s about a month away. I just am not in the mood to be introduced as the “girlfriend” (hate that word) “significant other” to hundreds of people it doesn’t really sound serious and it makes me cringe. I really wish we could be engaged by then. I almost want to just say forget it and tell him we can purchase the ring from my savings. He can then propose however he wants. I may be acting out right now by saying that but that’s how I’m feeling. I’m tired of waiting and it’s getting very old. Yet he’s soooo traditional and wants to be the “man” and purchase the ring, do the big proposal all himself, etc. And I don’t want to take that away but WOW really? I offered to at least assist with purchasing the ring before and his comment was that it would pretty much make him feel sort of less than a man and that he doesn’t want me to resent him for it later or be able to use that against him like in an argument, etc(which I would never do because I’m not that type of person).
So just a thought. Have any of the engaged/waiting bees purchased or assisted with the purchase of your ring? If so, how do you feel about it now? Or for those who didn’t or won’t….do you think you would regret it later? I’m certain he won’t allow me to help so just needed to vent. I’m probably just having one of those “waiting days”. Thanks.
Post # 3
I sort of paid for my ring. We share all our money, so we both paid. I don’t regret it at all. Once you’re married all your money gets combined anyways, so I don’t see the big deal in helping him pay for things beforehand.
My FI didn’t have the whole “less of a man” complex about the whole thing though. He was totally fine with me chipping in.
Post # 4
both hubby and i paid for my ering together, i never thought for it to be done differently to be honest – we are partners so i thought it was unfair to expect him to be burden with 100% of the cost
Post # 5
In the end it becomes both of your money anyways. If I needed to I would have helped out and I would have been fine with it. It just depends on the big picture. Is it more important that he pays for the ring himself or that you get your proposal sometime soon?
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
We have a joint account, so it’s moot I guess. He’s definitely the breadwinner though.
Post # 7
If he said you won’t be waiting more than 4-6 months I would trust that. He probably has a plan. I know I freaked out right before my fiance proposed to me. I thought there is no way in hell that he could afford a ring because his financial situation was similar to your SO’s. I actually sat him down and told him that if he had access to any family heirlooms I would be happy with that because it would be meaningful – even if it wasn’t your typical engagement ring – and then we could always upgrade later. He lied and said he didn’t and he was saving and that he was hoping to propose in January. Turns out, he really did have a diamond from his grandmother all along and he paid to have it set in the exact setting I wanted. He literally had been planning on proposing on December 12th all along which is a special day for me (my freak out was December 8th) so he was trying to throw me off when he said he couldn’t propose until January. 4 days later I was engaged (as he had planned all along) but in retrospect I kind of wish I would have kept my mouth shut and let it just happen. 🙂
Post # 8
I wouldn’t offer to help pay for my ring… To me, the ring is a gift. I don’t pay for any other gifts that he gets me– b-day, Xmas, V-Day, etc.. so I didn’t expect to pay for my ring either. But, that being said, i don’t think there’s really anything wrong with it.. just wasnt my thing. I prob would feel different if our finances were combined.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t have a roblem helping him pay for it, but he’s the type of man who wouldn’t NOT accept money to pay for something he’s giving to me,etc.etc. Yeah, he’s a man’s man.LOL
Try to be calm and wait. He said in a few months, so try to be calm and patient. My SO lost his good job and had to take on a lower paying one, so I’m not at all asking about being engaged because I know how he wants to do things, even if it’s unnecessary to me.
I hate the word girlfriend too. >.<
Post # 10
@lessthan3: Thanks. OMG I really hope and pray he does have a plan like your SO did. I’m so pulling for that. I’ve been waiting since the first time we went ring shopping back in July. So 10 months ago. Regarding the 4-6 months thing. He basically said “I won’t make you wait another 6 months…not even another 4 months.” Which means that I should be engaged in 4 months (from Easter). That puts us at the end of August which is just a few weeks from my deadline of our anniversary beginning of August.
I think my biggest fear is for something to prevent it from happening. I guess because it’s getting closer and so many things are starting to happen that I’m getting antsy again. I was like this fall/winter last year and I was let down. So that’s my fear. There is so much going on in the coming months that I’m scared he will get side tracked. His daughter will be here for 4-6 wks staying with us (she lives out of state), the big family reunion, I’m graduating with my second degree, we’re going on a celebratory trip for my graduation, and then our 4 year anniversary. I think more than anything I feel like he may not do it when his daughter is here. Which is half the summer practically. Because he may be caught up in spending time with her, money on her, etc. I don’t want to interefere with that at all. Yet I feel like this is the time. I will stay calm and quiet just in case he’s planning something but only until our four year anniversary. After that a huge talk is in order and things will definitely have to change. Even if there are a couple more weeks until the “4 months” he vaguely stated. If he’s waiting until the last minute then shame on him. He should of given me a broader timeline.
Thanks ladies for keeping me calm and allowing me to vent. I really appreciate it.
Post # 11
Also I don’t think he will do it on the trip because that’s also my BFF bday weekend and her and her SO are going too. And I wouldn’t want to get engaged on her bday. WOW that’s no bueno. But my actual graduation weekend maybe. Ugghhhh we’ll see. I guess I’m just freaking out right now. I hope this passes. I’ve been calm waiting for at least the last 2 months even with the economic and his financial situation.
Post # 12
I had a similar story. I was sooo impatient. We knew we would get married, so really, why wait? Well, it was super important to him that we were financially stable before being engaged. I understood that, but that didn’t make waiting easier. At 3 and a half years, we kept setting “goals” like your 4-6 months, and they kept getting pushed back. I never thought about leaving him because of it, it was just so stressful for us. We had been going ring shopping for almost two years. I really wanted it before we moved out of state together, so that was one goal… but it didn’t happen. Finally, it was just a few months shy of our 5 year anniversary, and for my birthday he took me shopping to pick out my ring… but he still waited to propose. That wait was agonizing and really, made me angry! Finally, right before halloween, he proposed– it was a botched proposal, but super sweet anyway. I got my ring, and we’re all happy now.
On paying for it… so, I’m the breadwinner, we live together and have a shared account. He saved before we had the joint account and was able to pay for half of it, and we paid for the other half. He had a problem with it at the beginning, but really, does it matter? You’re sharing your life together… so what if you share the cost of your engagement ring?
Also, I totally understand about the family reunion. I HATED being called “girlfriend.” How would you feel if he proposed and got your ring when he could afford it? I was initially totally against this (why the proposal took so long), but I realized that all that mattered what that he asked and I said yes. The ring will come, but it’s about money… and the proposal should be about love, I think. –That’s not meant to be snarky, we all want the ring! Just, in retrospect, the proposal alone would have made me just as happy. Especially once I realized he really wanted to propose (and would have without the ring), but I made such a big deal about the ring, he felt bad. Now I’m rambling, but I hope this helps!
Post # 13
I bought my ring with my tax money. If I had waited until he saved “his money” (we have a joint account) I might still be waiting for my ring. I don’t even think about it when I show people my ring. I figure since our account is joint who’s to really say who’s money it was lol.
Post # 14
hubs paid for my ering, but I paid for my wedding band, and I will also pay for my real band (couldn’t afford what I really wanted before the wedding, so once I save up, I will get what I really want). Honestly, it doesn’t really matter. Like PPs have said, its all the same money once you get married anyway
Post # 15
@PrettySedity: OMG i felt the same way when i went to my bfs cousins wedding! like, “oh great. i get to be inroduced as the gf and everybody will be thinking ‘wonder if we’ll ever see her again??'” well we went to the wedding and everyone was like “_____ has a gf?!” even worse, right? ugh oif he had just proposed already the fam would have taken me much more seriously
Post # 16
@MsFoxxy: I agree with Ms. Foxxy, our finances are not combined at this time….but one thing I knew that I did not want to do was pay for my ering. Not that I find anything wrong with anyone who does….. just speaking for myself. I think it all depends on the indiviudal person. If you do not have a problem with it, and he agrees, then I say go for it 🙂 ….
Good luck…. he just might have something up his sleeve 🙂