Post # 1
OK this is a SPIN OFF TOPIC / Poll that came about due to another Bee’s topic, and what I found to be an outstanding number of Bees who stated they’d return the ERing to the guy no matter what.
Now for the record… I don’t know the OP’s full story on that topic, and exactly WHY this Engagement came to an end.
BUT, Ladies, I cannot for the life of me believe, that IF there is NO LEGAL OBLIGATION in your State / Province / Country… and that the Guy was the one who broke off the Engagement on you (or you on him, if you found out he was cheating)… that you all would just blindly turn over the ring / setting to him because the relationship has come to an end.
To me that sounds absolutely crazy…
Some guy dicks you over, breaks your heart, and you all want to give him back what probably amounts to the most valuable item he ever gave you ?
No siree Bob, if it is me (and as an Encore Bride it has been)
I’d be taking that sucker and removing “the stones”
(Lol… am I talking Ring now or Ex-Finace… evil grin)
And getting that “sparkle” made over into something else, that I love (aka badge of honour)… or selling that ring and going out and buying something special just for me…
Two week vacation at some posh resort comes to mind.
Afterall a girl has to mend her broken heart… and take care of herself, so she can move on as the Godess she truly is. And that takes money… and pampering… the kind that can come from Diamonds !!
Post # 3
Nope, we were common law before we got married, so it would have been common property to be split just like our house, cars, frequent flier miles, pensions, etc.
Post # 4
If I was not legally required to than I would keep the ring. But I can not imagine my engagement ending unless he cheated so he might just have to take me to court to get it back because I would be sopissed. However that really isn’t his style. He would see the ring as mine just like everything else he’s given me during this relationship.
Post # 5
I actually was engaged once prior. He came out as gay, we broke up, it was a huge mess, and we were trapped in a lease on a one bedroom apartment and neither of us could afford to live on our own. But I healed, we worked through our issues, and lived as roommates in a two bedroom for a year and a half after that. He’s actually my attendant of honor in my upcoming wedding.
I kept the ring. It was pretty and I loved it. He said that I could keep it because it was the least he could do after everything, and although I don’t wear it, because I have a new fiance and a much prettier ring I cherish it as a token from my past and a symbol of everything that my best friend and I have gone through.
Post # 6
Pissshhhh……I’d keep it and then sell it…and then buy myself something pretty..lol
Post # 7
I would give it back. I would most likely no longer want it or want it near me depending on what he did.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
@This Time Round: I’m with you. If he has the balls to cheat on me, I’m sure as hell going to have the balls to keep that sucker to use however I see fit… Such as redesigning it into something else or selling it to get a car or pay down my student loans.
Post # 9
Yes, under normal relationship dissolution circumstances.
Cheating’s a whole other kettle of fish. Not just about the ring, but everything, the gloves would come off!!
Post # 10
For me I would HAVE to get rid of the ring because I would want nothing that has memories of that guy or the relatiohnsip and how he hurt me. No matter what I was able to make the ring into from the stones I would be reminded of where the stones came from. Now, selling it that’s a different story. If I could sell it before giving it back and make a pretty penny I might. Tough call though.
Post # 11
I would totally sell the ring if the guy screwed me over and I wasn’t required to return it. I don’t think I’d want to keep it to wear, though, even as another form of jewelry.
Post # 12
I’m pretty sure I would keep it. Knowing my SO he wouldn’t want to even look at it if we ever broke up but I guess I could be wrong. I wouldn’t wear it around out in real life but I would want to keep it to do with how I see fit.
Post # 13
Thank you all for your votes / comments so far.
— — —
Most Brides2B that end up with a Broken Engagement… have it done somewhere in the process… not by being left at the alter.
And so, they also tend to be the one’s who’s name is on the dotted line… for all the Expenses incurred thus far… or many that are still to come (Vendor’s Agreements)
Does that change your point of view on returning the ring ?
In that not every guy is above board enough to pay up his share of the Wedding Expenses… or that a lot of gals, figure they won’t pursue him in court to get his share… too much drama… in that things can and do often drag on… making the whole break up that much more stressful / emotional / gut wretching.
Fact is, most women… just suck it up, figure what is done is done, and move on, urgently wanting to get on with their lives.
Post # 14
Not only would I for an engagement, I would (and tried to) for a marriage that lasted four years. In my logical and technical mind (as my friends and family call it and not regarding the ring lol): he bought it for an intended purpose, I’m obviously not using it for it’s intended purpose, he can have it back. lol Really it was that simple for me.
On the other hand, he didn’t want it back and I sold it on eBay for what he paid for it and bought a necklace I’ve worn almost every day for the last 9 years. 😀 Once he said he didn’t want it then I felt like was free and clear and did what I wanted with it.
He didn’t cheat but the reason for the split was his (long story not needed here!).
I can also see where “here I don’t want this” is a way of saying “you spent time and money on this and it means nothing to me, nor do you”. I had a mental image of the enraged woman throwing the ring at a man because she so detests it because it came from him (random thought, hope that makes sense!).
Post # 15
@This Time Round: When I commented it was just for myself, other people might have a guy who is abusing them, leeching off of them, whatever, (I’ve heard plenty of horror stories where the guy definitely deserves no kindness from her) so I’m sure there are more situations than just cheating where I might think it was reasonable.
However, in my case, my FI treats me very well and he put a lot of effort into not only saving for the ring but making just the right one for me. If I didn’t want to marry him anymore, the least I could do is give him the ring. He will have to unset it and melt it down to something else because it’s super-personalized and personal between us the way it is now, but that’s his business. He bought it for his “future wife,” so if I don’t marry him, and it wasn’t because of something completely horrible and shocking he did, then I wouldn’t feel right to not return it to him.
(Plus, the hopeless romantic in me says, maybe he would keep the ring as-is, and win me back. And then re-propose with the same ring 🙂 …that wouldn’t be possible if I didn’t give it to him when I left.)
I don’t think there is any risk of us not making it to the altar though 🙂
Post # 16
I believe the etiquette surrounding an engagement ring requires it be returned, should the engagement end. It’s not a free-and-clear gift; it has a string attached, and you know that when you accept it. The string is the marriage, and the ring is given only in anticipation of marriage.
you cannot hold the ring as wedding deposit barter; better to have both partners sign for those expenses.