Post # 1
My best friend moved to another country a year and a half ago. Since she has been gone I have met and gotten engaged to FI. She has come home a few times and met him on at least one visit. She likes him and she is happy for us. I asked her if it would at all be possible for her to come home and be a bridesmaid. She said it was possible and her mom has bought her plane tickets and her BM dress. I knew full well she wouldn’t be able to be involved in the planning process, but just wanted my bestie as a BM. So I am so thankful she is coming and I’m psyched to see her.
But lately, she has been posting things on facebook that have slowly been adding up and bothering me.
Ex 1: A mutual group of our friends (who aren’t invited to the wedding – well one person was and they declined, different story) set up a Pumpkin Carving event on facebook for the day of my wedding. They didn’t include her (or me) on the invite. She wrote on the event’s wall and complained that no one had invited her even if they knew it wasn’t feasible for her to attend.
Ex 2: She wrote a facebook status saying that she’s only back for 4 “measly” days and doesn’t get ot have a party. So who wants to have a bonfire and wine with her on Sunday night. I should note that the day she wrote this on FB was the day of my bachelorette party. I had emailed her and said how much I missed her and wish she was home for it. Then I read this, only about an hour after seeing her post on the pumpkin carving thing, and I facebook messaged her in the heat of emotion (bad idea, I know) and said “my wedding is a party and it is way better than pumpkin carving even though T didn’t seem to think so”. . Then I realized what a terrible person I was for saying that. So I messaged her again and said, “I’m sorry I just wigged out. But right or wrong a few of your comments have hurt my feelings”. Then the next morning I messaged her another apology to which she replied “Aw, wiggy, I love you.” um, ok. Later I find out that FI saw the same status of hers and was also slightly offended by it, not as much as me though. I mean, the whole reason she is coming home is for the wedding, right? But she complains on facebook? I thought she was happy to come home and share my day with me. I’ve asked nothing else of her… and remember, her mom is paying it all gladly and her mom and dad are even coming to the wedding. I used to spend a lot of time at her house.
Ex 3: Today I wrote on her FB wall, “You’re coming home this weeeeek!!!!” And this is her response, “I knoww! I’m so not ready nor thinking about it. I just bought a big ol’ package of hot dogs. Good thing those babies don’t spoil in 4 measly days.” And I just have to say…. ouch.
Should I address these things to her? Or am I being too sensitive as the wedding stress builds up? I’ve just really, really missed her during this whole wedding planning process and have been so excited she’s coming back. And it’s like she couldn’t give a rip and/or that I’m inconvenincing her somehow.
Post # 3
It sounds to me like she’s kidding. Only you know your history with her, and if she’s really being hateful and snarky — but it seems like her “Aw, Wiggy, I love you” was an acceptance of your apology for overreacting, and now she’s teasing you both about the four measly days comment she had previously made. She’s making fun of herself, essentially.
Post # 4
I would try and let it go for now. If her behavior is strange when she gets here, then have a coffee date and a heart-to-heart conversation with her. Sometimes things just don’t translate well over the internet.
Post # 5
I dunno, if this were me, I’d probably just let it slide. 4 “measly” days could possibly refer to short trip only being 4 days as “measly” like, ugh, the trip is so damn short… not, the activities during the 4 days are measly and not worth the trip. She said they know she cant go to the event, but maybe it is nice to be invited so I dont think that’s a big deal, its not like she would consider blowing off the wedding for pumpkin carving. Maybe her choice of words is not ideal, but it is a short trip from another country. I mean, if I were flying to say Germany for 4 days, I could see my self saying ugh, only 4 stupid days. But that is in referece to the short trip, of course I’m still going to love being there for that time.
Post # 6
She’s coming back to her hometown for your wedding right? I wouldn’t take any of what she is saying as a dig at your wedding. I live overseas and don’t get home often, 4 days isn’t long to spend with the people you care about back home and it just seems like she is venting that she doesn’t get to spend longer there with you and the people she cares about.
Post # 7
Sounds like she is making light of your earlier conversation in a good way.
Post # 8
I think you’re reading way too much into things. Of course she is going to want to see other friends while she’s home, and she’s got every right to be a little disappointed at how short her trip is. She’s not blaming you for the short trip, just complaining about it being short. And while your wedding is the main reason for her trip, she’s left a lot more friends than just you behind; it’s only natural that she wants to see them and plan something with all of them while she’s in town anyway. Especially considering your wedding on a Saturday— only natural she wants to plan something to do with those other friends after your wedding. She knows you’re probably not going to want to hang out wiht her the day after your wedding— you’ll be busy being exhausted and feeling married to want another person around.
Yet another reason why facebook basically sucks.
Post # 9
I would chalk it up to hypersensitivity due to wedding stress and let it go. Good luck this weekend!!!
Post # 10
I think you’re being way over sensitive…
Post # 11
Thanks, ladies. I wondered if the stress of everything was making me a bit touchy. That’s why I thought I’d run it by the bees. I won’t say anything to her. I’d hate to become a bridezilla.
Post # 12
I think you’re stressed and overly sensitive. I see nothing wrong with what she’s posted on FB so there is nothing to address with her. You’re reading way too much into her status updates so just avoid FB and have a great wedding. 🙂
Post # 13
She’s coming home for a short time and most of it she will be doing wedding stuff with you. I mm sure there is a lot of stuff andpeephole she missesbut won’t be able to do/see bc of the wedding. That’s the context I read her posts in and I really don’t see any reason to be offended.
Post # 14
My husband and I just traveled to another continent for a wedding. We were in transit for a total of about 36 hours and spent about 3 days at the actual wedding. I’m glad we went because it was for a really really good friend of mine. But wow was it ever an exhausting trip! And it was even more stressful for the MOH. She was venting to me on the flight home.
I don’t regret going to the wedding, but that didn’t make it an easy trip. She’s probably just anticipating how overwhelmed it will feel. It’s her weekend too.
Post # 15
Ex 1: She wishes she could be invited just so she knew her friends still thought of her. Where’s the problem in that?
Ex 2: She’s only coming home for 4 days and wishes it was for longer.
Ex 3: So she’s not ready for the trip yet, i.e. she hasn’t packed. She’s just busy with her own life. Why is that a problem?
Do NOT address these things with her. There is no problem. I think you are just stressing and overthinking it. She will be there, that is what matters. Have a wonderful wedding!