Post # 1
My fiance bought my engagement ring at JcPenney. He knows nothing about rings and quality. He never asked my input before proposing except for if I liked squares or circles. lol His money situation was tight so I didn’t expect an expensive ring but I do wish he had the forethought to try and save or get his credit better to get better quality. We could have foregone some of the weekend dinners and activities so he can save. Anyhoo. My ring was like $600. I’m sure nobody would know unless they looked closer. He got 10K white gold, again not high quality and I have metal allergies but we’ll see how that goes. But the diamond is a little less than .5, not certified and extremely cloudy. Like not sparkly at all. I’ve considered upgrading my diamond at least with my own money without his knowledge. I think of the close-ups of the ring for the wedding photos and wonder if my ring will look yucky. I don’t want bigger, just a better cut and clarity. He really knows nothing about rings and wouldn’t know at all. Would you replace the diamond? And would you tell him?
Post # 2
That’s a tricky one, what if he finds out? My S0 would be mad that I lied to him more than the actual action of changing the stone. I would tell him that would want to change the diamond and that you will pay for it
Post # 3
Show us the ring. It may be one of those times when you are your own worst critic and it may look totally fine in photos.
Post # 4
I know personally from a close friend that the JCP rings don’t last super well over time. My friend has a nice quality E ring and then she got a wedding band (eternity band style with diamonds) from JCP. Over 13 years time her E ring was still really nice looking and the diamonds looked incredible, but her JCP band looks terrible. The metal was bad, the diamonds were bad. It was just bad. I took her to the store my FI got my E ring and she found a band to match her E ring perfectly and bought it…
Do you think for now you could leave the ring and then talk to your FI about upgrading when he’s able to afford something a little higher quality? I think he would be more hurt if you did it behind is back. It’s best to be honest with him.
Post # 5
crzyorchid: my FI bought my ring with no input from me. I just asked him how he would feel in this situation. He said he would want to know if I wanted to change anything but as long as I made it very clear that I loved the ring but know more about diamonds and wanted one that was the same but better quality he’d probably be initially a bit disappointed that he’d not done a good job (his words not mine) but would be ok witg it as long as I liked the ring. Dunno if this helps 🙂
Post # 6
So you are willing to lie to your FI? Seriously that isn’t cool. Just be upfront with him and talk to you him instead of going behind his back/
Post # 7
Technically, you buying your own diamond defeats the point and so does being dishonest with your FI… I think it’ll still look beautiful in pictures – it’s really hard to compare diamonds in photos. Just get it upgraded for an anniversary 🙂
Post # 8
No way would I spend several hundred or several thousand dollars without at least telling him. We keep both joint and personal accounts so we don’t have to “get permission” for every little thing that is our own indulgence, but when it comes to larger purchases, we at least give the other the courtesy of a heads up. If he wants to spend $800 on a new xbox, out of his money, I’m not going to say no, but if he did it without telling me, I’d be at least annoyed, and if he replaced a gift I gave him with another fairly similar item in secret, I’d be upset and hurt.
Post # 9
cpick: That does help. I think he would feel the same way that he didn’t do a good job. He’s already mentioned that he wished he could get me a $2000 ring but he couldn’t. To him he sees something that to his eyes looks the same as a Robbins Bros ring but is 75% cheaper, so he doesn’t get that the gold and the diamond are not high quality as he wanted a decent size instead of a fleck of diamond. I get it. I’m practical, too. But I still want some sparkle.
Sassygrn: I’ve had it since November. So I was trying to get over it. I know I don’t necessarily want to lie but to spare his pride, I wonder if it would be easier to just do it because he won’t know and he won’t ask. But I get it. I also don’t want him to feel bad about not paying for it or try to pay for it then I still don’t get what I want because I’m worried about his wallet.
crisy003: I’m thinking when we shop for wedding bands to steer him away from JcPenney and suggest we go to the jewelry district in L.A. and then maybe I’d bring up that I might be interested in getting a better quality diamond for my e-ring and I was willing to pay for it. But we are spending a lot of money on the wedding so maybe I will wait for our 1 year anniversary or something. I don’t know.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t replace it without telling him first.
Post # 11
I wouldn’t. It just wouldn’t feel like the right way to start married life to be honest. Either suck it up and keep the stone he chose or tell him the truth and see how he would feel about you contributing towards an upgraded stone.
Post # 12
No don’t that’s terrible that you are willing to decive him like that.
And there’s nothing wrong with 10K, it’s what I’ve got and I’d nuch prefer it over something better quality. It’s cheaper looks just as nice and it stronger.
As with the diamond be honest with him that you want a better quality one. He will probably be hurt it took you do long to tell him anyway.
Post # 13
My condolences on your ring. But I wouldn’t replace the stone without telling your FI – it’s dishonest, a lie by omission. Better to be honest with him. I am so sick of hearing “oh his feelings will be so hurt” every time someone states that she doesn’t love her ring. In marriage you will have plenty of times that you see things differently, just be kind about expressing your opinion. In time you will be doing better financially and you can upgrade. But diamonds are ridic expensive and it sounds like it’s just not a good time to splurge.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May
It’s a lousy position to be in but I don’t recommend doing it on the sly. How a situation like this is handled reveals how a couple handles communication overall. Switching it without telling him it opens up trust issues and shows you aren’t comfortable sitting down and telling him. On the other hand he didn’t ask your input which is also unbalanced. Offer to upgrade it and pay the difference yourself? Look into moissanite or possibly a gemstone if that’s a viable alternative for you. Try to broach the topic as more of an investment and show how you could get more bang for your buck. Or toss it in a new setting to disguise it a bit.
i did reset my stone recently and I asked my FI how he felt about it first. I actually cried because I was so nervous talking to him about it. He told me I could do anything I wanted as long as I asked him first and I didn’t swap out the stone he picked. To hm the biggest dealbreaker was if I didn’t tell him first.
Post # 15
My husband would be incredibly hurt. We’re in a relationship — we’re supposed to be open and honest with each other. If he ever found out, I know he would feel very betrayed that I had to lie to him and go behind his back.<br /><br />ETA: I have a pretty sensitive nickel allergy and 10k has never bothered me. Every body is different, but just because you have an allergy doesn’t mean you’ll have a reaction.