Would you secretly replace your diamond?

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
16 posts

That’s a tricky one, what if he finds out? My S0 would be mad that I lied to him more than the actual action of changing the stone. I would tell him that would want to change the diamond and that you will pay for it

Post # 3
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Show us the ring. It may be one of those times when you are your own worst critic and it may look totally fine in photos.

Post # 4
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I know personally from a close friend that the JCP rings don’t last super well over time. My friend has a nice quality E ring and then she got a wedding band (eternity band style with diamonds) from JCP. Over 13 years time her E ring was still really nice looking and the diamonds looked incredible, but her JCP band looks terrible. The metal was bad, the diamonds were bad. It was just bad. I took her to the store my FI got my E ring and she found a band to match her E ring perfectly and bought it…

Do you think for now you could leave the ring and then talk to your FI about upgrading when he’s able to afford something a little higher quality? I think he would be more hurt if you did it behind is back. It’s best to be honest with him.

Post # 5
1116 posts
Bumble bee

crzyorchid:  my FI bought my ring with no input from me. I just asked him how he would feel in this situation.  He said he would want to know if I wanted to change anything but as long as I made it very clear that I loved the ring but know more about diamonds and wanted one that was the same but better quality he’d probably be initially a bit disappointed that he’d not done a good job (his words not mine) but would be ok witg it as long as I liked the ring. Dunno if this helps 🙂

Post # 6
6632 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

So you are willing to lie to your FI? Seriously that isn’t cool.  Just be upfront with him and talk to you him instead of going behind his back/ 

Post # 7
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Technically, you buying your own diamond defeats the point and so does being dishonest with your FI… I think it’ll still look beautiful in pictures – it’s really hard to compare diamonds in photos. Just get it upgraded for an anniversary 🙂

Post # 8
5781 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

No way would I spend several hundred or several thousand dollars without at least telling him. We keep both joint and personal accounts so we don’t have to “get permission” for every little thing that is our own indulgence, but when it comes to larger purchases, we at least give the other the courtesy of a heads up. If he wants to spend $800 on a new xbox, out of his money, I’m not going to say no, but if he did it without telling me, I’d be at least annoyed, and if he replaced a gift I gave him with another fairly similar item in secret, I’d be upset and hurt.

Post # 10
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I wouldn’t replace it without telling him first.

Post # 11
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I wouldn’t. It just wouldn’t feel like the right way to start married life to be honest. Either suck it up and keep the stone he chose or tell him the truth and see how he would feel about you contributing towards an upgraded stone. 

Post # 12
97 posts
Worker bee

No don’t that’s terrible that you are willing to decive him like that.

And there’s nothing wrong with 10K, it’s what I’ve got and I’d nuch prefer it over something better quality.  It’s cheaper looks just as nice and it stronger. 

As with the diamond be honest with him that you want a better quality one. He will probably be hurt it took you do long to tell him anyway. 

Post # 13
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My condolences on your ring. But I wouldn’t replace the stone without telling your FI – it’s dishonest, a lie by omission. Better to be honest with him. I am so sick of hearing “oh his feelings will be so hurt” every time someone states that she doesn’t love her ring. In marriage you will have plenty of times that you see things differently, just be kind about expressing your opinion. In time you will be doing better financially and you can upgrade. But diamonds are ridic expensive and it sounds like it’s just not a good time to splurge.


Post # 14
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May

It’s a lousy position to be in but I don’t recommend doing it on the sly. How a situation like this is handled reveals how a couple handles communication overall. Switching it without telling him it opens up trust issues and shows you aren’t comfortable sitting down and telling him. On the other hand he didn’t ask your input which is also unbalanced. Offer to upgrade it and pay the difference yourself? Look into moissanite or possibly a gemstone if that’s a viable alternative for you. Try to broach the topic as more of an investment and show how you could get more bang for your buck. Or toss it in a new setting to disguise it a bit.

i did reset my stone recently and I asked my FI how he felt about it first. I actually cried because I was so nervous talking to him about it. He told me I could do anything I wanted as long as I asked him first and I didn’t swap out the stone he picked. To hm the biggest dealbreaker was if I didn’t tell him first.

Post # 15
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

My husband would be incredibly hurt. We’re in a relationship — we’re supposed to be open and honest with each other. If he ever found out, I know he would feel very betrayed that I had to lie to him and go behind his back.<br /><br />ETA: I have a pretty sensitive nickel allergy and 10k has never bothered me. Every body is different, but just because you have an allergy doesn’t mean you’ll have a reaction.

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