Post # 1
I’m watching Jilted and the groom gave one of the bridesmaids a pre-nup to give to the bride. She wigged out!
So, what if your groom gave you a pre-nup hours/days/weeks/ect before the wedding. Would you sign it? Would you call off the wedding?
If my FI gave me a pre-nup I would throw that shit in his face and walk away. Immature? Sure. But I feel like pre-nups are saying “Hey…let me protect my ass if we get divorced.” When divorce shouldn’t even be an option. There is no amount of love in the world that would make me sign a prenup. I can honestly say that I would walk away from the relationship.
You guys are way off. The question was, “What if your groom gave you one before the wedding.” not “What if you both talked about it and came to an agreement?”
So..let’s start over.
Post # 3
@Miss Tattoo: After watching a movie where a pre-nup came up, we briefly talked about it. But since we’re both poor students neither of us has any assets to protect. I agree though, it seems weird to me because it’s like you’re expecting the relationship to fail.
Post # 4
I voted yes because he actually has a lot of family assets that I honestly have no right to, but I could probably get in a divorce; however, I can be very spiteful if I’m angry (which I probably would be if we were going to get a divorce). Also, I wouldn’t want it just thrown on me. We’d have to talk about it first, and since I’m a SAHW, I’d want him to agree to take care of me just a little until I could get back on my feet. But I totally understand where it would be hard to take if it was out of the blue and right before the wedding.
Post # 5
Prenups seem so depressing 🙁 I’d feel awful, but I am a very sentimental person lol
Post # 6
I agree. I can understand if someone was burned by a previous marriage that they might want one, but for myself personally, I can’t imagine wanting one/signing one.
There was an article on glamour about divorce insurance that seems pretty similar as far as expecting your marriage to fail. If I had any doubts/concerns, then I wouldn’t be getting married. They even offer a gross divorce probability calculator (we scored in the average probability range…I had to try it):
While I was watching My Big Friggin Wedding the other day (and the one groom to be kept saying “no pre-nup, no wedding!”), I thought a bit more about pre-nups and I really strongly feel like that is something that needs to be discussed BEFORE the proposal/planning begins.
Post # 7
I voted Yes but not because I would do anything for the man I love. FI and I actually considered having a pre-nup. I don’t see it as you are expecting the relationship to fail but more as a protection of your assets (especially things like retirement, IMO). FI and I both have divorced parents and in both cases one of our parents took way more than they should have from the other (again, retirement being the big one). FI and I both have good careers and make our own money so it seemed like a good idea to secure what was ours. Let’s face it ladies, we never know what will happen. Women today have more earning potential than they have ever had. We need to protect what we work for regardless of whether our marriage lasts forever or not. Of course, FI and I have been discussing this since I am the one who brought it up. He is fine with it and I don’t think it needs to go overboard until someones feelings gets hurt. Just the basics that obviously belong to a certain person.
Post # 8
My FI and I will be signing a prenup… my philosophy is that it’s a heck of a lot easier to plan a divorce when we still love each other and can have a civil, objective discussion. We live in an equity property state (not a community property state) so it is very important to us that FI and I decided how to divide the assets, not a judge/jury.
Plus, I had a few friends whose parents went through awful drop-down-drag-out divorces during middle/high school, and that type of environment is just totally unfair to your kid. These were not divorces where abuse was involved, but where $$$ and kids were bargaining chips to manipulate.
Post # 9
@Pwitty: lol I took the test and it basically said because I’m black I have a high possibility of divorce.
Post # 10
@Miss Tattoo: I usually agee with you but I disagree with you on this one Miss Tattoo. My SO and I both have assets and I have assets that have been in my family for generations that are simply off limits. Whatever we acquire or earn during the marriage is fair game. Why would someone be entitiled to something I had prior to ever meeting? Hmmm no. We are disclosing everything to one another and in most cases we will be listed as POD unless it is something that belongs to the family and will continue to be passed to my relatives.
Post # 11
There are tons of scenarios that are way less dramatic than the one you described. Many couples enter into a pre-nup process collaboratively and with mutual respect at heart. We have one that we drafted together to protect both ourselves and each other if things don’t work out (which, of course, we don’t expect to happen). It was wonderful learning for us to sit down and have those hard conversations and totally worth it.
Post # 12
I agree with @MissBoston. I will be signing something akin to a prenup because my DFi owns a business. I think its more funny than anything, and it’s not like I’m signing it because we’re planning on getting divorced. Basically it’s just going to state that if we do end the marriage at some point, I can’t take over the company and run it into the ground to make bank. I’m fine with signing it – but I hope DFi remembers to get this done more in advance than the day of the wedding!
Post # 13
We are signing one. We both come from a lot of money and need to think about not just us but our families when it comes to this. You never know what’s going to happen in life and while it might not be romantic its also not a bitter horrible thing to do. In our situation it would be a selfish irresponsible thing to not do.
Post # 14
I signed one and have no issues with them. I don’t expect our marriage to fail, so as far as I am concerned it’s his security blanket after his ex put him through a nasty divorce.
Post # 15
We’re also signing one. We didn’t look at it as planning a divorce, but protecting assets we had before the marriage, and which we’ll share during the marriage. I’m also a resident of Virginia, and in our state, you can’t shove a prenup at your future spouse the day of. There’s a grace period, and we both had to have separate attorney’s. It’s actually going really smoothly and I’m glad we’re doing it.
Post # 16
In our situation there is no need since I am the bread winner. But with some of my exes who come from very wealthy families, I know I would have needed to sign one and thats okay. I have no right to money that isn’t mine.
I don’t see a pre-nup as expecting the marriage to fail any more than life insurance as expecting someone to die. FI has life insurance and I am glad JUST IN CASE. I view prenups in the same way.