Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would you sign a prenuptial agreement?
    If my FI asked me to sign a prenup, that would be like planning for divorce. I would break it off. : (50 votes)
    21 %
    Yes, I think it's wise to sign a prenup. : (76 votes)
    32 %
    If the circumstances surrounding the prenup were somehow non-divorce-related, then yes. : (47 votes)
    20 %
    I would sign it to protect my own assets in the event of divorce. : (46 votes)
    19 %
    Other. : (20 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 76
    Member
    343 posts
    Helper bee

    I would only depending on the terms. Years together, division of assets etc. Especially where inheritance needs to be protected.

    Post # 77
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    I am asking my fiance for a prenup (we’ve already had informal discussions about it). Partially because I currently have a higher net worth and also because I do not want him to share in my future earnings if he leaves me or things otherwise don’t work out. 

    Post # 78
    Member
    5193 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    vickirut :  you may want to talk to a lawyer to see if that’s even legal in the state you live in.  

    Post # 79
    Member
    1388 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t mind signing, so long as I have my own lawyer review the terms and speak on behalf of my interests. Also, I wouldn’t sign anything that contained terms I didn’t agree to.

    My FI wants a pre-nup, but he owns a condo and $90K+ in liquid that he doesn’t want to have split, just because we got married. I understand his reasoning, because he purchased/saved all that on his own, before he met me. I, meanwhile, have less than 3K to my name (liquid), and suspect my engagement ring is the most expensive item I own, as it is probably worth more than my car. Plus, I have a couple years of student loans left, whereas he has none.

    On the other hand, he will most likely not have much (or any) inheritance. His parents had to downsize to remain retired, and he has three siblings. I have one sibling and my parents are pretty well off, so we will probably each get a decent inheritance. A pre-nup will benefit FI now, but it will benefit me in the (hopefully distant) future, provided the language ensures that inheritances are not shared assets.

    Post # 80
    Member
    902 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    nowyouareaghost :  It doesn’t make you feel like he is more concerned about the wealth he’s accumulated than he is about you?

    If you’re ok with him pre-planning your divorce, go for it.

    Post # 81
    Member
    1388 posts
    Bumble bee

    fredthebasil :  It took him years of hard work to accumulate that wealth. If the tables were turned, I would expect the same consideration from him. If he didn’t care about me, he wouldn’t be marrying my broke ass.

    No need to be snarky. I could just as easily say that you want to live in ‘la la land’ where unicorns dance with you in fields of flowers and love is all it takes to keep a marriage afloat.

    Post # 82
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    amanda1988 :  I am a lawyer actually 🙂 so have done some preliminary research on the topic

     

    editing to add that we will hire legal counsel to handle this for us, luckily I am surrounded by attorneys so have some good referrals. my fiance makes a good 6 figure salary so he makes more than enough to support himself 

    Post # 83
    Member
    3125 posts
    Sugar bee

    You do not divorce the same person you marry.

    If you have significant assets and the other doesn’t (and especially if you have children), hell yeah you sign one. You wont need it unless you get divorced anyway so that should be a non issue

    Post # 84
    Member
    65 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I requested FI sign a pre-nup immediately after we got engaged. We’re both lawyers and intellectually understand the purpose but it was still excruciating for about a week. Ultimately all it does is provide for the situation that if I die and we have children, my premarital assets and inheritances from my family go 100% to our kids in trust. It does not make any provisions for our divorce or alter the distribution assets we accumulate during our marriage.

    It’s always smart as a woman to provide for your children in the evil stepmother situation. Unromantic as it sounds, I’ve seen so many very very decent guys completely devoted to their first wife, seek companionship after the wife’s unexpected death within a year or two and marry a second time to the detriment of the existing children. Less so the other way around.

    Yes, there is an element of a lack of trust. But its not a personal one (i.e. It’s not that I personally don’t trust HIM as opposed to I personally don’t trust anyone except possibly my mom to raise my kids completely unaffected by anyone else’s interests but the kid’s).

    Post # 85
    Member
    115 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I understand people not wanting to have one or don’t care how assets are split – if both people agree, then great.

    It was an absolute must for me! I do believe in sharing and being generous when in a commited relationship or marriage. However, in the event of a divorce (and  no  one plans for a divorce but I have talked to multiple divorced people who said they never thought they would end up divorced and guess what, crap happens that you just don’t predict).

    I do not want the STATE to tell me how to split my assests/retirement  or  who has to pay whom alimony for how many years. It will just lead to bitterness.  This is insurance in case of divorce. If I do live happily ever after as I hope, then you NEVER have to use it. Great!  Our marriage, our terms. I don’t think just because you get married to someone and then divorce, means you deserve half of everything they own (and vice versa) and you get a big payout because you make less when you are not even married anymore.

    Post # 86
    Member
    165 posts
    Blushing bee

    I wouldnt sign a pre-nup that makes divorce easier. I would sign the prenup that makes divorce gross and miserable for whoever wants it. For example, I would sign a pre-nup that says “whoever initiates divorce first loses everything.”

     

    Post # 87
    Member
    527 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    Prenuptial = prerequisite to divorce

    Post # 88
    Member
    452 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    We didn’t.  I had some money from an accident (got hit by a car while on a bike), he had a house.  We have the kind of relationship that if anything were to happen, we’d work out the assets in an amicable manner.

    Post # 89
    Member
    195 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Where I am from if you don’t sign a prenup (or as we call it, an ante- nuptial agreement or ANC) then you are regarded as one entity finanically and you are each liable for the other one’s debt. Thus in practise, if one of us, for example, started a company and went insolvent, then without an ANC we could jointly be sued for all of our assets. With an ANC, only the assets belonging to the person who had gone insolvent would be at risk. This is why we signed an ANC. Ours says that whatever we earn during the marriage would be split equally in the event of divorce.  

    Post # 90
    Member
    494 posts
    Helper bee

    The posters saying that they wouldn’t have a prenup purely because it’s planning for divorce sound deluded, and I imagine are not the partner with the assets.

    The fact is a huge percentage of marriages end in divorce, everyone’s marriage has that chance.  Having a prenup doesn’t mean you want to divorce, or that you are more likely to have one – that’s ridiculous. It is logical to mitigate the problems that could arise from a seperation and it’s much easier to tackle these before.  

    We do not have a prenup as such, but we have sat down with a solicitor to work out a plan regarding the house. We will have bought the house before we’re married and this has forced us to work though all the messy issues. It deals with unequal deposits, what happens in the case of a split before the wedding/ after, what happens if the house has lost equity, deals with the case of buying the other partner out etc

    “For example, I would sign a pre-nup that says “whoever initiates divorce first loses everything.”
    This sounds so stupid to me, what if you are the one that wants a divorce? I have been with my SO for almost 8 years, and it will be 9 by the wedding, so I know him inside and out, but things happen in life that we don’t expect. Who knows where the next 20 years will take us? I am so sure that he would never cheat on me, but who can say for sure that he won’t change over the next 10 years?

    I would not want to be in a situation where he has broken our marriage, I have put all my money into the house and he won’t agree to sell so I can’t afford to go and buy my own place. The poster who said that you don’t marry the person you divorce spot on. 

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