Post # 1
Ok, I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and would love your opinions. I have a job that I generally really like. What I don’t like is that it requires me to travel to remote regions in Africa (think limited internet, bad phone coverage) for 3-4 weeks at a time once every 2 months, on average. I HATE being away from Darling Husband so much. It makes me so sad. Since we’ve been married, I’ve missed his birthday, my birthday, Thanksgiving, and I’m going to miss Memorial Day weekend…not to mention countless random weekends, etc. I just feel like I should be around for those things. One of my coworkers, who is also married and who has a similar travel schedule, told me that she and her Darling Husband are considering a separation because they’ve grown apart so much. I would do anything to prevent this from happening to Darling Husband and me!
So, I’m seriously thinking about leaving the job–but am I crazy to walk away from a good job these days? It’s not like I’m independently wealthy or anything… it’s my first job out of grad school and I’ve been there 2.5 years. What would you do?
Post # 3
I voterd that you stay until you find something else.
Everyone has different priorities in life, and it sounds like your marriage is at the top of your list (as it should be, of course). If you’re not happy then whats the point? Why would you want to be miserable for years? i’d rather live a little poorer with a job that makes me happy, and my home-life happy, than an awesome $$ job where I miss the imporant things in life.
Post # 4
I think you should stay until you find something else.
Obviously if this job is a negative in your life (due to all the time away from your DH), you shouldn’t continue to stay in a bad situation if you don’t have to. But it is WAY easier to find a job if you already have a job and are working. So don’t leave this job until you’ve secured a new one.
Post # 5
Line something else up, but I would consider leaving. Those are moments you can never get back.
Post # 6
I didn’t answer your poll. If you think that you and DH’s relationship is really suffering then I think you should work on finding another job and quit this one when you get it. But I don’t think that traveling necessarily is bad for your relationship– it is just a challenge like a lot of other challenges. If you two remain strong through it and you really enjoy your job, then I’d stay.
Post # 7
If you cannot re-tool the job to require less travel and you cannot be happy with all that travel, then it’s probably time to start looking for a new job.
I wouldn’t just up and quit without something else lined up (unless you feel like you are on the verge or a real dire relationship/personal situation).
Is there someone at the company you could talk to about decreasing your travel schedule? If decreasing your travel isn’t an option, then start to look elsewhere for another job.
Honestly, travel to Africa sounds amazing to me, but I can understand how going for 2-3 weeks at a time every 2 months or so would really put a strain on you and your relationships.
Any way your Darling Husband can go with you from time to time in the mean time so you aren’t away from each other so much?
Post # 8
@CorgiTales: Exactly. Travel can be hard on you, but it’s not impossible to maintain a relationship with a lot of travel especially if you are happy doing the travel/job you are doing.
The adjustment periods are the worst, but traveling the world one someone else’s dime just sounds so amazing.
I spent 3 weeks in India for my last job and it was very hard to be away from Fiance and deal with a 12 hr time difference, but I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Post # 9
If you’re feeling this way I definitely think it’s time to move on. However, I would not leave the job until you have something else lined up.
Post # 10
It sounds like you’re sort of indifferent about the job, like it isn’t your ‘dream’ job and not worth it when compared to how much you’re missing out with your Darling Husband. Every relationship is different, so don’t get too spooked by your coworker. I’m personally always hearing about couples who realized they actually didn’t like each other that much right after walking down the aisle, so I feel like it might not have amde a difference if they were long distance or not.
If you don’t like being away from home, feel like you’re missing out with your Darling Husband (which I personally think you are) and it isn’t your dream job then I would be out of there.
Post # 11
I will second the other PPs that having a successful relationship while one of the partners travels is very much possible.
My Darling Husband is away from home almost every week so we typically only see each other for weekends. Sometimes we go multiple weeks not seeing each other with only 2 or 3 days together before it starts again. Yet we are as close as ever. He loves his job and loves the travel so we make it work!
But if you still just aren’t entirely happy or sold on this job, by all means look for another one as I said before. Just don’t let one co-wrokers experience with travelling be your only perspective of the results of travel on a relationship.
Post # 12
I would lock down another position before leaving the one you have now. I also am with PP that it can work with one of you traveling. I was traveling 2 weeks out of the months and it worked for us but everyone is different. I just worry that with this ecomony you should really have something before making the choice.
Post # 13
I don’t think your co-worker’s experience is foretelling of what may happen to you, but your desire to be home for those things and not travel is very telling that it IS time to find a job that doesn’t require travel.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be home to share moments, important days, etc with yoru husband. I used to travel a lot of work (gone 2-3 days out of the week, about 2 weeks per month. Nothing as major as your travel (not to mention, the safety risks). I actually enjoyed the travel, seeing new places, etc – and then it just GOT OLD. I couldn’t imagine doing that type of travel now.
To answer your question “Are you crazy for walking away from a good job” – I don’t consider your job ‘good’ since it requires you to do something you dislike (it’s pretty extreme, IMO – ie: being away from your home 24/7). It’s one thing to have a task you hate and at the end of the day go home – but it’s another thing to be missing out on life w/ your spouse all together.
If I were in your shoes, I’d take the experience (which at 2.5 is a good chunk of time!) and start looking for your next position that doesn’t require travel!
Post # 14
Thanks for the perspective, everyone. Yesterday I was all ready to quit as soon as I get back from this trip (I was feeling pretty down!), but I’m feeling better now. I will work on lining something else up, and I’ll just enjoy the travel for what it is in the meantime. And you’re all right that I’m not fated to repeat my coworker’s experience…her relationship with her husband is very different from mine!
Post # 15
You do what works for you, and it sounds like this option doesn’t work for you anymore.
However, in this economy you don’t quit a job until you know you have something else.
Post # 16
Wait for something else. Its hard times right now for employment.