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This is going to sound crazy, but here it goes...
The poll listed are the opinions/decisions of the bridal party (and some guests) of an upcoming wedding. The couple are having a dry wedding due to the groom's religion and the bride's generic dislike of alcohol. Members of the wedding party and some guests are split as to whether they are bringing their own alcohol or drinking at the wedding. To head off questions: We all knew that the bride disliked drinking (especially more so when she became engaged to a Muslim) and she can be pretty judgemental when we all hang out together. She makes snides comments about drinking quite often. But we love her anyway and have tolerated it. But she has gone as far as to ban drinking from sun up to sun down on her wedding day. Both sides of the bridal party have cried FOUL. The groom does not mind if people have a cocktail prior to the reception, but the bride thinks that anyone who has to drink must be a drunk and thinks that everyone should hold off drinking for one day.
The couple is having the reception at a hotel, which has a bar. We (the bridal party) are trying to find a balance. The groom let us know that we can do whatever we want, but due to his family and religion he cannot 'provide' the alcohol. The bride has told us we cannot drink at all during her wedding day and will be very upset if we do. Needless to say, we were stunned. Some of the wedding party will do what the bride says, because they do not want to upset her, but the others feel 'policed' by the bride's personal issue about alcohol and have decided to bring their own drinks to their hotel room or hit the hotel bar during the reception.
I have always been of the belief: don't you dare shove your religious beliefs down my throat, but if there is no alcohol at your wedding, then so be it, I'll respect it. But I will do want I want before or after your wedding, my personal time. So I told them I would ask the Bee their opinions. Crazy...I know!
She has been nicknamed the No Alcohol Bridezilla.
I'll share what is said at the Bee with them. I can't offer an opinion to them because I'm a bride-to-be that will be serving alcohol at my wedding, so I am biased. Any No-Booze Brides that can offer some advice?
ETA: I, the poster, will be respecting the bride's reception wishes. Some others of the bridal party will not. Keep in mind that the bride does not want us to drink during our personal private time either and that is what sparked the bridal party's debate (the groomsmen too)
ETA2: The hotel has a restaurant & bar off of the main lobby. The groom has no issue with guests using the bar.
ETA3. To answer a question: Originally the bride wanted everyone in the bridal party to not drink all weekend.
You need to take a step back and look at this situation. I like my drinks too. And I've posted before about the annoyance of dry weddings/cash bars. However, this isn't a cash bar issue - your friend (THE BRIDE) has stated she doesn't want anyone drinking. That's her perogative. It's her wedding. Please respect your friends wishes and hold off on drinking during the wedding. Can't it wait until after the wedding? Maybe you and your friends can have an after-party. But by no means would it be cool to disrespect your friend and her beliefs. You are her guest and should act accordingly.
I would not intentionally bring alcohol to a wedding where the bride or groom said they don't want it there. Even if they are mean about it and make snide remarks. It just seems that the wedding is in celebration of their marriage... so why would you bring alcohol just to make a point? But that's just my opinion. If the groom thinks it is fine for y'all to get alcohol from the hotel bar, then that's fine. But I wouldn't bring your own in spite of the bride. I know it's a hotel, but many venues won't allow you to bring alcohol on your own unless you have paid a bar fee at first. I don't know how this hotel works, so I can't say yay or nay. But I know it's possible that they could get in trouble for people bringing their own--since they are not providing it. Goodluck to whatever you decide, but just keep in mind that it's not about you, it's about the bride and groom.
I guess I'm having trouble seeing why it is so upsetting to not do the drinking thing for the one day. Everyone has a right to their own beliefs, but I just don't see how this is different than anything else the bride and groom requested for their one day.
While I agree that a bride should not be controlling what her bidesmaids do or do not do before or after the wedding...in this case I have to go against you. I'm sorry. It sounds like this means a lot to your friend and it would be very rude to show up and be in her wedding smelling like booze after she has asked you to please not drink at her wedding. I am a drinker and don't necessarily agree with dry bars...BUT if it were me in your shoes, I would respect my friend and take a day off from drinking....or at least wait until her wedding festivities are over.
I don't think anyone is going to die if they don't get to drink for ONE DAY. This is obviously something that is important to the bride. If I were her friend I would do my best to respect her wishes on HER wedding day, despite what I may think of them. It's not like she's asking all of her guests to wear their underwear on the outside of the dresses/suits, or something else crazy.
In short if it was a dry wedding then no I would not drink at it.
If there's no alcohol provided I would not need to drink so bad as to go purchase some from the bar. And especially not if it was a specific request of the bride and not just a $ issue.
This is a very special day for the bride and groom, so I think it's appropriate to defer to their wishes and enjoy their dry reception. This is what they want, and while you don't have to agree with their beliefs about alcohol, you can honor their wishes. I'm guessing you're in the bridal party and have already deferred to many of the bride's requests (dress, shoes, jewelry, possibly even hair and makeup). This is just one more thing you can do to honor her on her wedding day. You can drink as much as you want right after she and her new husband leave.
I think it would be best to respect the wishes of the bride and the religion that her Fiance and his family practice by not drinking during the wedding. I agree with PP that you could always have an "after party" later on with some friends that also enjoy drinking, but I think this should definitely wait until after the wedding reception and events are over. Is having a drink or two really more important than respecting your friend? It has very little to do with them shoving their beliefs down your throat, and more to do with the bride and groom wanting to celebrate their special day a certain way. The compromise would be heading out for a some cocktails once the wedding was over and other guests were departing as well. If you do it that way then you'll respect your friends and also have a good time :)
I don't see how this is someone shoving their religion down your throat? You are invited as a guest of honour and you have the option to decline if you are really that dead-set against a dry reception. I don't see how it is any different from a couple getting married in a church. That is the couple's choice and the way they choose to celebrate THEIR union. It represents them as individuals and as a couple, not you.
If you were a guest I'd say you were being overdramatic. It's even worse since you are a member of the bridal party -- you're coming off as a bad friend. Just follow her wishes, and if you don't want to, decline the invitation. You'll have the opportunity to have the wedding of YOUR choice in the future.
ETA: I see that you have decided to respect the bride's wishes. Good for you. The rest of the BP should be good friends and follow suit.
Can't you guys hold off from drinking for one day? I love alcohol as much as the next person, but I would not drink during this girl's wedding. Have yourself a drink afterwards:)
I probably wouldn't drink at a dry wedding. I've never been to one though and can't imagine anyone I know being that psychotic over a drink or two. Although, if the groom doesn't care and her reasons are personal then I don't know... It's not really her place to control what you ingest all day - maybe just don't drink "at" her wedding, but somewhere else on your own time? And look on the bright side, dry weddings don't usually run very late! Hahaha.
I'd try to be respectful, but that doesn't change the fact that I think she sounds delusional.
I wouldn't bring or drink alcohol during the reception - that just seems disrespectful and unnecessary. After the reception ended, however, I wouldn't think twice about hitting up a bar if I felt like it.
I went to a Muslim wedding a few years ago, where alcohol was not allowed.
I, nor anyone I knew there drank. My husband was with the groom actually at the hotel bar eating (they were not allowed at the reception, it was a female only reception and my husband was there to support the groom, but wasn't actually allowed to be part of any of the wedding activities.) Even though they were at the hotel bar - the brides father (who is Muslim) was there, so out of respect they did not drink either.
There was one lady who sat next to me & confessed that she hopped out of the recpetion to grab a cocktail at the hotel bar - she smelled like booze & it was just really awkward considering nobody else was drinking.
lol, the whole issue is a bit silly I think.
1. You said she isn't religious, rather her groom is, and he's been very open about allowing you to do what you want so how is it a case of anyone "pushing the beliefs or their budget on my personal choices"???
2. I never understood why people would bring their own alcohol anywhere. I mean, unless it's a party and you've been asked to help by bringing something. I don't carry around food or drinks with me, why would alcohol be any different? They are graciously inviting you to their celebration and providing for you, unless you have some crazy dietary restrictions, just be happy and take what they give you!
3. Everybody has certain things that matter to them, and this apparently matters to her. I can't imagine that it's the topic of every conversation unless people are so crazed about it that they can't help but bring it up. Chill out! If she/you can't be friends with someone who has different opinions about alcohol then maybe you should part ways, though it seems like a small issue and a shallow argument.
As a bride who is having a dry wedding (not due to religious conviction but due to past emotional trauma) I would be offended if someone felt that they needed to place more importance on drinking than celebrating with us and preserving my peace of mind. It's one day (for us, it's 6 hours) do you really need to drink in that time to enjoy your time? For the record, I'm not the sort that makes snide comments about drinking. If, and only if, it comes up I'll mention that I don't like being around alcohol and a very brief explanation as to why.
(A house party member has volunteered to be the "bouncer", as a reservist she can be intimidating when she wants to be but I don't expect it to be a problem)
That's the main problem everyone is having. Not drinking at their wedding (although the groom is okay with the hotel bar) is one thing. She has demanded everyone in the bridal party not to partake in alcohol at any time- all day (it originally was the whole weekend). From sun up until the next morning. Most do not think it is fair to be told what to do in their private time.
I believe most are aggravated by this in particular. "How does a bride dictate what adults do during their private time?" seems to be the looming question. A few of the bridesmaids have decided to share a bottle of wine in the privacy of their hotel room. Some of the groomsmens will more than likely be going to the hotel bar at some point in time.
I personally have never heard of a bride doing anything like this, but each person is different I guess.
I don't know, I would just respect the bride's wishes and not drink that day. It wouldn't kill me to not drink!
I mean we all say, the bride gets one day...well, it's her day!
If the bride and groom were vegetarian and having a meat-free reception, would this be an issue with the bridal party? Would people demand to bring their own steaks to grill? Methinks not. It's one day. So she is snotty about drinking sometimes--yea that can be annoying, but really has no bearing on the fact that her wedding (for personal AND religious reasons) will be dry and that it is imperative to respect the couple's wishes in that regard. If you don't like it, don't go.
Like other PPs I also take issue with the attitude that not having alcohol at a Muslim (half-Muslim, whatever) wedding is "shoving religion down people's throats." This is a very intolerant view. Just because someone is following the tenets of their religion at a party THEY are throwing does not mean they're pushing it on anyone.
ETA: She's making people not drink all day, even when they're not with her? Weird. I was just talking about the reception! In that case, I think what adults do on their own time is up to them....
I would probably refrain from drinking during the wedding/reception itself (although the groom has indicated that he doesn't mind people getting drinks from the hotel bar so depending on how entertaining the reception was, I might take him up on the offer).
But the bride's dislike of alcohol would not keep me from drinking all weekend. That request is just crazy. She has no right to dictate what full-grown adults do during their personal time in the evenings and such. I would absolutely go out with my friends!
Its only a day, you wont die without the alcohol. If these are members of the bridal party (people who should love and care for the bride and groom) why would they want to make the bride unhappy? Give them thier day!
By "during her wedding day", I understood that the bride meant at any time during the festivities.
If you and others want to retreat to your hotel room after everything is said and done, without rubbing it in the bride's face, then I don't see what's to stop you. As long as you don't show up drunk to her wedding, sneak anything in to the ceremony or reception, and abide by her wishes while in her company or at her event, then I think you'll be okay.
I'm a little confused...is this a dry wedding, or a wedding with a cash bar? If it were a dry wedding, then I would not drink. If it were a cash bar wedding, then I would probably purchase a drink or two.
My first wedding was a dry wedding and people LEFT. it SUCKED. It was dry because of the stupid county law or some junk. Needless to say that marriage was doomed.
Since you said your main issue is being forbidden to drink before or after the wedding, I'll address that.
Our officiant (a non-denominational officiant performing a secular ceremony) had very few rules. One of them was - "I do not officiate at weddings where the couple and bridal party have been drinking before the ceremony." The idea is that the ceremony is a sacred moment, and all the participants (which include the bridal party) should be 100% mentally alert and present without their senses influenced by alcohol. So I asked the BM and GM not to drink before our wedding. I think you should respect your friends by showing up to the ceremony completely sober if this is important for them.
As for drinking after the wedding...well, if you're planning to hang out with the bride, clearly alcohol upsets her, so although she doesn't have the right to control you, it would be nice to give her one night where she doesn't have to stress about people drinking (as she often seems to do when you hang out). If you're not planning to hang out with the bride, then this seems to be a moot point.
If she believes that people who drink are likely to cause issues at her wedding I can vaguely understand her not wanting you to drink before the wedding or when you're around the wedding.
Honestly, "celebrating" her wedding with alcohol when she's so against it seems kinda silly. Yea, she's being a tad bit bridezilla and immature, but I don't think the best way to respond to that would be getting drunk as soon as you can escape the reception.....
This is her wedding, she doesnt want alcohol at her wedding. She is marrying a muslim who doesnt drink alcohol for religious reasons and you guys cant support her? More and more it stuns me when people act as if they cannot have fun without alcohol. The fact that she has even been names No Alcohol bridezilla is really disgusting. I would have thought that her bridal party could atleast be supportive and understanding.
The bride actually sounds quite manipulative and judgy if she's referring to people as 'drunks' who want to enjoy a drink or two on their saturday night out. I wouldn't grab a bottle of wine and bring it to the reception if the hosts are really against alcohol being present, but I would absolutely have a cocktail possibly before the cermeony, during and after the reception (depending on the schedule) with friends at the hotel bar. I would probably be more careful than usual not to get drunk out of respect for the couple, but I wouldn't hold back from having a few drinks.
I'd be irritated by the fact that the bride cares so much when the groom is cool with it. But it's their wedding, so ultimately I wouldn't drink. I'd grumble about the controlling aspect of it, but I'd still just abstain that day.
If I was friends with someone who had a dry wedding I would never bring alcohol, it's just not right. As far as all weekend, I'd tell the bride to bite me. But, I would never be friends with someone like your friend (not because she doesn't drink, the judgement thing)
Would I drink at a dry wedding? No. If I wanted to have a few glasses of champagne before or after the wedding, that's none of the bride's business though. I would definitely not show up intoxicated but it would really make me mad that she was passing her personal beliefs onto me, being judgement of social drinking, etc.
Note: Her attitude would make me want to drink more than anything, she sounds a bit judgment which I think may make people want to drink just to show her that they can't control them
I have this weird feeling about all of these topics. I feel like people "bride and groom" in many cases don’t realize yes, it is YOUR wedding blah blah, and things should be, for the most part- how you would like them, But on the other hand when you have a reception you are really hosting a party for other people. I totally understand religious ceremony’s- I just don’t get the reception part... as people said above, if you guests are not comfortable and not having a good time they are going to leave.
That being said, I would not want to upset a bride on her wedding day. Other than that you can totally have a drink at any point besides the few hours you’re at the actual function.
If the bride said she would be upset if I did it, I would not do it.
Would I drink? no
Would I be a happy guest? no
I recently went to a wedding with only wine and beer, many guests brought their own bottles of liquor into the venue and it was totally fine. The bride didn't mind and we all enjoyed it.
I can see not sneaking off to the bar or bring alcohol to the wedding because really the only reason to bring your own alcohol to ANY event is due to ridiculous prices (like concerts or events where it's served but overpriced). Plus that's their event that they're hosting so if they don't want people drinking, I would respect that.
However she shouldn't tell you what to do on the wedding night - she'll be with her new husband - why does she care what you do? Personally I can agree that you should be able to go out to the bar that night after the wedding is over. It's not like the bridal party has any responsibilities that night. If there's some sort of breakfast the next morning I can understand her not wanting people hung-over or over-sleeping but that doesn't mean you can't have a few drinks on your own time.
@MsJeep23: Like other PPs I also take issue with the attitude that not having alcohol at a Muslim (half-Muslim, whatever) wedding is "shoving religion down people's throats." This is a very intolerant view. Just because someone is following the tenets of their religion at a party THEY are throwing does not mean they're pushing it on anyone.
My apologies if it sounds that way. I am not an intolerant person. It does not only refer to religion, but also to opinions and attitudes that people try to enforce on grown adults. I have no issue with respecting the bride's decision nor the groom's religion as does some of the rest of the bridal party. But the issue is not a religious one. I thought I made this clear above. I do however have little tolerance for someone passing judgement on me if I like to have a glass of wine with dinner or a mimosa at brunch outside of the wedding.
ETA: She's making people not drink all day, even when they're not with her? Weird. I was just talking about the reception! In that case, I think what adults do on their own time is up to them....
Yes. This has been the main issue. The bride has gone so far as to jokingly comment about she can't shame people into not drinking socially, than she'll prevent it at the wedding. Even though she said it in humor, we knew...
There have been no issue alcohol abuse issues in her family. But she is proudly very controlling and opinionated. Her way or the highway. We all went to college together. We would never say no to being in her wedding, but we will say no to her telling us what to do.
I hope this explains it better.
I would not drink before or during the reception, but would have no problem drinking after the reception when not in her company. How would she even know?
OP, you mentioned something about her not wanting anyone drinking the "whole weekend." Are there other activities that are going on in the days before or after the wedding/reception? In that case, I wouldn't drink at any of those events either, or in her company for the weekend, but would have no problem drinking on my own time, when she's off doing something else.
Sounds silly, but is she worried about hangovers or something?
Either way, for me, it'd be no drinking around her and I'll drink if I want when I'm not around her.
Also, if someone made this request of me, I'd have no problem blowing her off and rolling my eyes. I would not drink at her wedding or in her presence (like I said above), but that's as far as she would be allowed to push it.
I don't think I would get upset or make a huge deal about it. She is the way she is, and you love her anyway. I'd let her think I was doing what she asked and then go about my own business on my own time.
As someone who had a dry wedding, both my DH and I were HIGHLY offended and hurt that a member of our bridal party chose to bring alcohol to our wedding and got clearly tipsy at our reception. For us, it was out of respect for our family and the church where we had our reception. Personally, DH and I very much enjoy alcohol, but we chose to respect our family and I was extremely upset that our friend couldn't respect us just for 1 day.
With that said, I also would tell the bride about what's going on. It's totally inappropriate, IMO, for grown adults to act like this. I mean, I totally get that it's a bummer, but it's 1 day... I would tell your friends to deal with it and go out for drinks afterwards. If she 'banned' it till sundown, the reception will definitely be over after the technical sundown, right? ;-)
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