- 4 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
So, I’ve got a friend who went through a period of time where she was pretty promiscuous. Not judging her, she can do as she pleases. She was fairly safe as well. On the pill, had regular checks for STDs, etc. Considering her habits, she was being responsible about it. Anyways, between one A-OK screening and the next, she was intimate with 2 friends of mine who happen to also be brothers. That next test showed she had HPV. She confided this in me and was trying to figure out all the people she’d been with in that time to see who gave it to her or who she could have given it to. She decided that since it doesn’t really affect guys and they can’t be tested for it, she didn’t feel the need to disclose it to the brothers. Brother #1 doesn’t know she was with #2 also (took his virginity), and she didn’t want to create an awkward situation. On top of that, she and Brother #1 actually dated and had a bad breakup, so she didn’t want to talk to him at all.
I tried convincing her that she needed to let them know, but she was persistent and I didn’t feel it was my place to get involved. Meanwhile, she finds out that guys CAN be tested for HPV as her latest boytoy had tested negative for it. So, she was still debating on whether to tell them, especially now that they can be tested for it. She was going to tell them at a wedding we were all going to be at, or so she said. Before this could happen, though, we had a massive falling out. The details are irrelevant, but she is no longer a member of our friend group. We do not wish to associate with her. This includes not inviting her to the wedding she was going to tell the brothers at.
So, as far as I know, she still hasn’t told my two friends that they may have HPV. For the sake of their health, I want to make sure they’re aware, but I’m still wary about getting involved as it’s really between them. I’m only “involved” because she told me about it. If they do already know (which I really doubt), I don’t want to make it awkward by bringing it up and making it known that I know (not just about the HPV, but also that she was with Brother #2. Not even he knows that I was told about it). If they don’t know yet, I worry there’ll be a “don’t shoot the messenger” type thing because I didn’t say anything when I found out originally.
So, I don’t know what to do. Please don’t judge me for not acting sooner. Hindsight is 20/20. Knowing what I do now, I would have pushed harder for her to tell them or told them myself from the start and deal with her unhappiness at butting in. She wasn’t worth keeping the secret for, but at the time, I thought it was best to let her work it out between them. Now, seeing how reluctant she was to tell them even after knowing there’s a test for it, I’m doubtful she ever told them and I don’t want the guys to continue dating or being intimate with others while they may have it.
What would you do?
ETA: Talking to her about it is, for the moment, out of the question. I have not yet forgiven her and she’s been bitter for a long time. It would not be a civilized conversation and would quickly escalate into an argument. I know that I need to let it go, but right now, it’s still too raw and I have been unable to do so.