Post # 1
So along the lines of the last thread about cheating… would you tell you SO if you cheated on him?
Me and the DH actually promised each other that we would have the decency to tell each other if we cheated. I know it’s hard and it will break the SO’s heart, but for us we felt it was important to let the other one know if it happened. I could never keep that a secret.
Note- We both have never cheated on each other or on any of our past relationships with other partners, we just felt it was important enough to let the other one know. We both feel like “We need to man up… or women up.”
Post # 3
We would tell each other.
Post # 5
Yes. We have a rule that honesty is the best policy. If my SO cheated on me the only way, and I mean ONLY way, for him to try to make things better would be to come clean. Honesty is one of the single most important components of a relationship and if that gets betrayed as well then you can forget things going smoothly in the future. Because I expect that from my SO I would do the same for him. If you’re cheating than obviously some serious discussions need to take place to figure out the cause and lying will only make things worse.
Post # 6
I am shocked at all the no’s.
Post # 7
I really don’t know. Also are we talking sex only here? If I got drunk at my bachelorette and kissed some random I would NOT tell him (I don’t plan on this happening haha).
Post # 8
Yes. I will admit on here that I kissed another dude when FI and I were still dating. I felt so guilty and told him about it a week later. At that point I was unhappy in our relationship and honestly didn’t think that it was going to last so I didn’t see the harm in macking it with some dude.
We talked it through and I’m glad that I came clean. If I hadn’t we probably would have just let the relationship fizzle instead of talking about the serious issues we were having.
Even after all that, he stuck through it with me. I can only hope that if he did something stupid like I did he would have to guts to come clean.
Post # 9
I said maybe. It really depends on the situation. I would say in the large majority of cases, I would say yes, I would tell him. Certainly if I had sex with someone else, or an ongoing relationhip, I would tell him about it. BUT… if there was a situation where I had a drunken kiss that meant nothing or something similar I probably would not tell him. The reason I wouldn’t tell him is because telling him would only make ME feel better and him feel worse. Cheating is a BIG deal and I would never condone it in any relationship. But if one of us did something like that the other one is not going to end the marriage over it… so why cause the pain and hurt?
Post # 10
Yes. My FI would deserve to know the truth, and I’d hope he respect me that much as well.
Post # 11
I definitely would. We weren’t exclusive at first and definitely told each other what was going on with other people.
For one thing, I believe that honesty and fairness is more important than traditional definitions of fidelity (I would be totally ok in an open relationship, but because he wouldn’t, we’re not). For another, I am a massive oversharer.
Post # 12
@Moose1209: and @LGenz: Funny, cuz for me it was a drunken stupid kiss and yet I still told my FI. I think you’ll be surprised at how guilty you will feel if you find yourself in that situation. If it was the other way around I would want to know if my FI kissed another girl without me knowing and so, I felt that coming clean was the right thing to do.
Post # 13
I voted maybe…i’ve never been in that situation. I think if it were a drunken kiss at a bar that was like done on a dare or something really stupid like that, I wouldn’t. But if I was in love with someone else or did something more serious (slept with someone) I think I would. Of course, that would then be the end of our relationship–DH has made it very clear that cheating is a dealbreaker, period the end.
Post # 14
We have discussed it and while we both consider it pretty much a deal breaker, we both agree that we owe it to one another to at least be honest about things like that.
Post # 15
FI and I would most def tell each other.
Post # 16
If he cheated on me, I would want to know so he deserves the same respect. It would definitely be hard. Keeping it a secret and never talking about it would be much easier for all parties involved but it wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I can say that I’ll never cheat (and I don’t think that I ever would) but we have no way of knowing what the future will bring. FI and I have always said that if either of us felt the need to cheat on the other, we would end our relationship/marriage before doing so. IMO, the only reason one would cheat on their SO is if they are truly unhappy in their relationship.