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I would definitely let him go without me, he's never given me the smallest reason to distrust him. I am giggling thinking of my fiance in a dance club, it's not his thing!
I have no problem letting my FI go out by himself, although it would be with his friends in his case. I don't think he would want to go out to a bar just by himself. But, we're not into clubs either...the last time I was out dancing was in Vegas with my sister over a year ago!
We go out all the time without each other! But we set up our personal comfort limits regarding this when we first started dating. I know when he's out that he's out with his friends (who will always have his back if he gets out of hand with the drinking) and that he's there to have a good time with his friends. He knows the same with me.
If he wanted to, sure. No big deal. Mine's not a club kinda guy, but he does go out with his friends all the time! Granted, we live 12 hours apart from each other, so "going out" without the other is totally expected and is necessary in order for our relationship to work. IMO, if i didn't trust him, I wouldn't let him go or I'd insist I come, too (well i wouldn't be married to him but you see my point) because it's one thing to spend ALL your time out without your SO, it's another thing to go occassionally. My guy does go to a sports bar all by himself, has a few beers, some wings, and watches the game.
I'm actually going to a club/bar Friday night for a friend's bachelorette party. Sans the husband, obviously. He simply doesn't care--he knows I don't like to be touched by random dudes or grinded on by strangers. He is 110% OK with it. I don't think you're crazy at all. If he has a favorite hang out and enjoys a few (alone) beers once in a while, who cares? I enjoy people watching, too, and if I felt like I could go out without it being an invite to be picked up on by creepers, I would =]. People crack me up =]
I wonder why people think its weird that your FI goes to clubs without you??!! Wow!
My FI goes out all the time w/o me, and I go out all the time w/o him. We go to clubs, bars, resturants, whatever with our friends and its so not a big deal! I think that having that seperation & hanging out with just our friends is really healthy and needed to keep a good balance in a relationship.
of course. He goes out with just his friends, but we all need alone time. I go and people watch in Little Italy, your SO goes to clubs. No biggie
of course. I would have a hard time telling my FH NOT to go somewhere. he's an adult and knows how to make his own (good) decisions. I would never forbid him from doing anything. He needs to be responsible for his own choices and if he goes out and makes bad choices he would have to deal with the consequences. (but i know he would never give me reason to worry).
I would absolutely let Mr. Q. go out without me! I trust him 100%. That said, I have been on the other side of this. My Xhusband was a stay home kinda guy when we met... he changed a bunch after his mom died and I encouraged him to hang out with his buddies and blow off steam - it was way better than him coming home and yelling at me! Well once a month became once a week and that became 5 nights a weeks. You'll notice I said X Husband...
I do know couples that have an iron clad agreement not to go out without each other - and I respect that, but I do feel that sometimes those kind of agreements are made because trust is lacking. that's sad to me.
It's a respect thing. You and mr. Junebride have to agree, after that - it's between you two and NO ONE else. Do I think it's a bad choice? Nope. Even after all I went through, I'd rather live my life trusting people.
My FI goes out with his buddy's to the bars all the time without me and I go out with my girls without him!
We want different things when we go out - he wants to go out sit drinking beer talking sports while I want to go bust a move on the dance floor!
I actually think it's weird that people think it's weird that you "let him" he is not your child and I respect you for not treating him like one!
hmmmm...."let" is such an interesting way to phrase it. my honey is an adult! i dont "let" him do anything. when he wants to go out, he goes out. no biggie. we would drive each other crazy if we only socialized with each other. he has a guy night at least once a week. sometimes they have dinner and drinks, sometimes they go to a club, sometimes they watch football. i think its healthy and normal. now if by club, you mean stripclub, then thats a whole different story! LOL!!!
wow so many responses so fast! :)
glad to know (and obviously it's a GREAT thing being a WEDDING board that we all trust him/her lol) but glad to know I'm not the only one who has no issues with this.
now when I say 'alone' i mean - totally by himself - not even his buddies...but he also goes fishing a lot alone (sometimes I'll tag along, when he asks me to...) but we def. have our own space and sometimes do our own thing...
now me - i'm not one to do TOO much by myself (unless it's a movie i wanna see and know he doesn't - or it's clothes shopping...) normally though I'd rather have him with me but that's just me...course I have to admit - when he does do things on his own, it's nice to have the house and the TV alllll to myself! hehee
but yeah - some people think it's weird that i trust him to go to a dance club totally by himself (again, no buddies)...but eh I'm very weird on many levels! lol. :D
Yeah, I guess I would be fine with him going out completely alone....I just can't see him ever wanting to haha.
We both do a lot of things completely by ourselves (me - shopping, running, gym, volunteering. him - golfing, running, basketball)
It's perfectly fine with me - it's only strange to me when women WON'T let their guys out without them.
FI and I are long distance so he goes out without me all the time, and I go out without him. When we are together after the wedding, we have talked about having "our own" nights once a week or so. This wouldn't be going out only, but things like going shopping or sightseeing (me) or going to football and basketball games (him). Still, I will say for the most part, I expect us to do things like going to restaurants and bars together, especially for the first months of marriage - but being long distance makes you crave time together!
While I, too, take issue with the word "let" - I don't think its healthy to have a relationship where you have to receive permission - I do find it a little strange that your FI goes to clubs completely alone. For me, if FI suggested that, I'd be like - "Wha?" Just seems like a strange thing to do, but to each his or her own :) I think the important thing is if you two are communicating and you both feel okay with each other's choices. Who cares what others think?
i always trust my hubby although there is a rule that he doesnt have female friends (aquaintances yes but not good friends)... because sadly i have a somewhat low opinon on woman at times
but... hubby is a scuba instructor so pretty much every week he is surrounded by hot chickie babes in bikinis and he even goes on group trips to the tropics with both men and woman and i have no trust issues with him. heck, i even dropped him off for a business award night once and when i picked him up he had a stripper with him who lived in the next suburb so we gave her a lift so i have no trust issues with hubby
Hmm this is kind of weird to me ... "let him" ... he does what he wants and I do what I want. Obviously we're getting married so we trust each other to be completely loyal in every way ... but yeah - he goes everywhere he wants.
He's a businessman with lots of fundraisers and meetings ... it would be idiotic if I told him to not go to a guy thing with all men ... unless he took me. Trust me ... you do not want to go. =)
DH would actually never want to go to a club, but if he DID then of course I would let him go. He goes to Vegas for bachelor parties without me and I trust him 100% so I wouldnt have a problem if he went to a club without me. Why he would want to in the first place I have no idea :)
Honestly, I've never met a guy that went to clubs with any other purpose other than to pick up ladies. I'm not saying that's what your guy is doing, but honestly there's less meat-markety places to go to people watch and grab a beer.
My FI goes out to bars sometimes without me, but not often. Usually he doesn't like to go out without me :)
I don't know about CLUB clubs, where it's mainly people getting loaded and grinding on each other, but sure, I could care less if my FI wants to go out to a bar for beers with the guys. I go out with co-workers for drinks sometimes, and he completely trusts me, so I completely trust him.
We always go everywhere together, it's not the same if we go out alone. But the important thing is, that we trust each other 100% :)
I think people are probably mystified that he wants to go to a club alone--that is, not that he is without you but that he is not with anyone---just because clubbing is usually a social activity. That said, if someone is going to cheat, they don't need to go to a club to do it. You either trust someone or you don't, and you clearly trust him, and that's all you need. I would trust my husband to go to a club by himself (he wouldn't want to go to a club, but if he did, I'd let him).
There's nothing wrong w/ him going out alone... we all need our along time, regardless of how we spend it.
We don't really have an issue with this, if he or I wants to go out w/ friends, we just tell each other. Sometimes we come along if we feel like it, and other times, we don't. I definitely think that the couples may have issues with this if the relationship lacks trust... I've been in one of those before and it wasn't fun at all!
Absolutly. No problem at all! I go out without him and behave myself! :)
He travels on the weekends in the fall to other cities for the night and goes out with the guys and I have no concerns. I am out with my girls when he is gone too :)
hmm. No, I wouldn't be happy if my hubby wanted to go to a club alone. Out drinking with friends or something fine, but I also know hubby and if he wanted to go to a club, I would know there is something amiss because it's just not the type of place he enjoys. Thats not the type of thing his friends do when they hang out (playhand ball, pool, eat sushi, etc. way different). I trust him with the activities he does like to do with his friends, but if it were to ever come up, I wouldn't since it's so unusual.
In my case its just the opposite...I go to clubs once and awhile with best friend , while the Mr stays home , i like to dance,dress up and watch people too ..He doesn't like to dance and he knows he can trust me ..I go with my best friend ,we joke around ,and when guys ask me to dance , i don't , I give them " The Look" ..My best friend Laughs ..and later i tell my honey and he laughs too ..LOL.. ..its all good ..Its all about Trust :)
My partner goes out with the boys without me alot. I think that's normal and healthy. However, I agree with Chelsea, clubbing is usually a social thing, and I think it might be weird if anyone went to the clubs alone.
I knew a girl who did that once in a while, and I found out later that she was going to score or sell drugs :(
I wouldn't want my FH to go to a club alone, only because I would want to be there with a video camera. I have seen him dance and would love to get others' reactions to his white-man dance in public. That being said, he goes out all the time without me (a few times a month and I am usually invited, but decline to go.) I had an ex-boyfriend who cheated on me with a girl from work during lunch - a guy is either a cad or he's not.
And he has very close female friends as well (his ex-girlfriend from highschool is one of my bridesmaids.) I have close friends who are men. If I felt like I had to be his watchdog all of the time, I certainly wouldn't be marrying him
i don't "let" my fiance do anything/forbid him...
fortunately our friends run in the same circles so it's never been an issue of "guys night" or "girls night." but i do think clubs are more dangerous to relationships than strippers are. luckily my fiance thinks dance clubs are trashy (and so do i), we are more fine dining/lounge people.
Neither of us have ever really been into clubs or bars, but yes I think I would be fine if he wanted to just go out by himself or with the boys somewhere. He's gone to sporting events, etc 'with the guys' and has done fine. I trust that he knows that regardless of whether or not we have stood before God and our friends/family to be married yet, it's still infidelity to do anything with anybody (and he wouldn't dare, he is faithful). So yeah, I mean I think that people give weird looks for a variety of reasons (I know people who give weird looks over girls who thinks it's ok for their FI to go to a strip club with the guys for his bachelor party - doesn't bother me, but some people get their feathers ruffled over it?). :) Nobody else's business anyways!
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Ok. Now I have always trusted mr. junebride - and some people think I'm crazy for this...but I let him go out to clubs (literally once in a blue moon) by himself.
we actually met at a dance club here in Indy - and I can count a handful of times that he has wanted to go out by himself. He is just a people watcher and likes to go out, have a beer or two, people watch and come home.
There's absolutely no question in my mind that that is all he's doing. But of course I get some weird reactions when people find out I've let him do this before. But I just do. I have no issues or qualms about it at all.
Now, of course, this is what he used to do before we met (course, it was more a weekly thing instead of once every 6 months)...but I'm just very curious - would you DO you let your significant other go out to clubs without you?