(Closed) would you trust your FI/DH to go out without you?…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would definitely let him go without me, he’s never given me the smallest reason to distrust him.  I am giggling thinking of my fiance in a dance club, it’s not his thing!

Post # 4
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I have no problem letting my FI go out by himself, although it would be with his friends in his case.  I don’t think he would want to go out to a bar just by himself.  But, we’re not into clubs either…the last time I was out dancing was in Vegas with my sister over a year ago!

 

Post # 5
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We go out all the time without each other! But we set up our personal comfort limits regarding this when we first started dating. I know when he’s out that he’s out with his friends (who will always have his back if he gets out of hand with the drinking) and that he’s there to have a good time with his friends. He knows the same with me.

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If he wanted to, sure. No big deal. Mine’s not a club kinda guy, but he does go out with his friends all the time! Granted, we live 12 hours apart from each other, so “going out” without the other is totally expected and is necessary in order for our relationship to work. IMO, if i didn’t trust him, I wouldn’t let him go or I’d insist I come, too (well i wouldn’t be married to him but you see my point) because it’s one thing to spend ALL your time out without your SO, it’s another thing to go occassionally. My guy does go to a sports bar all by himself, has a few beers, some wings, and watches the game.

I’m actually going to a club/bar Friday night for a friend’s bachelorette party. Sans the husband, obviously. He simply doesn’t care–he knows I don’t like to be touched by random dudes or grinded on by strangers. He is 110% OK with it. I don’t think you’re crazy at all. If he has a favorite hang out and enjoys a few (alone) beers once in a while, who cares? I enjoy people watching, too, and if I felt like I could go out without it being an invite to be picked up on by creepers, I would =]. People crack me up =]

Post # 7
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I wonder why people think its weird that your FI goes to clubs without you??!! Wow!

My FI goes out all the time w/o me, and I go out all the time w/o him. We go to clubs, bars, resturants, whatever with our friends and its so not a big deal! I think that having that seperation & hanging out with just our friends is really healthy and needed to keep a good balance in a relationship.

Post # 8
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

of course.  He goes out with just his friends, but we all need alone time.  I go and people watch in Little Italy, your SO goes to clubs.  No biggie

Post # 9
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

of course.  I would have a hard time telling my FH NOT to go somewhere.  he’s an adult and knows how to make his own (good) decisions.  I would never forbid him from doing anything.  He needs to be responsible for his own choices and if he goes out and makes bad choices he would have to deal with the consequences. (but i know he would never give me reason to worry).

Post # 10
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee

I would absolutely let Mr. Q. go out without me!  I trust him 100%.  That said, I have been on the other side of this.  My Xhusband was a stay home kinda guy when we met…  he changed a bunch after his mom died and I encouraged him to hang out with his buddies and blow off steam – it was way better than him coming home and yelling at me!  Well once a month became once a week and that became 5 nights a weeks.  You’ll notice I said X Husband… 

I do know couples that have an iron clad agreement not to go out without each other – and I respect that, but I do feel that sometimes those kind of agreements are made because trust is lacking.  that’s sad to me.

It’s a respect thing.  You and mr. Junebride have to agree, after that – it’s between you two and NO ONE else.  Do I think it’s a bad choice?  Nope.  Even after all I went through, I’d rather live my life trusting people. 

 

Post # 11
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

My FI goes out with his buddy’s to the bars all the time without me and I go out with my girls without him!

We want different things when we go out – he wants to go out sit drinking beer talking sports while I want to go bust a move on the dance floor!

I actually think it’s weird that people think it’s weird that you “let him” he is not your child and I respect you for not treating him like one!

Post # 12
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

hmmmm….”let” is such an interesting way to phrase it. my honey is an adult! i dont “let” him do anything. when he wants to go out, he goes out. no biggie. we would drive each other crazy if we only socialized with each other. he has a guy night at least once a week. sometimes they have dinner and drinks, sometimes they go to a club, sometimes they watch football.  i think its healthy and normal.  now if by club, you mean stripclub, then thats a whole different story!  LOL!!!

Post # 14
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, I guess I would be fine with him going out completely alone….I just can’t see him ever wanting to haha. 

We both do a lot of things completely by ourselves (me – shopping, running, gym, volunteering. him – golfing, running, basketball) 

Post # 15
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

It’s perfectly fine with me – it’s only strange to me when women WON’T let their guys out without them.

Post # 16
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

FI and I are long distance so he goes out without me all the time, and I go out without him. When we are together after the wedding, we have talked about having “our own” nights once a week or so. This wouldn’t be going out only, but things like going shopping or sightseeing (me) or going to football and basketball games (him). Still, I will say for the most part, I expect us to do things like going to restaurants and bars together, especially for the first months of marriage – but being long distance makes you crave time together!

While I, too, take issue with the word “let” – I don’t think its healthy to have a relationship where you have to receive permission – I do find it a little strange that your FI goes to clubs completely alone. For me, if FI suggested that, I’d be like – “Wha?” Just seems like a strange thing to do, but to each his or her own 🙂 I think the important thing is if you two are communicating and you both feel okay with each other’s choices. Who cares what others think?

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