Post # 1
I got a call last night from my ex-FI’s brother; one of those calls I always thought I would get someday.
My ex races motorcross bikes for a hobby. When we were together, it always scared me to death. He had a race Saturday and his brother (who is his manager) said the course was really wet and sloppy. Ex wiped out and it didn’t look like a bad wipe out at the time.
The next day, ex complained of a terrible headache and thank god he had enough sense to go to the ER to get checked out (he usually goes to urgent care but it was closed). It turns out he was bleeding in his brain. He had to have emergency surgery to stop the bleeding and is now in intensive care on a ventilator. There is a lot of swelling in his brain, which is normal from my understanding, and his blood pressure is much higher than the doctors would like to be. In other words, he is very, very sick.
Ex’s brother called me and told me about this and said he would like me to go see him, even though he won’t even know I’m there. His brother doesn’t think he’s going to make it through. His brother talked to my DH (who is a physician assistant) who was able to decipher the medical terms that the doctors have told them.
I asked my husband if it would bother him if I visited my ex. My DH is very encouraging and said I should see him. The ex and I did not end on good terms but because we still have mutual friends we had been trying to have a peaceful co-existance. The fact that DH is encouraging me to go means, to me, that he even thinks things aren’t good.
A bunch of my friends are going tonight so I wouldn’t be there by myself. DH said he should not go.
What would you do?
Post # 2
SnowInApril: In this case, if you are comfortable going, i think i would.
There are a few ex’s that though ended badly, i would go see.
There is one i would not. So you need to decide if this is something you want. God Forbid something happened, would you regret not going? I think it is really nice of your DH to leave the decision up to you.
Post # 3
SnowInApril: I think I would go – especially if you have your DH encouraging you to do so.
Post # 4
- Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.
Depends on how our relationship is now (Are we still friends? Do we talk?) and if it made FH uncomfortable or not.
Post # 5
SnowInApril: I would go. Everyone seems supportive, and if he doesn’t make it, you won’t want to regret that you didn’t get to say goodbye. So sorry.
Post # 6
If it’s with a group of people and your DH is okay with it, sure I’d go.
Post # 7
SnowInApril: Wow, that is a terrible story I’m so sorry.
It depends on your relationship with said ex, and I’m guessing if his brother called to tell you it isn’t tumultuous. I know my ex’s family wouldn’t even think to contact me in a situation like this, b/c it ended very, very badly.
As long as you’re not going alone, I would definitely go.
Post # 8
I would go. I think I would regret it in the future if I didn’t.
Post # 9
My ex-husband cheated on me ending our marraige. But if he were dying I would go and say goodbye. Especially if his family asked for it. I think you should go.
Post # 10
In this situation, I’d probably go. Especially since it’s with a group and your husband is being supportive. Feelings and relationships don’t just die because people break up. It’s likely it would be rough on you (and all your friends0 if he passes and I think this could give some closure. Or it may make you feel good about being a supportive friend (to him and your other friends) if he gets better.
Post # 11
I agree. I would go so I would not ever regret not going.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
SnowInApril: Nope. He’s an ex and what good will it do for you to see him like that? It’s not going to make him better and even if he does recover it doesn’t mean you’re getting back together. Personally I don’t even understand why his brother would call you and ask you to visit him at the hospital. It’s weird.
But if you want to go for your own personal reasons (whatever those might be) then by all means go.
Post # 13
beachbride1216: +1. I guess I am in the minority that I would not go see this person. I would certainly send my condolences should something take a turn for the worst. However, if you no longer have any feelings for one another, I’m not sure how it benefits anyone by your being there. Then again, I realize every relationship/circumstance is different. So, I would do whatever feels right and appropriate to you, OP.
Post # 14
SnowInApril: it’s great that your husband supports you, but all i heard was what he would do. It really doesn’t matter what we would do. If you feel like you might regret later on if you didn’t go, do it. If you feel like you don’t want to, don’t.
If youre torn, I’d go. After all there’s not much to be lost in going, but you might regret not having gone when it’s too late. And you won’t be alone so that’s a great opportunity.
Post # 15
SnowInApril: For a routine hospital visit, I wouldn’t go. But I would go if his condition is as bad as it sounds, especially since his family is asking. Even though things didn’t work out, you loved one another once, and you may regret it if the worst happens and you don’t have a chance to say goodbye.