Post # 1
Regular bee going anon because I’m sure this will be unpopular.
Edit: I am hurt and angry and said some things about Christians that were not nice. I wouldn’t want to see a rant about gay people on this board so I shouldn’t rant about religious people either. Removed, and my apologies to anyone whose feelings I hurt.
Summary: I generally choose not to work with religious vendors because I am afraid of being judged/them acting uncomfortable around us since we’re a same sex couple, and non-religious to boot. My photographer recently started posting a bunch of religious stuff on his facebook which surprised me because I didn’t think he was religious. Then I started thinking about how it was because of people “like him” that our marriage won’t be legal. Obviously I am very hurt and angry about this topic. There is nothing I can do about it at this point because our full sum is paid, and in addition it wouldn’t really be fair for me to drop someone just because they’re religious. However I am now uncomfortable and know I will be thinking about this on my wedding day and I am resentful of the fact that I have to deal with this.
Post # 3
Well, I guess I can’t relate 100% because I am Christian (and no, I’m not offended that you think I’m delusional because you’re totally entitled to your opinion and thats fine). But, I will say that most religious people still make me uncomfortable. I choose to believe in a way that makes sense to me… aka by following the example led by Jesus which is to not judge people (not even silently) and love everyone. I don’t believe that God hates gay people (if he hated them, why did he create them?), I don’t believe that God intended for women to be trapped against their will in their own body for 9 months in the case of unexpected pregnancy, etc. And more importantly, I think my religious beliefs shouldn’t really extend beyond myself. Meaning I don’t care what other people do/think/are because I”m not offended if someone doesn’t believe as I do. Everyone has to do what is right for them and they are just as likely right about God as I am– it’s all kind of a crap shoot.
I guess the point of this is to say– not all Christians are the same. We aren’t all conservative and close-minded. And we don’t all think that Athiests are going to hell. I personally know more Christians who feel this way, than I do who feel the way you describe (although admittedly, I choose to associate with open-minded people so there is selection bias happening here). So I don’t think you necessarily need to worry that your photographer is judging you. Is he aware that you’re a same sex couple? I feel that if that bothered him, he probably wouldn’t have taken the booking. And as for doing his best work– photographers live and die by their work. Meaning he wouldn’t half-ass it and give you mediocre or bad photos because that is a reflection of HIM not of you. If you’re concerned though, I think it would be completely fair to talk to him about it. Just say you weren’t aware that he was so religious and you are concerned that he might not feel comfortable at your wedding. See what he says. And I don’t think it is impolite to ask if you do it nicely– this is obviously a controversial topic right now so it is a fair question. My bet is that it doesn’t bother him in the least and there is really no problem.
As for dropping him just because he is religious— well— thats tougher. It seems a little unfair to him to drop him just because of his religous beliefs if they don’t affect you in any way. And really, at this point you would probably lose your deposit (or more). It is obviously up to you– but dropping him doesn’t really seem like a viable option.
Post # 4
I have many friends in the gay community who have used “Christian vendors” with no problem. LOL I wonder if my one friend used the same photog because she held her reception in N.Va and I remember having this same conversation wit her. What she did was she asked the photog if he has every shot a same sex couple as she didn’t want him awkwardly referring to her SO as the groom. He said he had and did a wonderful job. I hope it all works out for you. 🙂
Post # 5
I wouldn’t not use a vendor because they were religious but I would not use a vendor if they were really in your face about it. It wouldn’t be a principle thing, it would be a personality thing–I don’t get along with anyone who pushes an agenda. I’m atheist and would never dream of telling anyone what to believe or not to believe and I don’t like people who don’t show me the same respect. I’m super super liberal and I have conservative friends–we get along because neither one of us is interested in converting the other.
If my photog was posting ranting, super off the wall and intolerant stuff on their business’s facebook page then I would definitely reconsider. But something like “I’m so blessed” or whatever, meh. I’d probably not book them initially because of a potential personality clash but I wouldn’t break a contract over it unless it started becoming something unpleasant for me.
Not all religious people are intolerant, closeminded evil people. You hear the loud ones, but the quiet, normal people definitely outnumber the baddies. Lots of christian people think that homosexuals should have the same rights as heterosexuals.
Post # 6
I sympathise with what your saying, as an atheist & strong supporter of gay rights/marriage, however you’re jumping the gun a bit. Not all chistians are out to get you. Essencially, you’re prejudiced against religious people & you really need to get over it if you want to enjoy your wedding with the vendors you’ve ALREADY PAID FOR.
I have no problem working with religious vendors, as long as they don’t impose anything on me.
Post # 7
I required that our vendors work with same sex couples as well. I didn’t care if they were religious or not, because religous and bigoted are sometimes two separate things.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t work with a vendor who judged me for any reason (race, sexual orientation, religion, etc). However, your post is offensive. By assuming all Christians are judgmental jerks, you are no better than the relgious people who assume all atheists are morally corrupt.
Post # 9
For right now, unless your vendor starts getting in your face about it — just stop reading their Facebook. 🙂
I would be deeply bothered if my vendor was posting or saying things that were religious AND outside the range of what I could support politically (ie, “Thank you Jesus for giving Chris Christie the strength to veto the gay marriage bill in NJ”). I would definitely not hire a vendor like that, and if I’d hired them already, we’d be having a chat about what they would and would not be saying in front or behind the backs of the various LGBT members of our wedding party, friends and family.
But there’s a huge difference between that crap and “Thank you Jesus for helping me get through this extremely challenging day! Watch over Mama as she heals from her operation!” That’s just his or her way or dealing, as weird as it seems to you or me.
To be honest, though…if I was still in the hiring stage, even “benign religiosity” would give me a moment of pause in comparison to other vendors. Fiance and I are *not* religious, and even though something like our photographer gushing, “I’m so thankful that God has brought me into your lives to celebrate this day!” would be sweet and complimentary, it’s just a type of language that we’re not super comfortable with (and like you, might be wondering what other attitudes come along with that).
Of course, if the work and the price was right, along with everything else in the vendor’s demeanor, I do suspect that we’d simply deal. 🙂
Edit: On the other side of this, if I saw that a photographer that we were considering had posted something like “Thank you God for giving the Maryland legislature the strength to pass the gay marriage bill!” — that would totally put them a couple notches UP on the list. So I’m inconsistent. But we’re secular, y’all. Our politics are more important to us than spirituality. 🙂
Post # 10
In my experience, apparently like yours, I have found that there are tolerant people and there are intolerant people and I have learned to tell the difference over the past few years. (ETA: I mean that as a whole, not just religious and not religious…please don’t flame me) I have worked with and will work with ANY vendor as long as they are tolerant and do their job correctly. I have been upfront with all of my vendors and if they chose not to work with me than that is their problem and I will take my business to another vendor. This makes me sad because everyone wants to be liked, but happy because it avoids problems later.
Post # 11
In general, if there is an option that supports religion and a separate but equal option that does not, I go with the one that does not. For instance, in my city the only place to buy art supplies is hobbylobby. I buy there when I need to, but try to buy from dick blick/various other suppliers online when I can instead.
If I purchase something/use a vendor and then later find out they are religious, I’m not going to try and return my merchandise/fire the vendor unless they show clear bigotry. Like pp have said, not all religious folk are bigoted- but if they are, I’d like to show that I do not support that.
Please don’t be thinking about that during your wedding day, though. All you should be thinking about is how much you love your spouse and how much you love your family/friends. That day, should someone you work with once in your life matter more than all that love?
Post # 12
@scaredofreligion: I am so sorry about the way you are feeling. I am not saying this to make you feel better but that is one of the reason I am breaking away from the church. I am african american and I get heated when I read how back in the day people used religion to have my ancestors as slaves. I am 100% for gay rights because history has taught us that what was considered right is not always true. You photographer knows you guys are a same sex couple and still agreed to do your wedding so he/she probably is not against gay marriages. I cannot wait for the day that everyone will have equal rights!!!!!!!!!!
Post # 13
Just because someone is religious doesn’t mean that they have an issue with homosexuality. Yes, religion is the reason why your marriage won’t be legal but it’s not that particular persons fault. Unless the photog is making derogitory comments or posting things directly related to anti gay, I’d probably give them the benefit of the doubt. You hired them because you loved their work. Their religious beliefs have nothing to do with their talent.
We’re atheist and our photog was religious. As long as he didn’t try to preach to us or judge our decisions, we could care less what he believed in.
Post # 14
Well our pastour who is marrying us is married to another man who is of a different race and your affraid of people who believe in god and religion… Sorry I think youve been hurt in the past and now can’t let go. Our world is changing and we should all be supporting that change and growth not act point out the small percentage of jerks in the world. There are bad sects within religions and people who do take it too far and unfortunetly they scream at the top of there lungs till someone listens but there are lots of quiet people who do not care. Unless he was voiced anything to you I think give him a chance and he will surprise you. Its part of being a good christian to be accepting of others so let him do so.
Post # 15
@scaredofreligion: I haven’t read the rest of the comments, so I apologize if I repeat anything already said.
I’m a Christian, marrying an Atheist, and he picked our officiant…who is totally a Christian minister. Very laid-back, cool, and has not blinked an eye at uniting us in marriage and including our son in the ceremony as well. We completely went into things open minded and I think you should too. I understand why you are angry–FH’s favorite cousin is a lesbian and we adore them. I’m in favor of gay marriage and I’m pro-choice as well. So, don’t get uncomfortable just yet–he may be Christian but that doesn’t mean he is closed minded and oppressive. Give him a chance!
Post # 16
I confess: I did not read your entry. i only read your title question and my answer is NO