Would/do you keep in touch with your sibling's ex?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

From how you state things, I don’t see an issue being friends with his ex girlfriend. As you said they both moved on and she isn’t pushing for information on your brother. Your brother may have residual guilt or his current GF is feeling insecure and confronted your brother about it, causing him to lash out at you. Ignore it. 🙂

Post # 3
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

My opinion is that if your sibling asks you not to continue contact with their ex, you need to respect that. 

DH was engaged to someone at one point, but broke it off because he felt it was the wrong relationship for him. He asked his family to stop contact with her, but his mom and his sister are still in contact with her. His mom actually chose to keep the option of contacting and being friends with his ex over meeting his wife and her granddaughter. DH feels like it’a really disrespectful to him and to me, and I agree with him. He has absolutely no ill-will for his ex, he just feels very uncomfortable with her still being involved with his family. It has wreaked havoc on his side of the family, and I’ll probably never get to meet my MIL because of it.

Post # 4
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Probably only if there were kids involved 

Post # 5
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

ETA (it won’t let me edit my post) I meant his SIL, not sister.

Post # 6
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

As someone who has been through this, it’s generally not going to end well. I would respect your brother’s feelings whether they seem ridiculous or not. 

Post # 7
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

newbeelove:  You have done nothing wrong. You can be friends with who you want and your brother is being ridiculous. (Except for cases like abusive relationships, but that’s not the case here).

I very occasionally see my brother’s ex-wife. Naturally I would never her invite her anywhere where my brother or his new wife might be present. I’ve no idea if my brother knows I’ve met her – it’s not his business.

EDIT: You should probably not have posted her page where your brother could see it though. Just keep seeing her and don’t tell your brother. It’s not his business if you see her privately.

Post # 8
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

I do not see any thing that it harmful at all. But I do understand the reasons on why your brother would be upset. Your best bet is just to go with what your family says just to make your brother and his current gf happy. But I honestly don’t see any harm to it, you just entered to win somethzing…. No big deal. Are you close to his current gf? Maybe she doesn’t like the fact that your close with his ex then her? 

newbeelove:  ^

Post # 10
Member
7262 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

newbeelove:  Every family has it’s issues, but I still think that if a sibling you care about asks you to not contact an ex, it should be respected. It doesn’t really sound like you want to be friends with your brother though.

Post # 11
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

newbeelove:  I wouldn’t. My brothers have both dated lots of girls over the years. Some they were with for years and whom I liked very, very much. 

BUT, the relationship I have with my brothers is more important. I would not risk upsetting them and fraying our relationship over someone you’re not even close with. She has no real involvement in your life. 

I just don’t see the point. Especially since he’s about to propose to his girlfriend. I would work on having a relationship with his soon to be fiance, rather than keeping contact with his ex.

I would be upset if my siblings had any contact with my exes. Especially after I voiced to them that it made me uncomfortable.

Post # 13
Member
3201 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

newbeelove:  I have told my brother that if he breaks up with his girlfriend, the family gets her and he has to leave. My brother and his girlfriend have been dating for five years and within that time she has become more than a friend, she has become the little sister I never had. We do everything together and it honestly scares me sometimes that they might break up, because I wouldn’t know what to do. I’ve been very vocal with my brother, though. If he breaks up with his girlfriend, I would still speak to her (unless she did something unforgiveable like cheat on him, etc.)

Post # 14
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

newbeelove:  “BTW, my brother has our other brother’s ex gf as his friend on social media. How is that any different?” ——it’s not, your brother is a HYPOCRITE! and it doesn’t sound like there was any serious scandal or drama surrounding their breakup so it’s fine for you to be friends with her.

Post # 15
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

I talked to my sisters ex-boyfriend on Facebook sometimes but not often. He’s a cool guy but I limit the time I talk to him. My sister has another ex boyfriend and that ex I don’t talk to because he didn’t treat her well during that relationship. 

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