Post # 1
I understand under certain circumstances you probably wouldn’t still be friends with a sibling’s ex. However, in my case I don’t see the huge issue and think it’s pretty petty that my brother is making a huge issue that I talk to his ex gf.
Back story: My younger brother (late 20s) was with is ex gf for two years and briefly lived together. He left her to be with his current gf. He claims his ex gf was smothering, jealous and insecure about herself. She went a little crazy when he broke up with her, crying, begging him back and was just truly heart broken. She had cervical cancer and he was there for her and took care of her. So it was hard for her to let go. I just felt bad for her, I’m sure we all been there. A week later my brother was already with the new gf. (He was actually dating the new gf before his ex gf.)
My brother falls in love quick and can never be single. I never became friends with his gfs for that reason and since he moved in with the ex gf (gf at the time) and was always around, I made an effort to be friends and we became really close.
His ex gf lives on the other side of the country now, just had a baby with her FI and is really happy. It’s been a little over a year since they broke up and not once does she ask about my brother. My brother is actually going to propose to his gf next month and plans to get married next year.
I have his ex gf on my social media and it’s her makeup page. She was doing a giveaway contest and all I did was participate in the contest. I never post anything public about her, we talk privately, text or fb, and it’s purely friends being friends. My brother txtd me after I posted the giveaway page, which doesn’t have her pic, name or did I say anything personal on it, and said that I’m being disrespectful and it’s not cool at all.
They both moved on. She’s engaged with a new born and does not even think about my brother. My brother is planning to marry is gf. I believe it’s my brother’s new gf having the problem and my brother has to support her. What’s the problem. The whole thing is just ridiculous that my mom even said that I’m wrong and not a family person. I have bigger issues to worry about and I’m not going to let let dictate who I can be friends with.
What’s your input? Is this just ridiculous and petty to get upset over? Or am I being a bad sister?
BTW, my brother has our other brother’s ex gf as his friend on social media. How is that any different?
Post # 2
From how you state things, I don’t see an issue being friends with his ex girlfriend. As you said they both moved on and she isn’t pushing for information on your brother. Your brother may have residual guilt or his current GF is feeling insecure and confronted your brother about it, causing him to lash out at you. Ignore it. 🙂
Post # 3
My opinion is that if your sibling asks you not to continue contact with their ex, you need to respect that.
DH was engaged to someone at one point, but broke it off because he felt it was the wrong relationship for him. He asked his family to stop contact with her, but his mom and his sister are still in contact with her. His mom actually chose to keep the option of contacting and being friends with his ex over meeting his wife and her granddaughter. DH feels like it’a really disrespectful to him and to me, and I agree with him. He has absolutely no ill-will for his ex, he just feels very uncomfortable with her still being involved with his family. It has wreaked havoc on his side of the family, and I’ll probably never get to meet my MIL because of it.
Post # 4
Probably only if there were kids involved
Post # 5
ETA (it won’t let me edit my post) I meant his SIL, not sister.
Post # 6
As someone who has been through this, it’s generally not going to end well. I would respect your brother’s feelings whether they seem ridiculous or not.
Post # 7
newbeelove: You have done nothing wrong. You can be friends with who you want and your brother is being ridiculous. (Except for cases like abusive relationships, but that’s not the case here).
I very occasionally see my brother’s ex-wife. Naturally I would never her invite her anywhere where my brother or his new wife might be present. I’ve no idea if my brother knows I’ve met her – it’s not his business.
EDIT: You should probably not have posted her page where your brother could see it though. Just keep seeing her and don’t tell your brother. It’s not his business if you see her privately.
Post # 8
I do not see any thing that it harmful at all. But I do understand the reasons on why your brother would be upset. Your best bet is just to go with what your family says just to make your brother and his current gf happy. But I honestly don’t see any harm to it, you just entered to win somethzing…. No big deal. Are you close to his current gf? Maybe she doesn’t like the fact that your close with his ex then her?
Post # 9
Cory_loves_this_girl: I understand that, but I’m not choosing anyone. I get along with his current gf. I’m not avoiding her and treating her any different. And honestly my brother talks crap about my husband for personal reasons, my brother looks down on people thinking he’s better than others and we don’t have a loving, close net relationship. I separated myself from the family for a year and no one contacted me but his ex gt to see how I was doing. So we became really good friends. But I do think what your MIL is doing is wrong. I’m sorry she’s treating you guys that way.
Post # 10
newbeelove: Every family has it’s issues, but I still think that if a sibling you care about asks you to not contact an ex, it should be respected. It doesn’t really sound like you want to be friends with your brother though.
Post # 11
newbeelove: I wouldn’t. My brothers have both dated lots of girls over the years. Some they were with for years and whom I liked very, very much.
BUT, the relationship I have with my brothers is more important. I would not risk upsetting them and fraying our relationship over someone you’re not even close with. She has no real involvement in your life.
I just don’t see the point. Especially since he’s about to propose to his girlfriend. I would work on having a relationship with his soon to be fiance, rather than keeping contact with his ex.
I would be upset if my siblings had any contact with my exes. Especially after I voiced to them that it made me uncomfortable.
Post # 12
mzwiggy: I do get along with his current gf. She actually requested to be friends with my step sister on social media before me and didn’t even try to get to know me at first. After I met her and talked to her. When I was around with my dog, she would actually tell my dog hi and good morning and not tell me hi sometimes. Lol
Post # 13
newbeelove: I have told my brother that if he breaks up with his girlfriend, the family gets her and he has to leave. My brother and his girlfriend have been dating for five years and within that time she has become more than a friend, she has become the little sister I never had. We do everything together and it honestly scares me sometimes that they might break up, because I wouldn’t know what to do. I’ve been very vocal with my brother, though. If he breaks up with his girlfriend, I would still speak to her (unless she did something unforgiveable like cheat on him, etc.)
Post # 14
newbeelove: “BTW, my brother has our other brother’s ex gf as his friend on social media. How is that any different?” ——it’s not, your brother is a HYPOCRITE! and it doesn’t sound like there was any serious scandal or drama surrounding their breakup so it’s fine for you to be friends with her.
Post # 15
I talked to my sisters ex-boyfriend on Facebook sometimes but not often. He’s a cool guy but I limit the time I talk to him. My sister has another ex boyfriend and that ex I don’t talk to because he didn’t treat her well during that relationship.