Post # 1
We have JUST started planning our super small/intimate wedding for October of 2014. We really want 10-15 people max (close family). My fiance’ is from Ohio originally, but moved here to NC when he joined the Marine Corp. He got out a year ago and stayed here with me. His family mostly still lives in Ohio, and all of his close friends are scattered everywhere from the military. We have told everyone we want a small wedding, pretty outdoor ceremony, then a nice dinner and DONE. We don’t want a crazy reception, we don’t want a wedding party, we don’t need a rehearsal dinner and all that stuff. We have been set on October 24 ever since we first got engaged about a month ago because we just love the fall, and the 24th is our “monthiversary” lol.
He has not seen his twin brother in about 2 years due to him being here, and always being busy with work. We were talking to his brother on the phone yesterday about how we wanted a small wedding and he honestly didn’t have to waste a ton of money on plane tickets if he didn’t want to because it was only going to be a 2 hour affair anyway. His brother kept telling us to plan all these parties, and dinners, and huge wedding ideas, even though we were being insistent about our set in stone plans. “You guys should have this, you guys should have that” First of all it’s like your insulting our plans, second of all..okay you want a huge party..you can pay for it then. He then goes on asking us if we can wait to go on our honeymoon a few days so he can see us….uhm WHAT!!?? I understand they haven’t seen each other…but why would we get married…and put our lives on hold…any other time yes more than welcome but OUR honeymoon…NO. Then HE GOES ON saying one of my Fiance’s really good friend from highschool won’t be able to make it out here until November because of training, and his brother asked if we could move the wedding to November!!!! HELL NO! At this point I walked away from the phone…I seriously cannot believe someone would have the nerve to ask us to move OUR wedding. I always hear stories about everyone trying to accomodate your special day around them but I never thought with such a small wedding I would have a problem with it. Needless to say I was pissed.
It is OUR special day…it is the start of our lives as husband and wife, it is not a party I’m planning for you, or a free vacation for you. Ugh it frustrates me…maybe I’m overreacting but I thought it was extremely selfish of him..
Has this happened to anyone else? I’m sure it has….am I overreacting?? (I really don’t think so) It’s been a good 24 hrs and it still bothers me.
He was asking about the women that live here, where he could go to meet them, and mentioned bring them back to MY house, suggesting bachelor parties etc. I guess you had to actually HEAR the conversation. I love him to death, but this conversation about the wedding was CLEARLY to benefit himself. He is my future BIL and I understand I can’t hold it over his head, but he WAS being selfish.
Post # 3
All you can do is politely say no. I understand it’s frustrating, but it’s not the end of the world. Just keep planning the wedding you want. Maybe he could come down a few days before the wedding to visit?
Post # 4
@JenGirl: I know, that would make sense. It just frustrates me so much because I was raised to be polite, and personally I would NEVER ask someone to change the date of their special day.
Post # 5
To be honest, yes, you are overreacting. Your fiancé hasn’t seen his twin brother in 2 years, who will then spend a (I assume) large amount of money flying down for a 2 hour party, and you aren’t even willing to let your fiancé and his brother hang out for a couple of days?
And yes, part of planning a wedding is making sure that they people you want to attend can be there. If you don’t want the school friend there, fine, but if your man does really want his friend there, it’s not unreasonable to plan around availability, especially when it seems like you haven’t got any concrete plans with vendors on a specific date.
Post # 6
I don’t think the honey moon thing is a big deal if it’s not already booked. The majority of people I know don’t leave for their honey moon til a week or so after the wedding anyways, if not significantly after for various reasons. If they haven’t seen each other in 2 years, it’s not a huge request – but again, it’s your day so up to you.
I wouldn’t be very happy about suggesting moving the wedding though. But again, I’d say it would have to depend on the way he asked. Was he asking, thinking that there wasn’t a particular reason you chose october and that november wouldn’t be a big deal, or did he realize how much you guys wanted oct and that it was a done deal?
I wouldn’t be so mad… just explain to him the way you want things to go and that you aren’t comfortable changing anything. If he keeps hounding about it, then i’d get frustrated
Post # 8
You are totally overreacting. Calm down.
Given that your FI’s brother hasn’t seen him in TWO years (!!! I live across country on a student salary and still see my family at least 1x a year…I can’t imagine waiting 2+ years), I can understand why the brother would make his request for a longer visit. That doesn’t make it a “free vacation”. Before you get huffy about your honeymoon, consider that many couples don’t have the privelage of taking one and many couples have to wait weeks months after the big day to take their honeymoon. As for the request to change the date—this is probably because the brother is a little clueless about wedding planning AND you’ve described your day as a short, minimal affair which might have made it sound like no big deal to him.
This guy is going to be your family, no point in getting butt hurt over nothing and creating unnecessary tension. Let it go and move on.
Post # 9
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
OP, take a deep breath in. Let a deep breath out. Repeat a few times…
Think about this…
A twin brother’s closest friend is getting married. He is plain and simply excited; probably doesn’t know how to communicate his excitement — so, it comes off as overbearing.
And yes, family will always throw in things that could ruffle us up. I’ve had suggestions about moving my June wedding to August from a variety of people. August is just too hot for an outdoor wedding.
Just say something like, “We really hope you can join us, but if you can’t you can celebrate with us from far!”
Set up a seat just for your FH’s twin brother, so that he can be part of the wedding on SKYPE!
Post # 10
@Merinda1994: You’re overreacting. Especially about the honeymoon aspect. Your FI hasn’t seen his brother in two years and his brother is willing to come out for the wedding. I don’t think it’s a big deal at all to postpone your honeymoon for a few days- it will still be special.
Post # 11
@Bearimbolo: I never said I wasn’t willing to let them see each other…but wouldn’t it make more sense to come down BEFORE or ANYTIME other than what he was saying lol.
We do have a concrete date, as stated above btw.
Post # 12
IDK We postponed our honeymoon because my entire family was coming to town and I hadn’t seen them in three months, and wasn’t sure when I would see them again. DH and I have our entire lives together and pushing a Honeymoon back a week didn’t seem that big of a deal.
As for the rest of it, your FI’s brother is excited to see him, to see him get married and probably didn’t think he would be offending anyone. Cut him some slack, he hasn’t seen his brother in two years and it may very well be another two before he sees him again.
Post # 13
@MrsPhilly: I was polite at first, and he kept bringing up more and more stuff on the phone. It was like talking in circles, and yea I got frustrated lol
Post # 14
@Merinda1994: I think you have every right to be upset, but don’t let it get to you. Like another bee said, politely tell him no.
Post # 15
@LoveBugBee: I guess you just had to actually hear the conversation, he was suggesting bachelor parties and asking about the girls that live here, and wanting to stay at our house WITH a girl, it was clear he was suggesting additional wedding plans to benefit him.
He is going to be my family so I should try to let it go…and he is an awesome guy I love him to death but I just thought it was selfish of him.
Post # 16
@Merinda1994: I think you are overreacting a bit. Not at the part where he asked you to delay the wedding for a friend of your FIs but I don’t think it’s a big deal to delay your honeymoon a few days so FI can spend some time with his brother etc. after the wedding. He hasn’t seen his twin in 2 years so I can totally understand them wanting to catch up. We delayed our honeymoon by a few days so we can spend more time with relatives that are flying in from overseas for our wedding. No biggie. Least I can do after the expense they are laying out.