- 8 years ago
- Wedding: April 2011
She’s my cousin and I love her..but she is mentally unstable. She is very, very ill right now and I had NO idea until the last 2 days.
Night one she was in town I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, she said yes and we talked about dates for the B-party, a timeline and I said “are you sure you can do this?” and she was all for it and said she could stay 11 days like she did this time.
Next day she starts expressing concerns she doesn’t think she can come early (only 2 days before wedding) and shot down anything I suggested to accomidate her. For example I said “why don’t we do the party the weekend before and then when you come we can go out that Thursday and we’ll celebrate” and she thought it was rude of me to suggest…maybe it was? I just want to party with my core group the week before and my Maid/Matron of Honor goes to school out of state and simply can’t be there. I understand.
She’s had a few breakdowns since she’s been here and it’s to the point where we sincerely think she needs an intervention and it’s just been so stressful on my whole family (my brother lives with his Girlfriend and my cousin/MOH has been staying there or with my parents). For the record my mom and I both suffer from depression and anxiety. I am in no way judging her or saying people with a mental illness can’t do things…my cousin hasn’t had any professional help and it’s clear she’s suffering.
She’s not happy and I can’t/won’t list everything that has happened but it’s clear that she is not a state of mind to take my wedding seriously and honestly I don’t want to give her any more stress than she has. I am very, very, very worried for her mental health. I just want to cry. I’m not upset I asked her, and I’m not worried about asking her to step down, I’m just so sad that I had NO IDEA she was/is in such a bad place. She is very, very miserable.
I’m going to ask her/tell her that I don’t think this is the best choice for her sake. Is that awful? Does that make me appear heartless? Does it seem like a selfish thing to do? Should I wait a few months and see if she gets help? Asking her seemed like the obvious choice but after 2 weeks with her I see how unstable and unhappy she is and I just can’t see this making either of us happy.