(Closed) Wow. Sister is Pregnant.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2016

yeah that’s frustrating.  I hope your mom will have the opportunity to talk to her about how to be a gracious guest at someone else’s wedding.  I feel your frustration and I don’t really have any good advice except vent away cause I totally get it.  

I’m having my own issues with my sister’s behavior so I can sort of relate (I half feel she may want to boycott my wedding, lol, because her “political views” dictated that “weddings” are oppressive to women – maybe she doesn’t get that MY happy event is not the time for HER to be a selfish little piglet).

Post # 4
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@navywifenmoore:  I don’t think you’re being selfish. I probably would be frustrated too if I were you. It was very insensitive for her to make the comments regarding your miscarriage. I think your sister is just immature, and hopefully she’ll mature quickly with the baby on the way. Though she won’t be able to help as much the day of and your mom’s time is now split, just focus on the positive and keep in mind all the people who will be there to help.

Post # 5
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@navywifenmoore:  You are NOT selfish. Aside from being preggers, she has done everything wrong.

First tell your mom how you feel, ask her to listen without interupting. Then tell your sister how you feel. How difficult a childs death is, even prior to birth. Let her know you are happy for her but that your wedding day is about you and your FH and your love. Not her. The pictures will be of the wedding, the dresses of your choice. If you want to be nice and choose a brides maids dress in a maternity style, that is fine. Otherwise do not feel bad for doing what every woman on here does.

I hope your mom is understanding. Either way time to put your foot down. Perhaps look to your SO for the support needed to actually stand up for yourself.

Post # 6
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Since this was a planning party, I actually think it was appopriate for your sister to mention her pregnancy. She can also put forward her idea on dresses, which you are welcome to take on board or ignore.ETA: OK sorry I misread some of that, telling you to pretend to be excited and “get over” your MC, that was horrible. But she’s wrong about how much attention she’ll get. A pregnancy doesn’t take too much attention. You can’t cuddle a baby bump.

The only strange thing is your mom. How she can take of the pregnancy? Weird. I would explain to her that there’s not much she can do for the pregnancy, you’d appreciate her help for the wedding, and it would be far more helpful if she flew out after the baby is born.

Post # 7
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee

 

First of all, I’m very sorry about your miscarriage. We lost two, and it’s nothing that you will ever just “get over”. For your cousin to say so was incredibly insensitive. She is only nineteen, and she has no idea what it is like to lose a baby. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got what from one of the ER nurses who had also had a miscarriage. She said to be prepared for people you love to say the dumbest things because they don’t understand. They love you, but they just don’t get it. So forgive them and move on.

Second, I don’t necessarily think it was attention-seeking announcing it when everyone was there for dinner. You said it wasn’t your engagement party–it was just a time when everyone was together. I do think it’s very odd that she wants your photographer to take ‘pregnancy shots’ of only her. I would nix that idea right now and tell her you’ve already planned out what shots you’d like the photographer to take of your wedding, and you’d be more than happy to pass on your photographer’s information in case she’d like to do a pregnancy shoot. Also, I can understand finding a more comfortable BM dress for her, but not her wanting to change all of your BMs dresses. 

I’m a little confused as to why your Mom has to fly out and be with her for the whole pregnancy, thus miss your wedding planning? Or am I misunderstanding how long your Mom will be with her?

Anyway, a baby will always trump a wedding–that’s just a fact of life. People will be naturally be curious about the baby, but no matter what, you will be the one in the pretty dress walking down the aisle, and in the end, the day will be about you and your husband. It’s hard not to be sensitive to a pregnancy when you’ve had a miscarriage, but you have to be able to move on and focus on your wedding and in being a good ‘aunt’ for your new ‘niece’ or ‘nephew’. 

Post # 8
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsYokiman:  If my mom chose my faux-sister over me at any milestone we’d have a problem. She is her birth daughter, the other girl isnt even if shes close, it should be a close second.

Post # 9
Member
19 posts
Newbee

You have every right to be a little bummed, every girl dreams of her wedding day and it should be about you and you shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting it to be!

You are handeling it very well, try not to let it get you down, just focus on all the exciting things you have in front of you and get some close girlfriends and other relatives to help you out.. those who will be excited for you and make it about you!

 

Post # 10
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@subtlebee:  I don’t know about this particular Bee’s situation, but I’m going to completely disagree with you.  My family adopted my cousin when we were younger and raised him as my brother.  There is no favoritism between the two of us.  He is my brother.  I am not loved more because I am biologically my mother and fathers and he is not loved more or less because he is not.

Post # 11
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@subtlebee: I agree with  @DrTeeth:. Adopted daughter should get the same treatment. The problem though is mom is favoring one daughter, or at least favoring pregnancy over wedding. It makes no sense because she can’t help the pregnancy anyway.

Post # 12
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@DrTeeth:  Well her mother flying out for the whole of her planning period for the pregnancy says she is picking sides. So if you are open to picking sides, pick the side that came out of you.

If you and your brothers life moments clash (over months and months) and your folks only bother to focus on one, I’d say your assessment is wrong and they too have favorites.

Post # 13
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@paula1248:  Pffft, yeah, I don’t understand that, either.  Makes no sense to me, what does her mother think she’s going to be doing?

Post # 14
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@paula1248:  ah glad to see you actually agree with me and not Dr. Teeth, see above. Wrote it before reading yours otherwise i would have added you too!

Post # 15
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@subtlebee: I don’t condone playing favorites with your child, no.

ETA: But that doesn’t mean favorting your biological child is somehow the lesser of two evils.  You don’t play favorites, period.  I’m not saying that the mother favoriting the sister is “right.”

Post # 16
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@subtlebee:  No, I disagree with you and agree with Dr. Teeth.

The topic ‘Wow. Sister is Pregnant.’ is closed to new replies.

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