African-American Brides Do you feel you face challenges other brides don't?
more by crebre80
17 month anniversary!!
It's my birthday, dinner tonight!
more in Waiting
He Asked!!  (My dad)
He's freaking me out a little...
more in Boards
What Have You Planned So Far?

Wow. Thanks way to make a girl feel good.

posted 3 weeks ago in Waiting
  • 1 Member(s) Subscribed To Topic
  •  
    1.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    One of my very close guy friends (we chat once or twice every few months, but are still best buddies) and I were chatting and he asked me if I was married yet. 

    I said nope not yet. 

    He asked why not,

    and I said well I'm not sure. Ask M. 

    He says well don't y'all live together.

    Yes we do.

    For how long

    Nearly a year

    Oh well maybe y'all aren't the marrying type, it has been that long and he is getting everything that he wants to there's really no reason to get married.

    um yeah there is i want to be married.

    his response: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

    (what the heck does hmmmmmm mean?) i politely change the subject.

    so of course i ask M about it and this starts and argument with us. i swear i am fine with us waiting, it doesn't feel like it's been that long since we've been together.  but when i get those questions... i want to SCREAM!!

    eta maybe I am pms'g because M's statement shortly before that was

    wow my friend D is moving in with a woman again and isn't married.

    um WHAT!! babe, you and i live together and aren't married, what's the difference

    (this time he gives me the blank stare)....

    seriously wth...

     

     
    2.
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    Mrs. Dee to Bee   January 30, 2010  Louisville, KY (Wedding in TX)

    UGH. Guys that aren't your Guy are dumb. I have a BFF guy-friend who I chat with about once a month. He's amazing, I love him to death...but I remember when FI asked me out on our first date, I wasn't sure if it was a date or not so I asked BFF-guy and he definitely got all weird and told me that of course it wasn't a date. He was wrong. Your BFF-guy is probably all wrong too. I say don't sweat it. :-/

     
    3.
    Member
    781 posts
    Busy bee
    SandDollar   October 8, 2010  Outer Banks, NC

    I don't have any advice for you...sorry...but I had to giggle a little reading that conversation.

    I have a guy friend (who I also only talk to once in awhile but was best buds with in college) who would say the exact same thing to me! But that is just his way and I know that he is saying that in that way only because if he was in that situation he would be thinking "heck no need to get married anytime soon". That's just him and sadly that is what I love about him...

     
    4.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @mrsdeetobee: it's really irritating you know, and to hear m make darn near the exact same statement about his friend is mind boggling.

     
    5.
    Member Icon
    Member
    1,016 posts
    Bumble bee
    vintage2010     

    Aww just hang in there.  I think everyone's living situation is different.  I.e. my brother lived with his now wife for 1 year before he proposed and they married a year later.  My mom and her FI have been living together and engaged for 4 years.  They don't see the point in ruining a good thing... their words.  So to each their own, if you are happy that's all that matters.  And when someone like your friend asks you when are you getting married you should say all in due time why mess up a good thing?  Turn it back on them!

     
    6.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @sanddollar: my friend has been married for two years now, he and his wife didn't live together before marriage.  and then he proceeds to lecture me on how being married is so much different than just dating someone, really? ummm then i guess it will be different.

    @vintage: i say oh i'm so happy right now it's really no biggie i'm sure it will happen in the next few years, but when M makes the freaking statements about his friends it burns me up. i seriously want to perform an excision of his tongue with a dull spoon.

     
    7.
    Member
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    HoneyBear     Texas

    Guys are so stupid sometimes, I have a friend from college that asks me if Im engaged every time we talk on the phone. He got married when he was 24 so my bf being 28 is a little weird to him i guess...

     
    8.
    Member Icon
    Member
    1,016 posts
    Bumble bee
    vintage2010     

    crebre- I'm sorry I didn't read the Mister's comment.  I had to go back and re-read it.  I agree with ya, sometimes the boys just need a bop on the head.  Just kidding ;) But very frustrating.

     
    9.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    yeah my friend was married at 28 and m is 33 so i know he thinks it's odd

    but what do you-all make of m's statement about the friend living with a woman before marriage?! i think that is the most single-handedly stupid remark that he has ever made. the problem is he makes it about all of his friends that live together. it's  like hello dumb arse we aren't married, you are a hypocrite.

    i need to go back to my happy place, it is our 17 mth anniversary and all. (thank goodness for being able to vent here) even though he got an earful tonight.

     
    10.
    Member
    781 posts
    Busy bee
    SandDollar   October 8, 2010  Outer Banks, NC

    @crebre: oh man then I'm really lost on having a clue why he would say that?! My guy friend freaks out a little with the seriousness of a relationship (had a few bad ones back to back and now is afraid of love - so he says) so I know where he is coming from, but your guy?! I would just try to shake it off as best I could. Let the relationship progress at it's own rate and you will be engaged before you know it! I'm bettong your SO is just trying to get you off the sent of that bling bling he's been eyeing and as for your friend, just tell yourself he's just jealous he doesn't have you :)

     
    11.
    Member
    1,002 posts
    Bumble bee
    lilyfaith   6/24/2012  Lakeview, Chicago

    Ugh, he needs to be whacked upside the head! 

    Haha, seriously though, sometimes guys really just don't think before they speak. 

    Today we were at the Lincoln Park Zoo walking by Cafe Brauer, where I had originally wanted to get married and realllly had to talk myself out of because it's so expensive. R goes, "oh, don't you wish we could get married there? It's even better than the pictures." 

    Um, yes?!

    I think guys just have moments when their brains aren't on. Sounds like your friend is kind of a jerk, and your guy had one of those moments. 

     

     
    12.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @vintage: i swear i want to take one of our sons' baseball bats and whack him once across the head. sorta like in the cartoons, and go WHAM

     
    13.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @lilyfaith: lol that is hilarious actually!!

    @sanddollar: i don't think m realizes that we are living together and not married, for his friends it's like oh they don't even want to marry so and so (in his mind) and i guess he thinks we are headed in that direction. that is the only logical thing i can deduce from this stupidity.

     
    14.
    Member
    781 posts
    Busy bee
    SandDollar   October 8, 2010  Outer Banks, NC

    Oh I just saw the comment from M too in your original post...

    If I'm reading his comment correctly and his friend is moving in with another women for yet another time? Then I would take his comment to mean that maybe M thought he made a mistake living with the first women without being married and things not working out in the relationship that to go and move in with yet another women would be like making the same mistake again?

    Obviously I don't know anything about his friends relationships, but just from the way he made that comment, that is how I would take it...but I can understand your frustration. Sometimes guys are just so...ugh...there is no word for it. Hit him up side the head. You'll feel better. JK

     
    15.
    Member
    2,087 posts
    Buzzing bee
    krissycake   11/21/09  orlando,fl

    argh!  some people are just rude! =P

     
    16.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @sanddollar: this isn't the first time he's made that statement. if ANYONE he knows moves in with someone he makes that statement.  also he made it tons before we met in person. it is like completely against something he believes in, yet here we are nearly a year into living together and um yeah we are just living together.  he's a hypocrite, whether he likes to believe it or not.  i really think i'm having an iud induced mood swing lol... i was just fine before my friend asked that question. i truly think he struck a nerve.

     
    17.
    Member
    781 posts
    Busy bee
    SandDollar   October 8, 2010  Outer Banks, NC

    @crebre: I wouldn't doubt he struck a nerve! That would with me too...sometimes the things people say are just hard to let roll off our shoulders! Hypocrite or not, maybe he just isn't bothered by you two living together because he KNOWS you are the one and that he is going to marry you one day! Try the best you can to forget that comment your friend made and (((HUGS))).

     
    18.
    Member
    690 posts
    Busy bee
    gingerkid4god   June 12, 2010  West Virginia

    hm have you talked about marriage with you SO you may want to get married, but are you sure he does. Might be a good time to ask.  Hugs guys can be jerks some times. Even the perfect ones lol.

     
    19.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @sanddollar: suffering succotash is really what i want to say to him. i mean he's sooo incredibly evasive now when i talk about engagements etc, even asking the question about what my friend said led him to asking a question in response. and then it confuses and irritates me so much that i just glare at him.... lol seriously it's not that serious but it is in the moment.  i don't know why i let that comment bother me i am sure i'll get tons of them come dec 25th.

     

    @gingerkid4god: we've talked about marriage etc.  i expect that we'll be getting engaged sometime within the next year.  we've been together for nearly a year and a half, i'm just at that ackward annoying and irritating yet fun and exciting waiting period. i know that he wants a spring wedding, i know the budget he wants even though it's not reasonable. and i know that he wants us to have a 2 week engagement. he is seriously sending me to the crazy house.  i don't know anymore and am completely ambivalent. however if he makes the statement again, straight to the moon i tell ya.

     
    20.
    Member
    2,853 posts
    Sugar bee
    KMSull     Lexington, KY (via Atlanta, GA)

    LOL my manager (the one that just got engaged) came in a few months ago SO ANNOYED because her boyfriend (now fiancee) FORGOT that they weren't married! He said something about her being his wife and she looked at him and went "... we aren't MARRIED, so I'm not your WIFE! I'm just your housefriend". No joke. Maybe he forgot y'all weren't married?

     
    21.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @kmsull: oddly enough that makes perfect sense because he sometimes makes these dumb statements and i am like what are you talking about?! WE are just dating, then when i asked him about the average age for marriage etc, he was like wow i didn't realize that. i asked him if he felt old and he says no too. honestly it doesn't feel like we've been together this long. it feels like 3 or 4 months at the most.  and it's been nearly a year and a half. so on one hand i'm sure he thinks oh we haven't dated that long (until i remind him) and then he's like oh wow, it has been that long.

     
    22.
    Member
    690 posts
    Busy bee
    gingerkid4god   June 12, 2010  West Virginia

    Yes that would send me to the crazy house. Whats the reasoning for a two week engage ment i'm sure there is something special behind it.

     
    23.
    Member
    3,751 posts
    Honey bee
    fiftyfootbride   June 19, 2010  LaGrange, Ga

    There would be some nose-punching if I had been a part of that conversation.

     
    24.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @gingerkid: because he thinks I can do it!  he sees me putting together events and doesn't think it would be difficult because i would be doing everything. he hasn't really thought about having to book venues, photogs, etc

    @50: he's insane lol, it's flattering and dumbfounding at the same time.

    Confusion everyone, I have been preplanning... I called to see about available dates with the photog (who is like an awesome friend and does great work) and the bed and breakfast (rosemound gardens) both were available for most days in march (including my mom and stepdad's anniversary.. oh i would so love to get married on march 6 which falls on a saturday next year!!) i mentioned it to M and of course he was like oh.. and then i was like just tell me it won't happen this year and i can stop preplanning but it's very nerve wrecking thinking i'll have to dive into planning if it does.  just let me know something.  ummm he didn't respond at all.  and changed the subject. i mean wtf?!

     
    25.
    Member
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    HoneyBear     Texas

    Oh my gosh! Well maybe he doesnt want to tell you when its going to happen because he wants to surprise you. If he told you it would be this year, then you would know when it would be happening.

     

     
    26.
    Member
    1,837 posts
    Buzzing bee
    His Barista   09/04/2010  Portland, OR

    Boys are silly. I totally feel you on the frustration. lol.

     
    27.
    Member
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    HoneyBear     Texas

    Well if it makes you feel any better, my BF was on the phone last night with his brother and he was asking him when he was going to come visit us. His brother said 2012, and my BF was like...oh good that will be right around the time for the wedding. 

    In my mind i was like....what??? fail. lol

     
    28.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @honeybear:  i suppose. i am actually a tad bit relaxed now that i know what dates are available and that i wouldn't scramble for the two most important things.  everything else is very minimal and easy.. if he asks this year i think it would be around christmas or new years eve (because he wants a feb or march wedding so that we can honeymoon in the carribean) and that is enough time for him to plan the honeymoon and me to rush into the planning... now a dress may suck... i don't think i'd be able to get the one i'd want, you know but oh well... there is that used one that i went crazy over a few weeks ago so we'll see lol... hey the dress that i want could be able to be delivered in eight weeks, who knows, you know?  2012? at least that gives you a time frame!! maybe he thinks it will take you two years to plan?

    @HB: this one is so silly that it is now comical!

     
    29.
    Member Icon
    Member
    180 posts
    Blushing bee
    MsMamaBear     Atlanta

    Your friend was trying to strike a nerve. Not that you dated him, but I used to date a guy like that. I had to change my number because of him. Always got something negative to say.

    Yeah, I think your SO was meaning his friend moves in with women and it doesn't mean a thing, unlike with y'all, it will mean marriage.

     
    30.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @msmamabear: i swear i don't get it with my friend, well i do, he's over protective but it's like seriously wow... and i hear ya on M's statement, i think he's still being a hypocrite lol... but i suppose he sees us with a future where as his friend is just doing this to do it. 

     
    31.
    Member
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    HoneyBear     Texas

    @crebre- Hmmm...maybe. I guess guys really dont know how long it takes. Still a bit of a blow to my ego lol. I really thought it would happen soon. Oh well.

     
    32.
    Member
    1,645 posts
    Bumble bee
    CorgiTales   Winter 2010/2011?  Columbus, Ohio

    Okay #1.... you post the best pics/cartoons on WB. I wish there were random awards we could give out to ppl like hs bc yours would totally be best cartoon finder and poster haha. 

    Maybe M sees his friend differently because he knows he is going to marry you? Like... it isn't just living with you, it is living with you until you're married? Either that or guys are just dumb. Equally likely ;) 

     
    33.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @honeybear: do you think by any means that he knew you were eaves dropping and was trying to throw you off?

    @corgs: bugs will accept the award on my behalf

    and that statement makes sense about M... but um he should tell me yes baby we will be getting engaged this year so that i can go ahead and totally plan or no baby, it won't happen until next year and then i can relax. i am so on edge right now.  the problem with me getting engaged next year is i still don't know when and what if i take clients from feb-march? march is a hot time to get married because the weather is finally breaking and i wouldn't get married before the 14th in february because flowers are too expensive.  and he knows i want a shorter engagement so i'm pretty sure he wouldn't do it like on my birthday because that puts us at about an eight month engagement and gives me too much time to change my mind. i really would prefer like a five month engagement perhaps six.  i guess everything is dependent upon him popping the question and he's just taking so flipping long you know?

     
    34.
    Member
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    HoneyBear     Texas

    Yeah, its really annoying not having control over this issue, I guess im starting to get used to it lol. I think maybe you should sit down and have a serious talk with him about your concerns. Everything you are saying is legit, I mean it is YOUR life. 

    as far as the other thing goes, i guess he knew i was listening and trying to throw me off. But thats sooooo mean to say its sooner than what it would actually be ya know???

     
    35.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @honeybear: lol we've talked, that isn't the issue with him. the issue is he knows i'm a control freak and he is a control freak and he wants total control over this because he knows once it is done it's my turn (bwa ha ha ha)... and he doesn't even like the fact that i know that he's thinking about it because he wants it to be a complete and total surprise.

     
    36.
    Member
    1,002 posts
    Bumble bee
    lilyfaith   6/24/2012  Lakeview, Chicago

    Power struggle! Haha, love the mad scientist. 

    I think R bumps off the "official proposal" every time I sweetly ask how the payments are coming along. *Sigh* perhaps I need to lay off of that...

     
    37.
    Member
    3,392 posts
    Sugar bee
    RecessionistaBride   July 10, 2010  

    I can't believe I missed this thread! Your posts always make me giggle. You have such a fun attitude & personality...

    Oh crebre... give me your address!!!!!! I'll knock some sense into him :) Actually, BOTH of them!

     
    38.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @lily: he is like me with a yee-haw ;).... we are sooo much alike.  i know it drives him crazy that i know, but it's like omg seriously if my favorite sites are booked i will kill him. however the vendors know which date i am thinking... he knows which date i am thinking so we'll see lol...

    @RB: i'm insane lol!! M would say ocd, i agree. are you in on the christmas card exchange? you'd totally get my addy then lol!!!

    he's at the club tonight (it's his good nigh) i was lazy and ordered pizza.. my allergies are acting up... i worked out a prelim budget. i think we'll be hardpressed to spend over 5000!!  but our guest list will be small, like less than 75... i will invite my entire family though, just not send out an std so i won't get any hurt feelings when they can't come (mean, but hey not my fault)... M only wants to invite like 30 or so folks from his side (his fam is a lot smaller) i'll be inviting about 100 or more but expecting more than half to not show... actually i think only about 30ish folks will be able to make the trip and on m's side perhaps 20 or so... perfect intimate relaxed and casual just like us lol...

     
    39.
    Member
    3,392 posts
    Sugar bee
    RecessionistaBride   July 10, 2010  

    @diva extraordinaire: I AM on the Christmas list... woo woo! M is gonna get a swift kick in the... JUST KIDDING! lol :)

     
    40.
    Member
    4,712 posts
    Honey bee
    crebre80     Baton Rouge, LA

    @RB: LMAO!!

    So this morning I woke up at about 4:30 and went to put his jumpsuit in the dryer (he has to wear one at work and he washes it every day).  Well I got back in the bed and snuggled against him and was fast asleep until the alarm clock went off 30 minutes later. I woke him up and he asked if I put his jumpsuit in the dryer and I said yeah, I did about 30 minutes ago and then we snuggled and I said I love you so much and he said Why (which is my catch phrase) I told him because I picked you out when I was 7. Lol!!! But I thought to myself I have about 200 reasons why so far... lol!!!

    Does any one else try to decipher every single thing that is ever said wondering if there's some hidden clue? I swear I feel like I am in one of Dan Brown's novels...

     

    Reply »

    You must log in to post.





    Visit our sister sites Project Wedding
    Wedding Songs
    eHarmony Advice
    Dating Advice
    JustMommies
    Pregnancy Calendar
    Fertile Thoughts
    Infertility Support
    Copyright 2004-2009, eHarmony, Inc.
     


    Sponsors
    Local Boards


    Find RegistryFind RegistryFind Registry

    More
    User Posts Today
    MissAsB 45
    KMSull 36
    fiftyfootbride 32
    hisbunny 29
    lilyfaith 26
    daniellemybelle 15
    Jaxx317 11
    luli29 10
    Ember78 6
    daydreamwanderer 6

    Waiting

    User Posts Today
    bellenga 3
    crebre80 2
    Jaxx317 2
    nurselindsey 1
    mimi7 1

    More