Post # 1
So within the last few weeks I’ve had some serious Future Mother-In-Law issues filter down to me. View http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/more-fmil-issues-any-advice-is-appreciated
I brought up premarital counseling, but prior to doing so had some quiet discussions with a couple of my family members who agreed it was possible this change was a result of engagement talk. Perhaps Future Mother-In-Law was upset and it manifests like this.
Well, I asked Mr. Tacos about premarital counseling and the above quote was his response. He said we’re absolutely fine, I was overanalyzing everything, he knows his mother is irrational and he should have never said anything.
But still. I have no faith the engagement will be soon… because he told me it would be a VERY long time from now.
Ugh, really? Could this really be the reason I am suddenly not good enough for FMIL?
Post # 3
you know what, I think you should just be you. If Fiance wants to to spend time with his family, do it WITH him. Do not be at the beck and call of his family, as you are not that way for your family. I would also spend more time with friends/doing things I enjoy. Get your brain off this craziness for awhile!
Post # 4
Yea get your mind off of this. You’re in a whirlwind right now and I think you really need a breather. Otherwise, you’re gonna let this this situation drive you crazy.
Post # 5
your boyfriend needs to stick up for you!!! my fiance would NEVER let his mother get away with acting crazy and making me feel bad. it sounds like you have done absolutely nothing wrong and she is being irrational. this is NOT your issue to solve- your bf needs to make it clear that he will not tolerate his mother acting like that towards you. if he doesn’t stick up for you now- he never will. GOOD LUCK
Post # 6
Tell him he’s ruining your relationship by letting mommy meddle too much!!!
Seriously. Maybe he thinks that he can just keep doing this and you’ll still say “yes” when in reality, you’ll hit a certain point where you’ll seriously consider saying ‘yes’ based on his previous actions with his mom.
Besides not saying anything, he should’ve just told his mom to knock it off. If he knows his mom is irrational, why is he trying so hard to appease her with you?
Post # 7
Whoa, that is a high maintenance mama. I can’t imagine MNbf’s mom expecting me to call her on her birthday (and we’ve been dating for pushing 2 years) or complaining that I don’t help out enough when I’m at her house (and I’m a lazy wench). I have to believe there’s either 1) some OTHER reason she isn’t taking a shine to you and she’s using these things to express that, or 2) she’s just a beeyatch.
Either way, doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t engage with her directly about it. She isn’t your mom (that’s the mom who’s YOUR problem to deal with); she’s boyfriend’s mom. When boyfriend’s mom is being out of line, BOYFRIEND should call her out and rein her in. I’d have a talk with boyfriend. (“I feel uncomfortable when your mom has these expectations of me and I don’t feel those kind of expectations are valid given the state of our relationship right now”, etc.) Even if he thinks your mom is right about all this (yikes), that’s something you at least would want to know about him.
Post # 8
Er, how is you being upset and hurt = everything is alright?
Post # 9
I agree in that you might need to have a sit down with your Boyfriend or Best Friend to let him know that his MOM is ruining your engagment, not you!
Post # 10
okay… Because my mother is actually very much like Mr. Taco’s mother, I have a bit of insight and advice. He is in a tough spot right now… because I’m sure his mother is just nit-picking. My mother does this whenever one thing pisses her off… she lets it snowball and just tries to find other things wrong. He needs to stand up to his mom in a way that’s not going to come off as defensive. That only pisses my mom off more… He also needs to make it very clear that whether she likes it or not, you are in his life and that’s how it’s going to be.
As for what you can do… kill her with kindness. No matter how bitchy she may get (which I’m sure she won’t be to your face, she will use your Boyfriend or Best Friend as the messenger, which also sucks). Just continue to be the good person that you seem to be and be extra sweet. She can’t be a bitch if all you’re being is nice because it will really make her seem like the bad guy. I know you’ve probably heard all of this before… but with my mom this is what tends to work. Hope everything works out for the best! **HUGS**