Writer husband can't/won't write. *Long*

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@missRAV:  Sorry to hear about your frustrations.  I know that it must be hard to sit by helplessly while your DH is going through a bit of a funk. 

I wonder if maybe you can suggest to him that instead of taking on a book, maybe he can try and write articles for a local magazine or newspaper.  Or maybe write something/create a personal blog.  Something that he can create excitement around his name and who he is, so that he can build up the confidence to write YA novels again.

Or you could suggest that he connects with an old teacher or writer buddy?  Someone he can talk to about this?


I also think maybe it could be helpful to take a step back and let him figure it out after you make a suggestion.  He’s probably feeling pressured about this and even if you bring it up as his cheerleader, it probably adds to the pressure as well.

Post # 4
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree–start small with a Tumblr blog and work his way up!

Post # 5
5812 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@missRAV:  Most areas have a writers group.  Try to help him find a group of like minded people he can bounce ideas off of. I would also try to find some stories about famous people (especilly authors) that had major failures/rejections and how they overcame it.

Post # 6
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

He could try self publishing on kindle? He will get a lot of honest reviews, particularly if he prices it as free initially

Its hard to judge the talent of a loved one but a lot of famous authors did get rejected multiple times. Joining a creative writing group might be wn idea too

Post # 7
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

How critical is it for him to get an MFA? Would it truly advance his career, or do you think it would re-inspire him? It might not, and might actually make things worse. Graduate school is very stressful and demoralizing for almost everyone I know. It feels great to graduate, but he already has an MA. He’s also already done something amazing in finishing his novel, but then no one published it. One of the things that gets people to write is the dream of other people reading their works. I suggest he self-publish and promote his novel as an ebook. Surely it is harder to write new books when he has this novel sitting around being read by no one. He must be afraid of putting months of work into something that could be rejected. So screw the publishers. Put it on Kindle, promote it through facebook, twitter, and goodreads to everyone you know, and he can at least have the satisfaction that his book got read. One of my friends’ husbands published that way, and I would never have read his books if I hadn’t been able to buy it as an ebook, because the publishers weren’t into spy novels that year, or whatever. I think he may be more excited about writing with an audience.

Don’t let yourself be intimidated by TV and movie characters. Those characters are exaggerations. Whether or not your husband writes and publishes, he will have times of frustration and self-doubt, because those are normal things for a grown-up to feel. When we are kids, we think not only will we be great writers, we will easily get published, get the Pulitzer, go on Oprah, and make as much money as JK Rowling. The reality is, your husband did something very few people ever manage to do, but even though he finished his novel, he didn’t get the rewards of recognized authorship. If your husband can rejuvenate his joy in writing again, that would be fantastic. However, maybe he could find a different creative outlet or hobby for a set amount of time. To me, it sounds like he is so fixated on his writing and is putting so much pressure on himself, that he feels like a total failure if he isn’t writing. I think he needs to find ways to feel successful aside from writing. He is a writer, but that’s not all he is. 

Post # 8
4878 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

He sounds depressed to me.  I suspect that until the depression is treated, the spark isn’t going to come back and not much else will work.

I would encourage him to deal with the underlying depression first.

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