- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Hi everyone, I’m really sorry that this is such a long post, but I’ve been ridiculously upset for ages now about wedding planning, and I’m having a hard time explaining it to my fiance without crying, so I’m gonna try writing it down for him….
I’m really sorry that I’ve let all this wedding crap get to me. Normally I couldn’t care less about weddings (not even [my brother’s]), so it was a bit of a shock when I started to care about ours and wanted to be able to organise it ourselves. Like I was saying yesterday, my ideal wedding would be a casual, laidback event – I just want us to be able to enjoy the day and have fun without the stress and expenses that everyone else normally seems to go through.
I think the biggest thing that’s been upsetting me is that I feel so ashamed that I’ve got no control over my own wedding. Even though I’m not like [friend] and I haven’t planned my wedding day since I was 5, I’ve always figured that I’d get a say in a little more than who my bridesmaids are.
Getting married the way your parents want us to, in your uncle’s restaurant, in your family’s hometown, wearing your mum’s tiara, taking your last name, with your family insisting on paying for half…it really doesn’t leave any room for my family to be involved in the way I would like them to be. I honestly feel like a prized possession that your family want to show off on what is supposed to be our day. I understand that they’re happy for us, and you’re their oldest son (hell, they only get to have two children get married!), and they want to be as involved as possible, but I really don’t think I can stand this much involvement.
I’ve been feeling that I don’t even want to invite anyone from my side of the family (except maybe my immediate family), because I feel like such a possession, that I don’t think I could stand having any of my family or friends there to witness how humiliating it is. And this is going to sound really stupid, but I hate that [friend] is already planning her wedding (without any issues from her parents or in-laws) and, while I love her to bits, she is so ridiculously competitive that she will compare everything she does to what we do. I would love for our wedding to be as different to hers as possible so there are no grounds for comparison. I would love for our wedding to be personalised to us – the kind where it’s our day, and clearly not anyone else’s – even if that means decorating everything with rabbits, or Mario kart or whatever.
I hate that this is basically going to be someone else’s wedding, and I’m horrified at the thought of telling my mum this, because she was forced to have a wedding that she didn’t want, so has been telling me from the start to just do whatever we want to do (even if that means eloping, or just getting married in a courthouse and never having a reception). I know that mum will be gutted that I’m not going to be planning my own wedding, or even enjoying it! I feel it’s so ridiculously unfair that it’s normally the bride’s family who is super-involved, while this time the wedding planning all seems to revolve around what is convenient for your family and what they would prefer.
All I want is to marry you. Not your family – this is supposed to be a celebration of us becoming our own family. I want our wedding to be a reflection of that – not me joining your family, or you joining mine, but both of us taking the parts of our families that we love and making a new one.