Wrong Guy? Feedback Please? :/

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2726 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@newleywed021987:  You have spent too much of your life trying to please other people and not yourself. I would leave before there are children involved, you had doubts all along and it doesn’t sound like there is anything in the situation that will ever make you happy.

Post # 4
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@newleywed021987:  Part of my family is really conservative and religious.  I had the most difficult time telling them about my divorce because I felt judged by them for it.  They seemed to be more understanding once I explained one of the biggest issues in that marriage was that I wanted kids and he changed his mind to not wanting kids after we got married.  Since the Bible is big on procreating within a marriage, refusing to procreate is one of the few acceptable reasons to divorce your spouse.

It sounds like you’re done with this marriage and you’re just worried about dealing with the fallout and embarassment of divorce.  Divorce sucks and it’s definitely embarassing.  You can rip the bndaid off by coming clean with your husband.  Or when the next Fortune 50 company comes courting, accept the job and move without your husband.  Once you are away, file the divorce papers and let him deal with the majority of the fallout.

Post # 5
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

“I’m truly terrified that I married the wrong person.”

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/wrong-guy-feedback-please#ixzz2pC80ORFr

I’m going to stop you right there, though I will read the rest in a min. It doesn’t matter. You have a husband now. You don’t get to go back and change your mind. You can choose to love and commit each day and honor your vows and build your relationship up, or you can choose to give up, marry again, and have an even higher percent chance of divorce. For better or for worse, you’re married.

ETA: I also have a question. Was another man part of this eye-opening revelation about happiness that you have had? Plenty of people on these boards will tell you to do what you feel makes you happy, but you’re not going to get that from me.

 

Post # 6
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@beachbride1216:  “Or when the next Fortune 50 company comes courting, accept the job and move without your husband.  Once you are away, file the divorce papers and let him deal with the majority of the fallout.”

 
Seriously? Running scared from the repercussions of a major life decision and throwing it all on the shoulders of the other spouse doesn’t exactly scream adult nor does it help the person doing it grow and mature.

Post # 7
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@nycsa:  +1

You made a BIG mistake, you should have never married him but that does not meen you should suffer for the rest of your life.  You have to really sit and question whether you will ever be happy in this marriage.  Yes marriage is important and you should do your best to save it but your happiness is also extremely important.  If one spouse is this unhappy then the marriage will probably never be healthy and then your husband will become unhappy and then you have two  people stuck in a marriage that doesn’t make them happy.  Maybe try councling but it sounds like you already have your mind made up and just looking for the courage to tell everyone what you want.  Rip of the bandaid and move on with your life. 

Post # 8
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@MsW-to-MrsM:  It’s supposed to be ridiculous!  If she could even consider doing that then she knows she really wants to divorce the guy.

Post # 10
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@newleywed021987:  I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself in such a hard situation. BUT, you realized it before you had kids!

So there’s no one that is really going to hurt in this divorce, especially if you plan on giving him the house. I nearly married a rebound relationship once. It’s easier than it sounds!

So I’d go ahead, get divorced, chase your big, wonderful Fortune 500 career (congrats on being that talented, by the way!)and enjoy life for a good long while. No one wins if you stay in a loveless marriage.

Post # 11
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Well it sounds like you weren’t true to yourself before you got married, and I understand that you didn’t want to cause a big fuss, but guess what these things don’t go away and only get worse over time. So I think you’re lucky that you have no kids yet. 

It’s really best to be honest with yourself and everyone else, whatever judgement you’ll endure. You know what is best for yourself deep down! 

Just a thought, but have you considered if your husband is happy? With what you described about no intimacy and not fitting well maybe he is feeling the same way? Maybe you could discuss it with him?

Post # 14
Member
11002 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I want to begin by saying that I am very sorry about the struggle that you’re experiencing, and that I definitely can empathize with some of the hurt and disappointment you must be feeling.

Since you mentioned in your post that you and your husband are both very religious, and had religious upbringings, I’m going to take a very different approach than most bees likely will take in responding to your situation.

You didn’t specifically say that you are a Christian, but, if you are, then you likely are familiar with the fact that Christianity isn’t about Christ followers advancing their own, independent agendas or pursuing their own happiness when doing so would conflict with God’s Word.  Rather, Christianity is based on Christians fully surrendering their lives to Christ, submitting themselves to God’s plan and will for their lives, and obeying God’s commands, even when doing that is very difficult and comes at a great cost. 

Unfortunately, there are many, many, many people who are going to tell that you made a terrible mistake and that you have every right — and even a responsiblity — to end you disappointing marriage now and to pursue happiness on your own terms.  They may even argue that your husband deserves his own chance at happiness apart from this marriage. However, Scripture does not support or validate that point of view.  In fact, the counsel found in God’s Word is completely opposite of what the world would tell you.

We know that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and that Scripture permits it only under very specific circumstances.  We also know that God’s plan is for marriage to last as long as you both shall live.

God desires for you and your husband to have a joyous, fulfilling, and lasting marriage, and He has set forth in His Word a number of principles to help you achieve that goal.  However, you need to be willing to submit to His will, and to choose His plan, even when doing so conflicts with what you’re feeling and what others’ voices may be telling you to do. 

There are many helpful resources out there that can help you. I highly recommend familylife.com and the “Weekend To Remember” marriage conference events as well as John and Stasi Eldridge’s Randsomed Heart Ministries (randsomedheart.com).  Their book Love & War was tremendously helpful to my husband and me as we struggled early on in our marriage to merge our very different lives together.

I strongly encourage you not to give up on your marriage but to pursue God’s answers to your questions, hurts, and fears.  He is faithful, and He is more than able to heal the broken places in your heart.

If you ever want to chat by PM, I would be more than happy to talk with you further. HUGS!

Post # 16
Member
4468 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@newleywed021987:  Everyone deserves to be happy- follow your heart and I wish the very best to you. Your DH will be grateful in the long run that you were honest and had his best interests at heart as well.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors