Wrong to want to be able to contact him?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Hm… this is a really tough one…

On one hand, I do believe that if he really wants to take on the roll of father, he should be available for baby-related emergency communications 24/7.

On the other, if you’re not in a relationship with him, it’s difficult to police him on his own time. I’m not sure you have the right to get mad at him, because he is not your SO and he doesn’t need to make himself available to you all the time, especially if it’s just for “check-in” type calls.

In the end, I think he will make himself as available as he wants to be. You can’t force him to keep his phone on. If he wants to risk missing the birth of his child, there’s not a ton you can do about it.

I still think it’s shitty, but I’m not sure what the resolution is….

Post # 4
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Are you guys currently in a retlationship or in the “off again” stage?

Post # 5
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Well I would hope that when you are closer to going into labor he’ll be more receptive to leaving his phone on. I just think that right now since the baby isn’t even close to being here, he’s more concerned with unplugging and getting sleep. 

Post # 7
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is a tough one, since you guys aren’t really in a relationship with each other (at least, that’s the impression that I got … ?). I would absolutely 100000% expect my DH to answer  his phone no matter what time I call, not just as the baby’s father but more so as my husband — in other words, he is obligated to the baby, sure, but he’s also really obligated to ME.

I’m not sure what I would think the “rules” are for a man who is the baby’s father, but doesn’t necessarily have any particular obligation to YOU. Given your situation, it might be smart to try and branch out your options a little bit in terms of who you can call if you’re in trouble. Parents, siblings, etc. But most important is to really get on the same page with your Baby Daddy about what the expectations are. If he doesn’t plan on being available 24/7, then there isn’t really anything you can do to force him to be. Which really sucks Frown But if that’s the case, it’s better to know about it and prepare for it now rather than be surprised and let down later.

Post # 8
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would think it’s reasonable to keep your phone on until 10pm

Post # 10
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I think you guys need to define some clear boundaries of what you are and are not, for everyone’s sake, but especially for your sake.  My friend was in a similar situation when pregnant and it was terribly stressful for her and ultimately ended absolutely horribly for her and baby.

Post # 12
Member
1389 posts
Bumble bee

You may call him your boyfriend but he definately isn’t thinking about you as his girlfriend.  IMO he does not need to be available 24/7 until the baby is born.  And even then, it is a gray area. 

Post # 13
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think there’s a compromise in there somewhere.  There are phones that can go on vibrate unless a certain number calls, can not alert you to email (who does that anyway?), etc.  Or maybe even and old-school pager can just alert him when YOU need him and no one else can bother him so he can turn his phone off. 

I do think it’s a weird grey area where he doesn’t really have an obligation to take your calls, but still seems to want to be in the know.  It’s obviously part of a larger issue that you’ll have to continue to work out as your pregnancy progresses.  Best of luck to all of you!

Post # 14
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

This might be a dumb suggestion, but what if he got another phone that he keeps on and charged all the time just for you. Around here you can get a $12 trac fone and put an hour of talk time on it for $20. Then he e wouldn’t get e-mails/texts/calls late at night unless it’s you with an emergency.

Post # 15
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@needyourthoughts:  if you wake up bleeding at 2 am, it will your responsibility to get yourself medical help. Sure, you can call him to let him know. But, I don’t think you can expect him to be available.  At that point, there is nothing he can do for the BABY.  Sure, he can be there for you if he chooses, but isn’t obligated to be since you aren’;t together.

 

Now, if you call him at 2 am because seomthing terrible has happened to your child, I think you can more reasonably expect in that situation that he make himself available.  But, even then honestly it’s a gray area.

Unfortunately, these are the things you have to learn to deal with and compromise on when you have a child outside of a stable relationship.I do suggest working out how all of this will work with him before baby comes though so you can provide a stable situation to baby from the beginning.

 

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