posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1232 posts
Bumble bee

This is crazy! 😮 I don’t think you can prevent them from sending in the license.  Once it’s done, they must send it in (kind of like the post office: once submitted it cannot be taken back). I wish you the best. I hope you make the right choice. 

Post # 3
2131 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That is really bizarre that he didn’t tell his mother that you were getting married, but it is equally bizarre that your solution is to have a fake wedding/marriage…

It is clear you two have issues in your relationship and if you cannot resolve them as a couple then you shouldn’t be together. I know it’s a lot of pressure to keep up the charade when your family has invested in attending, but you simply cannot. It’s deceitful and no one will benefit from it. If you do break off the relationship and your family cannot get refunds then maybe you all should just go on a family vacation together to Vegas. That might be a good way to clear your head and move on from that toxic relationship! Good luck!

Post # 4
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017


MissHarleyBlue:  wait whaaaaat!!!!! I would honestly be demanding answers immediately. I would also be making him hold my hand and walk me into his family’s house and tell people we are getting married. Im no one’s secret damn it. I would be livid. Im so sorry you are dealing with this OP!!!

Post # 5
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Well.. you better resolve this quickly, then.

Just remember that wasted airfare is a million times better than the cost of a divorce. Even if you have to pay your family back, it’s much cheaper.

Not saying you need to call the whole relationship off, but I’d seriously re-evaluate where you fit in his life. And the idea that you want to add even more deception by not mailing the license in or whatever is just stupid. Either you’re married or you’re not. Like PP said, they will have an obligation to mail it in.

Hopefully this is just some big, weird misunderstanding… but all I know is that I would not marry someone I couldn’t trust, and it doesn’t sound like you can trust this guy.

Best of luck to you!

Post # 6
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017


SunflowerGarden:  I second this,

keeping a wedding going simply so people dont’ lose money is crazy. Sure it sucks to lose money, but your family should be more worried about whether or not you should actually be marryng someone who won’t tell his own family he’s marrying you. If you can’t get the money back, then for sure you should just make it a family vacation instead so they still get the trip.


Post # 7
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - The Meeting House/DoubleTree by Hilton

As frustrating as it is for people to spend money on a wedding that you’re not having, it is better for you to resolve things with your fiance before moving forward! Getting married and then divorced will just cause more money and hurt. Have a clear, calm conversation with him tonight before you do anything else and make sure you guys are on the same page. You can always have an amazing vacation with your mom and brother or they can try to use their flights for other things. As much as losing money sucks, no one wants to see their loved one in a bad situation (like getting married even though you have doubts). 

Post # 8
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Whoa! I guess I’ll be interested to see what your fiance says, but at this point it seems totally unacceptable. Why won’t he tell you where holidays are happening? That’s ridiculous. Unelss he has some fantastic explanations for this I wouldn’t let place tickets stop you from canceling the wedding. I agree with PP – just do a family trip to Vegas! 

Post # 9
4649 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MissHarleyBlue:  Like a PP said, demand answers STAT. Course, can you trust the answers? And he’s done stuff like this before? Have you met the family?? That is just way too weird. I know your family might lose out some $$ on tickets, but better that than marry someone who is going to cause you pain. Take it from one who has suffered greatly. I’m so sorry, no one deserves that. You go to Vegas with your mom and bro and live it up! Start a new chapter!

Post # 11
4638 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m about 100% your family cares more for your happiness than a few hundred dollars. Hell, go on vacation with THEM.

He sounds incredibly shady. Personally if I found myself in this situation I’d dump him.. he should be proud to show you off to his family and should be beaming to announce you’re getting married.

Post # 12
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010


MissHarleyBlue:  Your Mom having bought tickets is no reason to bind yourself to a man who lies to you and apparently has something to hide.  Your Mom and Brother can have a nice Vegas vacation or cancel their tickets and use the credit for some other trip.  Refund their money if you have too but don’t go through with a wedding for such an inconsequential reason. 

Post # 13
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I just read your other post where you bought your own engagement ring?

At first I thought your FI has a bad relationship with his mother and didn’t want her to attend the wedding, but it seems like this is part of a larger pattern of behaviour where your FI acts irresponsibly and seems unmotivated when it comes to your relationship.  Either he just can’t be bothered or he’s deliberately dragging his feet- neither of which are good signs.  

A lot of women think that marriage will fix what’s wrong in their relationship. It won’t.  These behaviors will persist- are you sure you can live with that? 

Post # 14
45 posts
  • Wedding: July 2014 - The Florian Gardens

I feel so awful for you. This is terrible, you should never be kept secret from your in-laws. I would demand answers immediatly. I agree with everyone else that a cost of a plane ticket is way cheaper than the cost of a divorce. Be honest with your family, they want only the best for you and if you have to cancel, then just go on a fabulous vacay with them!

Post # 15
11614 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Run.  Lying, and lying by omission, are big red flags for me.  Why wouldn’t he tell his family he’s getting married?  Why would he lie and say he told her about the logistics?  Run, run far, run fast.

It’s a whole lot cheaper to cancel the wedding than it is to get a divorce down the road. 

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