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Whoa!!! Not bridezilla at all -- I just can't imagine, and I can't believe the photographer let her do that! What does your FI say? My only piece of advice is to have your FI deal with it, if you can; that way, you keep from getting in the middle of all the drama as much as possible.
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I would call the photog yourself, apologize for the crazy MIL (I'm sure vendors deal with them all the time!) and ask him to not worry about her stuff and have him tell her, if she calls again, that he needs to concentrate on the WEDDING PHOTOS he was paid to take before he can get around to hers.
But I am a wuss and tend to take the passive-aggressive approach rather than direct, so I'm sure having your hubby talk to her directly is the correct, grown up way to handle it. :)
Congratulations, btw!!
Yeah, I would also be pretty frustrated with the photographer! You'd think they would have come up with some way to say, "I think I should be getting back to some of the other party members now..." Definitely infuriating!!
I'll second amysue. What she did was pretty ridiculous but stay out of it and let your husband (yay!) handle everything.
Good luck and of course, congratulations on getting married!!
I hope you can find humor in her vanity. I would be seriously pissed off if I were you. But honestly...I did laugh at her ridiculousness. What does your husband say?
First of all, congrats on your wedding!
Now, on to the nitty gritty. I am amazed that your MIL would do such a thing! And I'm equally amazed that your photographer didn't just take a couple of pics and say "Ok, now back to the bride and groom, the FOCUS of this wedding." That was extremely inconsiderate and rude. Your reaction is completely understandable. As for what to do about it now, I agree with amysue. Let your hubby be the one to talk with his mother. Talk with hubby beforehand about why you are so upset so that he can explain the issue to his mother.
I might also suggest talking to your photographer and finding out just how many photos he took of your MIL. If he spent a significant amount of time taking those photos, then you may just want to ask for some sort of refund or extra prints or something since you paid your photog to take photos of your wedding day, not to hold a private session with your MIL. And depending on how many photos he took of your MIL, have him edit just one or two to include with your entire photo package, and let the rest just disappear. If your MIL wants those photos, she'll have to ask you for them. After all, YOU paid the photographer. Not her.
Wow! I almost had that situation at our wedding.
My mom took charge of the shot list and it was mostly family portraits of cousins I hadn't seen in years. I said if either my husband or myself weren't in the formal posed shot, it shouldn't be taken. Candids we were cool with. This wasn't a family reunion, it was our wedding :)
Wow, the nerve! I can't believe she stole your photog! He should have had the mind to say something though, or refuse, and capture your moments instead. YOU paid for him, so neither of them were doing what they were supposed to be. I'm curious to hear what happens after your husband talks to her, maybe you can ask her for some $$ at least since she stole some of your time, no that it makes up for the lost photo ops.
Wow, I'd be ticked too. I certainly can understand you being angry with your MIL. She should have had better sense than that. the photographer was supposed to be focusing on you and however you wanted to day to go. And to not have those pictures of your family because of that.
However, I think honestly, in this particular situation, I would be more upset with your photographer. He should have known better. You are the one paying him, as you said, so he should be answering to you, not getting sucked in by her, even if she was offering him money. I would be laying into him a bit, that "for whatever reason" he missed some shots of you because he was "MIA".
I don't know what this means about your MIL. Is this new stuff for her? In the future, you and your husband can come up with a game plan. She caught you on a day you were pretty compromised. You were too tied up to police her. (Whether or not that was on purpose, I couldn't tell you.) But, I think if something like that happens again, your hubby can better brace himself to deal with the situation.
Plain and simple, you hired the photographer to take the pictures you wanted for your wedding day.....if she prevented you getting pictures that you wanted she is in the wrong. You can't go back and get the pictures you missed because she was playing dress up. I would talk to her about it....nicely and tell her what happened as a result of her stepping out of line. I would say that if you get things out in the open now, there will not be a problem later with her controling situations where she has no right. Also I would contact the photographer and tell him the issue. He was not hired to take her pictures....he was hired to take your wedding photos. Granted if he can get more money for taking her pictures why wouldn't he? I don't think he is to blame, MIL probably doesn't know you have an issue with it like you do. I would just talk to her about it.....again, in a nice way. I don't blame you for being upset, but I would take a second to gather your thoughts, cool off and collect yourself and approach it in a mature and calm manner. Also, if she is trying to include her photos in your wedding package...you can probably prevent them from being purchased. You don't have to get the prints if you don't want them.
Good Luck.
OMG! I would have to be calling the photographer! I would avoid calling you MIL just so there is no more DRAMA. If anyone should contact your MIL it should be your husband since that's his mom. Wow! I would be totally upset it was your day and you payed the photographer to shoot a wedding not your MIL!
So sorry I hope that you can resolve this!
Was the photographer clear about who was paying his fee? If not, it may explain the reason he felt that it was okay to devote some time to your MIL.
With that said, I'm of the opinion that it would be best to start off your marriage by having a frank discussion with your mother-in-law. You and your husband should present a united front and let her know that you are disappointed that you missed out on the chance to have important photos made. You can't control her actions or her reactions to this discussion, but you can present the fact that you're upset about it.
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Like the others -- I just think your MIL sounds totally bonkers for doing that... but your photographer should have known better! Why would it have ever been acceptable to disappear when there were still important pics to be taken?
You and your FI should talk to her about it, but I'd call the photographer first.
Ouch! I would looooose it! You'ree not being a bridezilla AT ALL! your MIL is CRAZY! ha ha
Don't even both to talk to the MIL..just got strait to the photog
Tell him that you are the client..not her. He is not to give her any pictures or do any rush work for her. Next time she calls him..let HIM be the one to have to tell her that he cannot help her as she is not his client.
holy crap that's crazy. i don't even know what i would say!! I think while I sorta argree you don't want more drama with your MIL, at the same time you don't want to begin your marriage like this. definitely enlist your hubby and sit down with her, and definitely call the photographer! shame on him!
oh my goodness! Congrats on your wedding, SHAME ON THEM! Ugh. I actually was planning on talking to my photog beforehand about doing minimal family shots but mostly of my hubby and I because that's what's important. We have 3 photogs that day....the other photogs can do distant family pics as far as I am concerned.
1) good that your hubby is going to call the FMIL.
2) tell your photographer to ignore her. she should not be harassing your photog.
3) tell the photog you are upset that you missed so many family shots because he was taking pics of her and now you don't have pics of YOUR family and see if he could come take some for you. It's wrong that this happened. Make sure he knows you are upset, otherwise he's just like "whatever i got your money!"
How much time are we talking, like 15 minutes or like an hour? Either way, the focus should have been on you guys. Maybe your photographer can charge HER for her portrait session!
Grr. Sorry my ideas suck, i just want to sympathize with you!
WOW. OK well let's start off positively - Congrats on your marriage!
Now on to the tougher stuff. I really think that what your MIL did was just oh so very wrong. Also your photog was somewhat in the wrong as well. While I do agree that there may have been some uncertainty on his part as to who exactly was footing the bill, you really would have to be a complete moron to be a WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER and not realize that you should be shooting a gazillion photos of the BRIDE and GROOM, not solo shots of the groom's mother. I mean, really. That's just ridiculous.
As for having a little chat with your MIL about this - I'm not sure. If it was me, I would probably chicken out and make my hubby do it. But there really is something to be said for the united front, though. You are husband and wife (!!!) now, and she should see that. If she's so selfish as to take that time and those memories away from you at your own wedding, I'd stand firm now and let her know that that kind of behavior is NOT going to be tolerated in the future.
Personally, I have it written in my contract with my photographer that no picture sessions are to take place without my approval. I have the time that candid shots are to be taken, but otherwise, our photgrapher answers only to me. It's pretty clear.
If I were you, I would double check your contract, and see if there is any part that states as such for your day. If that is the case, I would call the photographer and tell him that you are dissapointed in the service and ask for some sort of deal. Either a discount or package upgrade. As for MIL, her photos were not part of your contract, and the photographer should know better than to be manipulated like that. I hope she doesn't think that her photos will be courtesy of your contract with the photog. This obviously ruined a part of your day. The photog and MIL need to know that.
As far as not wanting to rock the boat, I totally get that. But if MIL is as manipulative and self serving in normal life as she was on this occasion, I think you need to set a precedent. Let her know that you are not to be walked on to accomodate her. There are definitely tactful ways of handling it.
Good luck! I hope things work out for you!
Ok, this may sound totally over the top, and I may be totally off on this. But just a forewarning for you, to save you countless hours of possible Google searches in the future. Your MIL sounds like she might, MIGHT have a personality disorder. Specifically, Borderline or Narcissism. Again, may be totally jumping the gun here. If this continues though and you are constantly ripping your hair out over some new craziness, it may be a good thing for you to know though...there are lots of great online communities that can give more specific guidance in how you would deal with someone like that (FYI, it's not the same way you would deal with a 'normal' person.)
first, congrats!
second... am I the only one that's a little curious to see the photos she was taking? Are we talking glamour shots or casual poses? And why does she want them in such a hurry? Hm... seems a little sketchy to me and I would be p.o.d
Here's a thought. Maybe she IS paying the photographer for the pictures he took of her, and he may have agreed to doing it during some 'down time'. Vendors carry their business cards everwhere they go, or maybe you told her who he was before the wedding or in the planning stages, and she called him and asked if she could make a personal arrangement with him. In the stress of the day are you sure he didn't disappear for just a few minutes?
We didn't get MANY special pictures we thought we were clear about with our photographer,but we survived. At my neice's wedding there are several of her with the groom's family,but none with our family as my Mother had a small accident and we were more worried about her than pictures. I'm sure when everything settles down and friends send you photos they've taken you'll have everything you wanted.
This woman will be in your life for many years. Please try and get over your anger and enjoy your married life! I promise you,in the scheme of things,this is one battle not worth fighting.
Good Luck!
Wanted to give you guys an update on this because I got the photos back this week...There are about 20 shots. Out of the 800 posted, I guess its not a big deal. But they are definitely glamour shots...her walking along the river, her in sunglasses, wtf? Looking at the pics just made me remember the anger...as I go through the pics, there are exactly ZERO pictures of me and my 75 year old granny. ZERO posed pictures of my mom, myself, and my dad...but there are TONS of pics of her and her ex-husband and my husband...Im sure she didnt realize that she was being a total narcisisst, but I am still so angry over the whole situation that I have not spoken to her since the wedding...
we're giving photo albums as wedding gifts. she has already called to make sure we include her glamour shots in the album...ummm....nope. Since I am just making the books using picasso, I believe I will be omitting those pictures from everything. She can spend $65 on a 8 x 10 if she wants those damn pictures...hmph...the nerve....
I'm glad to hear that you aren't putting the pics in photo album! Good for you! I wonder if there was a way for you to make them "dissappear".
Wow, I'm sorry you didn't get the pose shots you wanted with your family, that is a bummer. But, good for you for not putting those shots in the album, if she has the gall to ask why not, you would be perfectly polite to coldly say that this is OUR wedding album, since they did not fit in, they didn't go into the album. Bonus points if you don't have the copyright for the pictures and she has to purchase them directly from the photographer! Good luck to you and I hope this is not totally dampening the newlywed mood! :)
omigod! What nerve! And horrible that your photographer didn't get the shots you want. I'm going to create my list of photos asap!
I have no worries about my FMIL stealing away the photographer though, as she believes the camera can steal her soul. Seriously! I'm going to have a hard enough time getting her to be in any photo.
Just stay calm and wait for you to get your proofs from your photographer. My sister-in-law was concerned that her photographer didn't get a single picture of her dress or of the two of them and of the cake etc. because she didn't see the photographer the entire time. I was the MOH and I remember helping the photographer postion the dress on the rack so she could get some artsy photos. I told SIL to be patient that I'm sure they got pictures. Well the proofs came in this week and there you have it... very good photos and all the photos that she wanted were there. She said I don't remember taking those! So I would just wait a little while before you go upsetting any especial the MIL and before you get the work from your photographer. Then if there isn't the photos that you'd want and more of the MIL then I'd persue it.
I agree with Stacyrp in that you should wait to see the proofs before doing anything. But, if what you think to be true turns out to be the case (that important pictures/pictures you wanted) are missing, I think you need to call the photographer. If you paid for your own wedding, I can't imagine why he would go with your MIL and take her portrait during the wedding time. Why would he ever think that was okay? Ask him those questions and see what he has to say. I think another poster said, if it turns out that there are a crazy amount of MIL pictures when there should have been bridal party/groomsmen/getting ready pictures, you need to be compensated for that. And since the photographer chose to use the time you were paying him for to do that, he should compensate you.
Yes, I'm sorry, your MIL sounds crazy and you will probably have to deal with her forever. I would talk to your husband, and make sure he makes it clear to his mother that BOTH of you are upset and a little confused as to why she wanted pictures of herself when she knew the photographer should have been doing something else. But, your photographer is alledgedly a professional (I'm sure you paid him like he was, anyway!) and he should have known better.
I agree with everyone's comments about your MIL just taking your photographer during the wedding hours... I mean there is so much importance in capturing moments and its odd your photographer didn't just postpone her and talk to you.
I do not know how long your photographer was MIA but the whole ordeal seems a bit odd.
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saw your update, honestly I am not a catty person but I would stall stall and then stall some more on even letting her see those photos. Then after the book is done and weeks go by she can buy her own copies
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So I got married this past weekend. YAY!!!
There was lots of drama, but the topic of this post is what is really pissing me off today. Husband and I paid for the wedding ourselves. We had a little help from my dad, my mom hosted a day after brunch, and his mom hosted the rehearsal dinner...just some background...
ANYWAYS...there was a period of time when the main photographer went MIA. I just figured he was with the guys...we had a huge wedding party so there were lots of delays and logistical issues so I wouldnt run into the groom. Later I find out that my MIL had hijacked the photographer for a private shoot of just herself...not herself and her son, just herself in all her wedding finery. Im pissy about it, but whatever...there are basically no pictures of me, my mom, and my dad before the wedding because we could not find the photographer.
This morning I find out that she is calling him (the photographer) to find out when her pictures will be ready. WTF! She didnt help us pay for squat and she has the nerve to have pictures of herself taken and then contact the photographer (how did she evern get his contact info) to put a rush on her private shots. Not put a rush on the wedding photos, just her private shots. Where does she get off!!! I asked dear husband to contact his mother and tell her to refrain from contacting any of the vendors any further. She didnt sign any contracts, she didnt contribute a penny (nor a gift or card) to the wedding but feels its within her domain to work with the vendors!
Is this a sign of whats to come? Will she and I be in constant struggle over who's in charge? I really want to call her and give her a piece of my mind but I know that is a bad idea. How can I convey how upset I am without starting a fued?
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