Post # 1
So I got married this past weekend. YAY!!!
There was lots of drama, but the topic of this post is what is really pissing me off today. Husband and I paid for the wedding ourselves. We had a little help from my dad, my mom hosted a day after brunch, and his mom hosted the rehearsal dinner…just some background…
ANYWAYS…there was a period of time when the main photographer went MIA. I just figured he was with the guys…we had a huge wedding party so there were lots of delays and logistical issues so I wouldnt run into the groom. Later I find out that my MIL had hijacked the photographer for a private shoot of just herself…not herself and her son, just herself in all her wedding finery. Im pissy about it, but whatever…there are basically no pictures of me, my mom, and my dad before the wedding because we could not find the photographer.
This morning I find out that she is calling him (the photographer) to find out when her pictures will be ready. WTF! She didnt help us pay for squat and she has the nerve to have pictures of herself taken and then contact the photographer (how did she evern get his contact info) to put a rush on her private shots. Not put a rush on the wedding photos, just her private shots. Where does she get off!!! I asked dear husband to contact his mother and tell her to refrain from contacting any of the vendors any further. She didnt sign any contracts, she didnt contribute a penny (nor a gift or card) to the wedding but feels its within her domain to work with the vendors!
Is this a sign of whats to come? Will she and I be in constant struggle over who’s in charge? I really want to call her and give her a piece of my mind but I know that is a bad idea. How can I convey how upset I am without starting a fued?
Post # 3
Whoa!!! Not bridezilla at all — I just can’t imagine, and I can’t believe the photographer let her do that! What does your FI say? My only piece of advice is to have your FI deal with it, if you can; that way, you keep from getting in the middle of all the drama as much as possible.
Post # 4
I would call the photog yourself, apologize for the crazy MIL (I’m sure vendors deal with them all the time!) and ask him to not worry about her stuff and have him tell her, if she calls again, that he needs to concentrate on the WEDDING PHOTOS he was paid to take before he can get around to hers.
But I am a wuss and tend to take the passive-aggressive approach rather than direct, so I’m sure having your hubby talk to her directly is the correct, grown up way to handle it. 🙂
Post # 5
Yeah, I would also be pretty frustrated with the photographer! You’d think they would have come up with some way to say, "I think I should be getting back to some of the other party members now…" Definitely infuriating!!
Post # 6
I’ll second amysue. What she did was pretty ridiculous but stay out of it and let your husband (yay!) handle everything.
Good luck and of course, congratulations on getting married!!
Post # 7
I hope you can find humor in her vanity. I would be seriously pissed off if I were you. But honestly…I did laugh at her ridiculousness. What does your husband say?
Post # 8
Oh, of course — not FI, husband!! Congrats! : )
Post # 9
First of all, congrats on your wedding!
Now, on to the nitty gritty. I am amazed that your MIL would do such a thing! And I’m equally amazed that your photographer didn’t just take a couple of pics and say "Ok, now back to the bride and groom, the FOCUS of this wedding." That was extremely inconsiderate and rude. Your reaction is completely understandable. As for what to do about it now, I agree with amysue. Let your hubby be the one to talk with his mother. Talk with hubby beforehand about why you are so upset so that he can explain the issue to his mother.
I might also suggest talking to your photographer and finding out just how many photos he took of your MIL. If he spent a significant amount of time taking those photos, then you may just want to ask for some sort of refund or extra prints or something since you paid your photog to take photos of your wedding day, not to hold a private session with your MIL. And depending on how many photos he took of your MIL, have him edit just one or two to include with your entire photo package, and let the rest just disappear. If your MIL wants those photos, she’ll have to ask you for them. After all, YOU paid the photographer. Not her.
Post # 10
Wow! I almost had that situation at our wedding.
My mom took charge of the shot list and it was mostly family portraits of cousins I hadn’t seen in years. I said if either my husband or myself weren’t in the formal posed shot, it shouldn’t be taken. Candids we were cool with. This wasn’t a family reunion, it was our wedding 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2009 - Harbison Chapel & The Maple Lane Farm
Wow, the nerve! I can’t believe she stole your photog! He should have had the mind to say something though, or refuse, and capture your moments instead. YOU paid for him, so neither of them were doing what they were supposed to be. I’m curious to hear what happens after your husband talks to her, maybe you can ask her for some $$ at least since she stole some of your time, no that it makes up for the lost photo ops.
Post # 12
Wow, I’d be ticked too. I certainly can understand you being angry with your MIL. She should have had better sense than that. the photographer was supposed to be focusing on you and however you wanted to day to go. And to not have those pictures of your family because of that.
However, I think honestly, in this particular situation, I would be more upset with your photographer. He should have known better. You are the one paying him, as you said, so he should be answering to you, not getting sucked in by her, even if she was offering him money. I would be laying into him a bit, that "for whatever reason" he missed some shots of you because he was "MIA".
I don’t know what this means about your MIL. Is this new stuff for her? In the future, you and your husband can come up with a game plan. She caught you on a day you were pretty compromised. You were too tied up to police her. (Whether or not that was on purpose, I couldn’t tell you.) But, I think if something like that happens again, your hubby can better brace himself to deal with the situation.
Post # 13
Plain and simple, you hired the photographer to take the pictures you wanted for your wedding day…..if she prevented you getting pictures that you wanted she is in the wrong. You can’t go back and get the pictures you missed because she was playing dress up. I would talk to her about it….nicely and tell her what happened as a result of her stepping out of line. I would say that if you get things out in the open now, there will not be a problem later with her controling situations where she has no right. Also I would contact the photographer and tell him the issue. He was not hired to take her pictures….he was hired to take your wedding photos. Granted if he can get more money for taking her pictures why wouldn’t he? I don’t think he is to blame, MIL probably doesn’t know you have an issue with it like you do. I would just talk to her about it…..again, in a nice way. I don’t blame you for being upset, but I would take a second to gather your thoughts, cool off and collect yourself and approach it in a mature and calm manner. Also, if she is trying to include her photos in your wedding package…you can probably prevent them from being purchased. You don’t have to get the prints if you don’t want them.
Post # 14
OMG! I would have to be calling the photographer! I would avoid calling you MIL just so there is no more DRAMA. If anyone should contact your MIL it should be your husband since that’s his mom. Wow! I would be totally upset it was your day and you payed the photographer to shoot a wedding not your MIL!
So sorry I hope that you can resolve this!
Post # 16
Was the photographer clear about who was paying his fee? If not, it may explain the reason he felt that it was okay to devote some time to your MIL.
With that said, I’m of the opinion that it would be best to start off your marriage by having a frank discussion with your mother-in-law. You and your husband should present a united front and let her know that you are disappointed that you missed out on the chance to have important photos made. You can’t control her actions or her reactions to this discussion, but you can present the fact that you’re upset about it.