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Wow. As completely thoughtless as that proposal is, when it comes down to it, Lorena has to realize on her own what kind of a guy he is. In the meantime, try to keep in touch with her so she will at least have family to reach out to when she comes to her senses.
I don't know how I'd feel if someone got engaged at my reception. I guess I';d have to be in the situation to know.
Wow!! I can't believe the nerve of people. Why do people have to rain on someone's parade, just doesn't make any sense. This guy sounds like a real winner. Too bad your sister can't see through his bullshit!!
I would flip my shit if someone pulled this move at my wedding. There are 365 days in a year, and you decide to propose on my day!! Screw that lol
Wow.... that is horrible! I don't know what I would do, but I would be really, really mad! That is so inappropriate!
I guess I would hope that there wouldn't be anyone I detest at my wedding. It sounds like a bad situation, I don't envy any of you. :(
That's a really bad person for your sister to be engaged to- I would congratulate the couple quietly and then quickly move on if this happened at my wedding, maybe make the DJ make some unrelated announcement to bring the attention back to where it needs to be. That is probably the worst thing etiquette wise that you could do at a wedding though.
It sounds like you and your family are doing all you can. I hope your family has cut off all funds after they heard it was turning into drug money. I'm sorry, best of luck with this, sounds like your sister is refusing to make any good decisions and you really can't do anything else besides push for taking away your nephew.
Omg this sounds like a movie!
Words fail me at this point, I would be LIVID if this happened to me.
It's up to Lorena now, hopefully her eyes would be opened soon enough.
I am really sorry about your sister's and nephew's situation. This guy seems like a real low-life. Hopefully it will all work out for your family. As for some I hate or anyone at all even if I like them being proposed to at my wedding.......HELL NO!!!! That day is for me and my fiance and I would be absoultely disgusted if someone for their own selfishness would bring the spotlight on themselves. Even if it is meant with no disrespect, still it just seems to me like a way to get a free engagement party since everyone is there and partying already, because that will likely be what some people are talking about for the rest of the evening. I am not going to share the spotlight on my wedding day, and I am really sorry that this happened to you and your family.
I voted say nothing, but not because it's not a big deal. Not going to lie, I'd be pretty pissed if that happened at my wedding. I don't think I would cause a scene, though, since it would just give that loser more attention. I think I would just try to ignore them and move on. :( I'm so sorry your sister is going through that!
During their first dance? You’ve got to be friggin’ kidding me!
What would I do? I’d beat the ever loving shit out of him, that’s what I’d do. Weddings are off limit for proposals, regardless of the circumstances. Who goes to a wedding thinking “I should totally make this day all about me” and what kind of SISTER would think that this was okay. The ONLY time that a wedding proposal would be tolerated would be if it was discussed with the bride and groom beforehand and even then I don’t think it’s appropriate.
He's obviously a winner. At the rate he's going, he'll probably end up in jail before they even set a date.
ETA: Just saw the poll. I wouldn’t do any of those. I would remain calm while he was proposing like a douchebag, then I’d kindly ask him to step outside where I would tear him apart limb from limb.
That's terrible. I'd probably congratulate them and seethe inside if I hated them. I'd definitely do some yelling just not in front of them. I'm not a fan of wedding propsals in general but that guy seems like a real douche.
Honestly, there isn't much you can "do". She's going to have to figure out how bad of a guy he is on her own, no amount of telling her is going to change her mind. I wouldn't give her any money, & hopefully your family stops as well. However, I'd still be there for her. If your family all turn their backs on her/ disown her, it doesn't sound like she would want to turn to you guys for help if/when she needs it. She may feel she has no where to go & no one who supports her. I mean, not to judge but you called her a "pathetic bimbo" so it sounds like you don't think much of her & she can probably tell. I would definitely involve CPS / the police to get the nephew out of that situation.
As far as him proposing at the wedding, you can't really do much. I mean, if you knew before you likely could have told the DJ not to let anyone take the mic & talked to him about, asking him not to. I wouldn't care if anyone proposed at my wedding (no one did), but the fact that they got engaged at all I think is the main problem, no one's happy about their engagement, period. The fact it was at the wedding just makes everything worse since its someone they don't like at all.
Also, if he threatened to kill me, I'd get a restraining order ASAP. By law he'd have to stay away from those he threatened.
I would've been the bigger person and congratulated them in front of everyone. And then when no one was looking punched him in the face and shoved him out the door. Where was that option in the poll 
Congratulate them publicly, hope it fell apart before the wedding and take quiet pleasure in the fact that his gauche actions would make him even more disliked and disdained.
Can't say that there's going to be much you can do. It hasn't worked in the past and it won't work now. You have to sit back and wait/hope that your sister gets her mind together and realizes she doesn't need a man (especially this asshole loser) to validate her life.
What can you do? You know he's an inconsiderate jerk. Of course he chose right then and there to bring the attention to himself. I'm sure he knows you all don't like him and this was the best way for him to just stick it to the lot of ya.
Unfortunately your sister is making terrible decisons. If it were my sister and her child was put into such God awful situations, I wouldn't hesitate to call Child services. That child is not safe with her and this guy. Your family needs to cut her off financially. Maybe he'll see that the money has stopped and he'll move on to the next victim. She needs to woman up.
Holy crap you dont PROPOSE to someone at a persons wedding. Man i my SIL was proposed to during a destination wedding week for a friend and i thought THAT was kind of lame.
This sounds like a really shitty situation all around.
While I would be PISSED if someone had proposed publically at my wedding reception, I would be the bigger person and congratulate them. Because really, what else can you do? Then I would try to avoid all talk of their engagement for the rest of the night.
I worry most for the child. I am glad you are working with CPS and I hope they keep a good eye on the situation. Otherwise there isn't much you can do, your sister is an adult and hopefully she will learn that this guy is a d-bag.
I would say nothing but not because it's not a big deal. I would be upset but that guy obviously wants attention so I would go out of my way to not give it to him. Sometimes you do have to disown people, even if they are family.
In this situation, I would be soooo livid, but I would keep my mouth shut at the reception because I wouldn't want to look back and remember loosing my crap on the guy. It's an unfortunate situation though for your sister who got married to have this interrupt her happy day.
I wouldn't "say nothing" because it is not a big deal. I would say nothing because I don't think it is appropriate to say something. I'd be all "whatev.s"
Since you asked what *I* would do at *my* wedding, I voted "congratulate the couple".
But with this situation....damn, son. "Congratulations" may not be the first word out of my mouth.
Honestly, the proposal at the wedding is the least of your worries. If the child is being abused and there is proof, nothing of what the mother can say can stop authorities from removing the child from the home. I suggest you and your family persue this coruse of action. If your sister will not step up for the sake of the son you and your family will have to. I think the son and his wellbeing comes long before peace with your sister.
I think you're going to need to cut the sister off and or take a more serious intervention like bring in professional counsellors or something.
Announce you're pregnant just before THEIR first dance...
no..seriously. That sucks, thats MEGA lame, but having just experienced what its like when a relative is in an awful relationship, the only advice I can give you is continue to support and encourage your sister, for the sake of her son if nothing else. Sometimes the more a family hates a significant other, the more the relative feels the need to defend him - and thats a bad pattern to get in to. If you stop talking to her, you isolate her - making her less likely to feel like she could leave him.
OMG! OP, I'm sorry but your sister AND her boyfriend are just disgusting! This story made me so angry. Not only did they steal your sister's wedding spotlight, but they're abusive to your innocent nephew who has special needs. I know you'll probably say your sister isn't abusive, but even if she's not harming the child herself, she's allowing her boyfriend to. I pray that CPS removes the child from her care and places him with loving relatives because he is not getting what he deserves. His mother is a pathetic, man-dependent woman. I can't stand mothers like that. When you have a child, your child needs to come first (especially when they have special needs), whether you have a man or not. My mom was single when we were growing up, and she always made it abundantly clear that if any man didn't like us, he could go. This is so, so sad :(
@serabell: <--- stole my answer. That's exactly what I would have done.
I would be pissed off, and not congratulate them....and be angry but I wouldn't freak out that day I would have someone else tell them that it is inappropriate to do that
The biggest thing is that your sister hasn't (can't) realize what a POS her guy is, or the danger her son is in. It's just sad that this is happening to that little boy.
Now, to the next part- Oh HELLZ- to- the- NAW! I can't believe that crap! I can honestly say I would probably wait till the 'annoucement' was over, then drag them both off to the side, give them a piece of my mind (read: cuss them the frak out), and kick them both out. Touch up my make-up, then head back to dance the night away.
First of all... If it were my wedding THEY WOULD BE OUT!
Second... the new FI reminds me of my ex... ew what a jobless, car less, drug addicted cheat he was.
...and third... this is exactly why my sister is no longer my MOH, she wants him to come and I don't- my entire family hates her boyfriend, he's 37 she's only 21- and he won't ever leave her because her dad just died and she now owns the house, he gets a free place to live. She won't leave him because she's young and thinks she loves him. It's a horrible mess... I feel for your family- were going through the same thing, I am sooo scared they would pull something like that at my wedding too being 5 months from now and them talking about looking at rings, ya know perfect amount of time to save up for one. =(
Honestly, if someone proposed to someone at my wedding, I'd be pissed. I'm not the bridezilla type at all, but it's the one day that's supposed to be about you and your SO. I wouldn't make a scene but I'd be sure to give whoever proposed a piece of my mind.
I voted without reading.. WOW. sounds like my sisters ex of 7 years. the only part that is different is that your sister has a son. THANKFULLY he was so stupid, he proposed to another girl....... and she found out and broke up with him. HE is an idiot! I say thankfully, because it was the only action he did that made her realize. Unfortunately your sister has not come to this conclusion yet. I hope it doesnt take her 7 years, and I hope they dont get married!
I am so sorry your family has to deal with such an Idiot!.
Omg, this is horrible!!! Don't know what to say except, please please please get your nephew out of this situation. There's really nothing you can do for your sis. She's an adult, and you can't change her mind. Hopefully in time, she will open her eyes.
I'm sorry you and your family have to deal with this B.S.
Even if he treats her like dirt, it's her decision to be with him...she's a grown person and can make her own choices on who to love. You guys have already made it clear how you feel about him. I think if you are super hateful to them about it, you might end up pushing her away and I don't think that's what you want.
That being said, I don't really think it would have been a big deal if someone proposed at my wedding. I don't understand feeling that the "spotlight" isn't on you. I was actually hoping my husband's cousin would propse to his sweet girlfriend at our wedding...I would have felt kind of honored he chose that time to do it lol.
I literally became furious reading this and not about the lack of ettiquette! Truthfully, I can't even focus on the question about poor etiquette because what I would be more upset about than anything was the fact that my sister would be subjecting my nephew to this horrible person.
I was a single mother of a child with Autism before my FI became my FI. Let me just tell you, I love that man with all of my heart but if he had ever so much as considered putting my child in jeporady, that would have been it! I'm very blessed in the fact that he loves my child as if he's his own and he is very much dedicated to him. But, as a mother of any child, your primary responsibility is to protect. When your child has special needs, then you have to be that much more on guard because the world is even more dangerous!
You're sister is a grown woman. Unfortunately, some people have to learn the hard way. Some people have to hit rock bottom before they realize what a mess they're in. And sometimes rock bottom is much lower than you would think. However, your nephew is an innocent bystander in this disaster. Please realize that 4 years old is a time of GREAT importantance in the world of Autism. No matter where he is on the spectrum, there are a lot of developmental needs that must be addressed now in order to give him the best shot later on in life. I know that you're working with CPS and that's great but don't stop there. Keep calling. Call them every freaking day if you have to. I don't know what state you're in but every state has resources for children with special needs that include family services. In many states, the school system is actually responsible for assiting children begining at age 3. Each state also has a program for children younger than 2. It goes by different names (here in Virginia, its called Early Intervention). I would start calling anyone and everyone. Encourage everyone you know to document any concerns. Any signs of abuse, anything that can serve as support that this child is in danger. Document specifics...dates, times, witnesses, everything! You and your family recognize that this child is being abused. His mother won't save him so it's up to you!
Truthfully, if this had happened at my wedding...I wouldn't care that it took away from my special day because I would be terrified for my nephew. I don't even know you and I'm terrified for your nephew.
I change my vote after reading your post - I'd flip my shit and have security high-tail his ass out of there...ugh.
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Okay Bee's, I have 2 sister's..Serena and Lorena. Serena just got married to a terrific guy. And their wedding went off without a hitch...except one problem. Lorenas boyfriend...who EVERYONE hates, PROPOSED to her at their reception! EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE hates this guy...and I'll tell you why..
Lorena is a 26 yr old single mother to an autistic child (from previous marriage). So she needs ALL the help she can get. Her boyfriend however, is only 20 years old. Jobless, car-less, DOES DRUGS, cheats on her CONSTANTLY (we even showed proof but because my sister is one of those 'need-to-be-in-a-relationship' type of girls, she stayed with him.) He SEXUALLY harassed me, threatened to kill a few members of my family, he even refuses to let us see her because he knows no one likes him! And get this...Because her boyfriend REFUSES to get a job, my family gives my sister money so she can make rent, but we just recently found out that EVERY cent we've given, has been spent towards more weed and drugs for him!!!! We've been unknowingly supporting him! I would TRY to overlook those facts if he were at least a good person, but he's not! The police even found my 4 yr old nephew 4 blocks NAKED IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER on his watch! He doesn't care for my sister at all! BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY HE IS THE BIGGEST LEECH AND P.O.S BOYFRIEND THERE IS!
My family hates him SO MUCH my mother had to talk everyone (Uncles, cousins, etc) out of riling up a mob to get the guy!
We have staged many interventions for my sister but she was more willing to dump her family than dump him. And we are currently working with CPS for the sake of my nephew as we have proof that her boyfriend is abusing him! But my sister being pathetic as she is, defended his EVERY action! saying "No he didn't mean to" or "that didn't happen"..even when everyone she's saying that to, was there when it happened and saw it for themselves!
Serena, however, felt that she needed Lorena there on her special day because we're all sisters....Lorena specified that if her boyfriend wasn't invited then she wouldn't come either...So the classy lady Serena is, she sucked it up and allowed him to come too. Everything went great, we hardly noticed his presence at all...until after the newleywed's had their first dance...He went up to the dj and grabbed a mic and proposed to Lorena right there! My family is livid! Lorena of course said yes, because she's a pathetic bimbo who my family has now decided to disown since she's so pathetic it's hard to watch anymore. What would YOU do if someone you ABSOLUTELY HATED, proposed to their S.O at your wedding?