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I've heard a lot of girls in long term relationships say that they dread going to weddings... maybe she made a comment about how she wanted to be engaged by your wedding day?
I think you need to take a deep breath. You are making a HUGE deal about this and it is NOT a big deal. So WHAT if he proposes 2 WEEKS before your wedding? he's not proposing the day of or the day at your wedding. They've been together 5.5 years, don't they deserve it if they're ready?
I don't think you have ANY right to call up your brother and demand he postpone his proposal for your wedding. People will congratulate them at your wedding, sure, but you're the bride! You can't be everywhere at once. Even if he'd proposed a month or two months ago, people would STILL be congratulating them at your wedding.
There's no way you can handle this without it looking "me me me" I think. I just think it's best to let him do his thing; don't ruin or taint the moment for them. =]
Well I think coming from an angle that she would probably prefer to have her own spotlight might be a start. But are you sure that's it? Maybe having all the family there for your wedding, gives her more spotlight, than she'd otherwise have.
Also, what popped into my head is, if she has been waiting for 5 years for this ring, (and he really wanted to propose earlier) I wonder if he is trying to get the proposal in before your wedding, because she is feeling blue. She might be really depressed if she has to go through your wedding without a ring.
Are you afraid someone will announce at your reception? Or just that there will be a big to do because it's been such a long wait? You could try to head it off by announcing at the RD. Or ask your brother to wait until after the reception to announce it to everyone. I don't think that it's right to use someone else's celebration as a time to annoucne your own good news. But honestly, if they do that, I really don't think your other guests will get absorbed in it. I mean people are happy for others when they get engaged. But I don't see them getting that giddy. Maybe it's just me. After 5 years, they're probably like "about freakin' time". It's not like they've been trying 5 years to have a baby or something.
I think Mr.bee might have a point. Maybe she was dreading coming to your wedding and getting the hated "soooo when are you getting engaged?" Maybe your brother thinks it is the perfect time since you DO have family coming in from all around the world, they'll all get to see the ring and such.
I do think that its kind of weird... but guys are pretty oblivious to this stuff. I was scared my bf was going to propose last week and I didn't want him to because my brother and his FI were moving into their first house and I didn't want to steal their thunder... I said something about it to a (male) friend and he's like wow... I would have NEVER thought about that. lol. (btw they're moved, he can do it ANYTIME now. kthx. heh).
If you have a good relationship with him, I would talk to him about it. To be honest if I were you, I would be worried about people splitting their focus between your wedding and their engagement, and you DO get a day. Good luck.
Agree with Mr. Bee! I bet your brother knows his gf's feelings on this better than you...so if your feelings are truly about the gf, and not you, I'd let it go. If your feelings are based on you not wanting to share the spotlight, I agree that there's probably no real way to approach your brother without seeming selfish. You are in a tough spot!! If you are close with your brother just call him and ask him why he's doing it then. If there seems to be no rhyme or reason, ask him to do it the day after your wedding : )
I have to agree with the other posters. I think you need to take a breath. This is not a big deal. Like the others said, perhaps she was feeling blue about going to your wedding, and he's trying to make her feel better. Also, it sounds like a good opportunity to do it, since all the family will be around. Don't worry, I don't think it'll take away from your day at all! :)
I am that soon-to-be-engaged girl (not literally but I was in the same position in May)...
Since I live so far from home FI wanted to propose when he knew we'd both be going home so we could both celebrate with our families - that was either going to be in February for my best friend's wedding or in May for my brother's. I told him not to come to my best friend's wedding - I was a bridesmaid and I'd just be running around and I wouldn't be able to spend time with him but I really wanted him to come to my brother's so he would be able to meet all my aunts/uncles/cousins etc... So in his mind this was the perfect time to propose - otherwise we wouldn't both be in CT for a long time. So he proposed on a Monday, we were flying to CT on Tuesday and my brother's wedding was Saturday. My brother and his wife were REALLY gracious and sweet about it and my whole family had two reasons to be excited. I didn't have control over when FI proposed (Lord knows it wouldn't have taken that long ha ha ha) but when he did I knew my brother would be okay with it and it didn't change the fact that it was their wedding day and all eyes were on them. Our family is a pretty happy bunch when we all get together so my news only added to the celebration...
I hope you'll be understanding of your brother and his soon-to-be FI - they will be as excited as you and I were when we got engaged. And who doesn't like more happiness!?
(that being said I was REALLY glad he didn't propose before my best friend's wedding - she probably would have murdered me...and him)
I think if anything, this will just make your wedding a doubly joyous celebration!!! It won't detract from your wedding or your brother's engagement, it will just put people in the mood to celebrate even more! I think two weeks before the wedding is plenty of time for the first big wave of congrats to have passed and the focus will be on you, not to worry about that...But how much more special will it be knowing your brother and his gf (who I assume you like?) will be enjoying themselves that much more at your big day?
Why is the word "spotlight" used so much when discussing weddings? it just sounds really silly. If you've ever actually been the star of something- it is nothing like being a bride- to-be...and why do people think this "spotlight" needs to last from the minute you are engaged to your wedding. ..nobody really cares but us (the brides!) and the "spotlight" is all in our heads. The only time I think it would even make any sense to use that word is when you are walking down the asile and everyone is looking at you.
A proposal two weeks before the wedding is not a big deal. my sis announced her pregnancy like the day after I was engaged. hopefully if you have siblings you've learned how to share and be happy for them.
Also, I doubt she will be resentful. The only time you should be resentful of someone else's wedding is if you want to marry their groom. lol. otherwise it's pointless.
I think that if she has waited this long (5.5 yrs) she can wait another week. Do it the day after your wedding. My thought on why they should wait is that on your wedding day everyone is going to be congradulating them.. and you. but I think I would feel bad being newly engaged and having that much attention at someone elses wedding. I am guessing that your wedding day will be the first time they will see all of your family so some ppl might not know they have become engaged.
It is fun to celebrate will eachother. But like I said, what is waiting a few more weeks. I understand the argument with her wanting the ring and might feel bad at your wedding but.. its not about her ;)
Hmmm, I don't know. Seems like after waiting 5 1/2 years, waiting two more weeks wouldn't kill them.
You know what, you guys are right. Thanks for offering a different perspective. I hadn't really thought about how she would enjoy my wedding so much more if she were engaged too. In fact a couple months ago she went with me to my dress fitting and spent the whole time talking about when the heck would my brother propose already, why was it taking so long, etc etc. She was upset that my fiance and I were getting married before she & my brother even though they had been dating longer (we're a lot older and they started dating in high school so the timelines are different) but she even said she'd get married in the dumpster behind the taco bell if that's what she had to do to get married! LOL. So, I think you all are right, it's not really my place to take away from their potential happiness. And just because I'm getting married doesn't mean HER family and friends don't get to throw her a big party where it's all about her.
She will probably be really happy that there will be an entire wedding full of friends and family to congratulate her! And it is fun to celebrate with people. good for both of you! and MrBee and everyone who sgreed are totally right!
I agree with above posters that I don't see anything wrong with this. They won't be taking away from "your day" and family and friends will be in town so that they can share the wonderful news with them in person.
I bet Mr. Bee is right. My best friend and her husband dated for 5 years before they got engaged and I remember her making a comment (only half kidding) about how she wouldn't attend another wedding with him until they were engaged. Just before his cousin's wedding, he proposed.
I know everyone's emotions run very high so close to their wedding. I know it might seem like a big deal right now, but when you think about it more, you might feel differently. Really, does their engagement actually take anything away from your wedding? You're still going to be all beautiful and radiant in your wedding dress and marrying your husband--no matter who else is engaged on that day. :) From my perspective, it would just be something else that your family can be excited about when you're all gathered together. If this happened to a friend or family member, I'd be happy for the engaged couple, but the focus would still stay on the bride and groom.
I just want to add that even if she does get engaged before your wedding, she will hopefully still recognize that the day is about you and your fiance. I got engaged a week before my best friend's wedding (I was in the wedding party) and did the best I could to "minimize" any attention I was given by our friends and her family, whom I know well. Most people said their congrats and went back to enjoying the party (i.e., did not ask questions like "how did it happen?", etc.) It will all work out!
It sounds like she may be feeling down about not being engaged yet, and he's going to propose to her before the wedding to alleviate that. I wouldn't be upset about it, I'd be happy for them.
I'm also in agreement with the above posters. If they didn't get engaged how many times will she hear 'oh when is it time for you two to get married' instead of 'congratulations, that's such wonderful news'. I'd prefer the 2nd if I was her, even if it's just a sentence that people say. We had recently engaged family members at our wedding and it was a lot of fun, they were still in their just got engaged high, so were very cute and up for dancing and having fun, and it just felt like the family was even in better spirits because we had a lot of fun together and were planning our next reunion at their wedding - really, it worked out very well.
Yep, see my second post. You guys totally changed my mind. I'm even thinking of a nice toast we can do for them at the rehearsal dinner. :-)
That's a very nice thing of you to do - toast them at the rehearsal. I think it's fine and since people are coming in from out of town it will be a nice time for them to congratulate them in person. Yes, the day will be about you, but I think it would be nice to share in your brother and FSIL's joy too.
You should be happy for them! She probably made a comment that she was dreading seeing all of your extended family without the ring. Remember that at a wedding there are hundreds of guests and one of you, you won't even notice some of your family giving her a little more attention. You're the one in the white dress!
Be happy, you're getting a sister :)
hellohellohello: that would be really nice for you to do, and your brother & FSIL will really appreciate it! Plus all your guests will see you as a very gracious, loving, & caring person. And like another poster said, it just makes your wedding more of a celebration! :)
I would just like to add this thought.
Maybe your brother has been waiting out of respect not to take the spotlight during all of your wedding planning. I think it would be more frustrating to have him propose right after you got engaged because then you would have to share the whole wedding planning process with her. With two weeks to go I would guess that you have probably have the spotlight for quite sometime with all the planning, showers and bachelorette parties. As long as they are not going to make a big scene and announcement at your wedding I think you should feel okay with this.
I feel like every wedding I have ever been to people get excited and talk about the next wedding coming up. People have so much fun they want to think about the next time they will have to celebrate with each other whether it is the next family member or the next one of a group of friends. So I don’t think this will change anything. People will still be focused on you.
You should present her with all your wedding magazines!!! What a great way to unload that stack, no? =]
You should present her with all your wedding magazines!!! What a great way to unload that stack, no? =]
LOL! So freaking true! Although I'm pretty sure she has everything planned already. She even has a dress already! (I posted on another board a couple days ago about how I got my $800 Casablanca dress at 90% off for $80 from this shop that went out of business. Well my mom told her mom about it, and they couldn't let such an opportunity go to waste so she bought a dress like 3 months ago! LOL!)
It is more fun to be excited for someone than it is to be mad and angry at them! =)
I think you have a great perspective and am happy the way things turned out :)
And great job on finding an amazing deal on your dress!!!
Um...
Get over it.
That poor girl has waited forever and I'm sure it will be even more fun for her to have all of his family around. I don't think they will feel like they are getting second-rate congratulations.
It is a gift to you too that your family is getting larger, and there will be so much love!
I think there is nothing wrong with this. They've been dating a while...not like they are trying to be mean about it. And its not like he's proposing ON your wedding day...that might be something to be upset about (depending on who you are). So take a deep breath, and be happy for your brother and his fiance!
*edit* I just re-read your response...glad you see that its a good thing! More to celebrate!
My FI proposed like three days before we arrived for my friend's wedding weekend (I was in the wedding) and it was so totally not a big deal at all. There was so much joy flying around with our friends that it was just one more thing for everyone to be happy about. In no way did it take attention away from her. She was pumped and wanted to know every little detail of everything. I got the congrats from people but there was no spotlight hogging and all my friends were totally happy for us and the ones he hadn't met yet were so excited to finally get to meet my "the one." And DAMN 5 1/2 years! Cut this girl a break! There is more than enough joy and happiness to go around.
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So last night I came home and my fiance, who had been talking to my brother online, informed me that my brother was planning on proposing to his gf next week - that's 2 weeks before my wedding!
They've been together 5 1/2 years and this girl has been waiting for this ring a long freakin' time. He was going to propose earlier in the year but for job-related reasons (ie, not having one) decided to postpone. She is very anxious to get married and she is one of these girls that has dreamed of her wedding her whole life, etc etc.
Although there's like 2% of me that's feeling kinda bridezilla ("The whole month of October is MINE!!" LOL) I truly feel that he should wait until after my wedding for reasons that have nothing to do with me. I think his gf will NOT be happy about sharing the spotlight. A lot of my extended family are flying in from overseas the week before my wedding and I can just see them being like "OMG Hellohellohello! Congratulations on your wedding!!!" Then turning to them, "Oh by the way, congratulations to you guys too." I think it's just kinda sad, and I wouldn't have wanted MY proposal to have been dimmed by someone's wedding. I have a feeling she will forever be resentful about it.
So, my question is, how do I bring this up to him without coming across like ME ME ME. I was just going to call him up and say what I explained above but any suggestions so that he doesn't take it the wrong way?
Thanks!