Post # 1
So last night I came home and my fiance, who had been talking to my brother online, informed me that my brother was planning on proposing to his gf next week – that’s 2 weeks before my wedding!
They’ve been together 5 1/2 years and this girl has been waiting for this ring a long freakin’ time. He was going to propose earlier in the year but for job-related reasons (ie, not having one) decided to postpone. She is very anxious to get married and she is one of these girls that has dreamed of her wedding her whole life, etc etc.
Although there’s like 2% of me that’s feeling kinda bridezilla (“The whole month of October is MINE!!” LOL) I truly feel that he should wait until after my wedding for reasons that have nothing to do with me. I think his gf will NOT be happy about sharing the spotlight. A lot of my extended family are flying in from overseas the week before my wedding and I can just see them being like “OMG Hellohellohello! Congratulations on your wedding!!!” Then turning to them, “Oh by the way, congratulations to you guys too.” I think it’s just kinda sad, and I wouldn’t have wanted MY proposal to have been dimmed by someone’s wedding. I have a feeling she will forever be resentful about it.
So, my question is, how do I bring this up to him without coming across like ME ME ME. I was just going to call him up and say what I explained above but any suggestions so that he doesn’t take it the wrong way?
Post # 3
I’ve heard a lot of girls in long term relationships say that they dread going to weddings… maybe she made a comment about how she wanted to be engaged by your wedding day?
Post # 4
I think you need to take a deep breath. You are making a HUGE deal about this and it is NOT a big deal. So WHAT if he proposes 2 WEEKS before your wedding? he’s not proposing the day of or the day at your wedding. They’ve been together 5.5 years, don’t they deserve it if they’re ready?
I don’t think you have ANY right to call up your brother and demand he postpone his proposal for your wedding. People will congratulate them at your wedding, sure, but you’re the bride! You can’t be everywhere at once. Even if he’d proposed a month or two months ago, people would STILL be congratulating them at your wedding.
There’s no way you can handle this without it looking “me me me” I think. I just think it’s best to let him do his thing; don’t ruin or taint the moment for them. =]
Post # 5
Well I think coming from an angle that she would probably prefer to have her own spotlight might be a start. But are you sure that’s it? Maybe having all the family there for your wedding, gives her more spotlight, than she’d otherwise have.
Also, what popped into my head is, if she has been waiting for 5 years for this ring, (and he really wanted to propose earlier) I wonder if he is trying to get the proposal in before your wedding, because she is feeling blue. She might be really depressed if she has to go through your wedding without a ring.
Are you afraid someone will announce at your reception? Or just that there will be a big to do because it’s been such a long wait? You could try to head it off by announcing at the RD. Or ask your brother to wait until after the reception to announce it to everyone. I don’t think that it’s right to use someone else’s celebration as a time to annoucne your own good news. But honestly, if they do that, I really don’t think your other guests will get absorbed in it. I mean people are happy for others when they get engaged. But I don’t see them getting that giddy. Maybe it’s just me. After 5 years, they’re probably like “about freakin’ time”. It’s not like they’ve been trying 5 years to have a baby or something.
Post # 6
I think Mr.bee might have a point. Maybe she was dreading coming to your wedding and getting the hated “soooo when are you getting engaged?” Maybe your brother thinks it is the perfect time since you DO have family coming in from all around the world, they’ll all get to see the ring and such.
I do think that its kind of weird… but guys are pretty oblivious to this stuff. I was scared my bf was going to propose last week and I didn’t want him to because my brother and his FI were moving into their first house and I didn’t want to steal their thunder… I said something about it to a (male) friend and he’s like wow… I would have NEVER thought about that. lol. (btw they’re moved, he can do it ANYTIME now. kthx. heh).
If you have a good relationship with him, I would talk to him about it. To be honest if I were you, I would be worried about people splitting their focus between your wedding and their engagement, and you DO get a day. Good luck.
Post # 7
Agree with Mr. Bee! I bet your brother knows his gf’s feelings on this better than you…so if your feelings are truly about the gf, and not you, I’d let it go. If your feelings are based on you not wanting to share the spotlight, I agree that there’s probably no real way to approach your brother without seeming selfish. You are in a tough spot!! If you are close with your brother just call him and ask him why he’s doing it then. If there seems to be no rhyme or reason, ask him to do it the day after your wedding : )
Post # 8
I have to agree with the other posters. I think you need to take a breath. This is not a big deal. Like the others said, perhaps she was feeling blue about going to your wedding, and he’s trying to make her feel better. Also, it sounds like a good opportunity to do it, since all the family will be around. Don’t worry, I don’t think it’ll take away from your day at all! 🙂
Post # 9
I am that soon-to-be-engaged girl (not literally but I was in the same position in May)…
Since I live so far from home FI wanted to propose when he knew we’d both be going home so we could both celebrate with our families – that was either going to be in February for my best friend’s wedding or in May for my brother’s. I told him not to come to my best friend’s wedding – I was a bridesmaid and I’d just be running around and I wouldn’t be able to spend time with him but I really wanted him to come to my brother’s so he would be able to meet all my aunts/uncles/cousins etc… So in his mind this was the perfect time to propose – otherwise we wouldn’t both be in CT for a long time. So he proposed on a Monday, we were flying to CT on Tuesday and my brother’s wedding was Saturday. My brother and his wife were REALLY gracious and sweet about it and my whole family had two reasons to be excited. I didn’t have control over when FI proposed (Lord knows it wouldn’t have taken that long ha ha ha) but when he did I knew my brother would be okay with it and it didn’t change the fact that it was their wedding day and all eyes were on them. Our family is a pretty happy bunch when we all get together so my news only added to the celebration…
I hope you’ll be understanding of your brother and his soon-to-be FI – they will be as excited as you and I were when we got engaged. And who doesn’t like more happiness!?
(that being said I was REALLY glad he didn’t propose before my best friend’s wedding – she probably would have murdered me…and him)
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
I think if anything, this will just make your wedding a doubly joyous celebration!!! It won’t detract from your wedding or your brother’s engagement, it will just put people in the mood to celebrate even more! I think two weeks before the wedding is plenty of time for the first big wave of congrats to have passed and the focus will be on you, not to worry about that…But how much more special will it be knowing your brother and his gf (who I assume you like?) will be enjoying themselves that much more at your big day?
Post # 11
Why is the word “spotlight” used so much when discussing weddings? it just sounds really silly. If you’ve ever actually been the star of something- it is nothing like being a bride- to-be…and why do people think this “spotlight” needs to last from the minute you are engaged to your wedding. ..nobody really cares but us (the brides!) and the “spotlight” is all in our heads. The only time I think it would even make any sense to use that word is when you are walking down the asile and everyone is looking at you.
A proposal two weeks before the wedding is not a big deal. my sis announced her pregnancy like the day after I was engaged. hopefully if you have siblings you’ve learned how to share and be happy for them.
Also, I doubt she will be resentful. The only time you should be resentful of someone else’s wedding is if you want to marry their groom. lol. otherwise it’s pointless.
Post # 12
I think that if she has waited this long (5.5 yrs) she can wait another week. Do it the day after your wedding. My thought on why they should wait is that on your wedding day everyone is going to be congradulating them.. and you. but I think I would feel bad being newly engaged and having that much attention at someone elses wedding. I am guessing that your wedding day will be the first time they will see all of your family so some ppl might not know they have become engaged.
It is fun to celebrate will eachother. But like I said, what is waiting a few more weeks. I understand the argument with her wanting the ring and might feel bad at your wedding but.. its not about her 😉
Post # 13
Hmmm, I don’t know. Seems like after waiting 5 1/2 years, waiting two more weeks wouldn’t kill them.
Post # 14
You know what, you guys are right. Thanks for offering a different perspective. I hadn’t really thought about how she would enjoy my wedding so much more if she were engaged too. In fact a couple months ago she went with me to my dress fitting and spent the whole time talking about when the heck would my brother propose already, why was it taking so long, etc etc. She was upset that my fiance and I were getting married before she & my brother even though they had been dating longer (we’re a lot older and they started dating in high school so the timelines are different) but she even said she’d get married in the dumpster behind the taco bell if that’s what she had to do to get married! LOL. So, I think you all are right, it’s not really my place to take away from their potential happiness. And just because I’m getting married doesn’t mean HER family and friends don’t get to throw her a big party where it’s all about her.
Post # 15
She will probably be really happy that there will be an entire wedding full of friends and family to congratulate her! And it is fun to celebrate with people. good for both of you! and MrBee and everyone who sgreed are totally right!
Post # 16
I agree with above posters that I don’t see anything wrong with this. They won’t be taking away from “your day” and family and friends will be in town so that they can share the wonderful news with them in person.