(Closed) WTF??? He doesnt know now??????

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
10369 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like you guys aren’t very good at communicating, frankly. You’re not being open with each other about the job hunt (how do you actually know he hasn’t searched for anything? Are you over his shoulder 24/7?). Have you discussed how his current job is effecting his outlook on life and the future? How it’s effecting his happiness? I bet he’s feeling very insecure, very unhappy, and very much like he has no say in anything in his life at the moment, and now he has you yelling at him about a marriage that he can’t committ to, likely because he feels like his job isn’t stable enough/he can’t afford a ring. If you really said “Why don’t we talk about this, EVER” to him, I think you know that’s an aggressive and leading question that has a whole boatload of blame and negativity with it. There are a million better ways to bring that up in a loving and supportive way. Why would he be positive about spending his life with you if you are so aggressive in the way you talk about it? Is this a pattern with other problems? That may be why he only talked candidly when drunk.

I think you both need to take a deep breath and figure out a more productive way to talk about this. This is a minor bump in the road along the path of life – if you’re imploding at this, it’s not a great sign for your communication skills through a marriage.

Post # 4
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Sorry but this sounds like a bunch of excuses. HE might want to move to a new place? Where do you fit into this?

You guys need to have a serious sit down conversation where you both lay ALL your cards out on the table. 

I find it worrying that he is going on about him moving somewhere and not including you in the discussion. Lots of “me”, not enough “we” 

Post # 6
Member
512 posts
Busy bee

@mrssoontobeh:  Just a quick question… is your job flexible enough to move with him or might that be the problem?

Post # 9
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@mrssoontobeh:  Unfortunately that really is all you can do… well, short of proposing to him. If you’re on the same page in terms of a future together and you’re happy to wait til he’s ready, then that’s a good thing.

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