Post # 1
WWBD? What would Bees do?
My bridal shower is going to be in my mom’s house- we’re making brunch. I’m inviting only my female friends from my side (and of course, mom and sister who are planning it). I’m not inviting any of my cousins, aunts, or family friends. I was planning on also inviting just his mom (he doesn’t have sisters). I am not inviting his female friends. This is a bridal shower for me and my girls- very casual. So, do I have to invite his aunts? I think they expect to be invited but its not a formal shower. WWBD? I could simply not invite his mom either and that way nobody will ever know…..Or I can invite them but that changes the whole mood of the shower (because one especially loves to be the center of attention).
What would you do?
Post # 3
I think it’s strange to have a one-sided shower if you aren’t having one on the other side of the family. And, I do think it’s rude not to invite the MIL if this is your only shower!
I would invite them if this is your only shower. If you are having a shower with his side of the family (say, FMIL is throwing it) and on your side (your mom is throwing it) then I wouldn’t worry about it.
Post # 4
I agree with EJS. Also, perhaps FMIL would feel more comfortable having some other ppl there she knows. I know that the grooms family is often invited to a shower, but I’ve never been to a shower in which mom was the only person representing the groom’s camp.
Post # 5
But nobody from my family will be there either! Its just friends!
Post # 6
Hmmm, well, its not typical to invite only your friends and your Mom to a shower. So aside from the issue you bring up, I think anyone that didn’t get invited may be offended. Even knowing its ‘just friends’ a lot of women enjoy showers so they’ll feel slighted that they didn’t have the chance to celebrate with you. That being said, I wouldn’t even invite him Mother. Because her family and friends might not understand this concept either, and it could easily turn into a sh*tstorm for you.
Post # 7
i guess i’m just confused as to why you’re not having either your family or his family at your shower.
i’m totally about laid-back, cozy showers… but is there anyway you could invite your aunts + his aunts and still have it be a good time for everyone?
i guess that’s what i would do if i was in your shoes, but if you really just want to have it with your mom and friends, i just wouldn’t call it a formal shower.
maybe someone will throw you another with all of the other guests invited as well!
Post # 8
I think that in order to avoid conflict you should invite his mom and aunts. I agree with the other bees that they may feel slighted that you didnt invite anyone from his side of the family.
Post # 9
could you do a second, more family oriented shower? Or else, maybe explain to his mom that it’s just your friends and not your extended family, but still allow her to bring one person so she doesn’t feel awkward?
Post # 10
Multiple showers is probably the way to go. I had one friends-only shower that both my mom and MIL attended, but my MIL threw me a big family shower with all the women from her side of the family, her friends, cousins, etc. But there were a ton of people (about 24-30) at that one, which is why i had a separate, friends-only type shower.
Post # 11
I think it’s totally fine for your mom to throw a shower for you, your friends and the moms.
I thought it was “etiquette” for someone outside the immediate family to throw the larger “family” showers, otherwise it comes across as grubbing for presents. So, I think that if your aunts (or his aunts) want to participate in a shower, then they should take the initiative and throw you one.
As long as you don’t invite anyone outside of friends and the moms to the shower, you’re okay excluding aunts (I mean, yours aren’t even invited!).
Post # 12
I’m a little confused why you’re only inviting friends and no family except you’re mom and sister. I think it’s a little strange to do a bridal shower this way. But if you are, I still think it’s rude to not invite you FMIL. It’s kind of a given that she would be invited..
Post # 13
Its a friends only shower because its about hanging out with your girls, celebrating that your getting married by rehashing memories and lots of laughs (different from the bachelorette, which is about partyng your last night being single…this is just about looking back and looking foward, lots of chit chat and laughter.
Once you add aunts, cousins- mine or his, its about entertaining rather than enjoying. And this goes for my mom as well as for me– Mom wants to cheer along that I’m actually getting married rather than make small talk with his family/aunts.
And yes, i agree with golidlocks and ejs…If his mom wants a shower, she should throw it! She has done NOTHING nor offered any help. Not in action or money. She ordered a limo for HERSELF, her friends, her sisters on our wedding day while we (me and man) are driving in his pick-up/work truck!! My mom gave us money for almost everything else to help out and my mom bargained to get us a better price for flowers…while his mom is sitting back and even gave me a list of people she wants invited but has not offered (nor are we expecting at this point…) any help at all! so you know what, if she wants a shower- let her plan it like my mom and sister did for me! (Gee, now that doesn’t sound bitter at all!! Lol- but really I want friends only because its more fun for all and not my resentment…that only applies to if she wants a shower, she should make one).
Post # 14
Maybe I won’t tell MIL and that solves all the problems! Fiance would only care about the missing presents (dork!)!
Post # 14
Hello. I know this post is from four years ago, but can’t help but comment. Personally, I see no problem with seperate showers. Have been reading a lot of etiquette on this. Only steadfast rule appears that bride or MOB or MOG maybe should not give one, but even there there seems to be some exceptions. I think the biggest problem I have, and maybe this applies to all of this wedding “stuff,” is relatives who are chipping in financially, let’s say an auntie, and not getting anything other than bridezilla or groomzilla in return. I hear so-o-o much about it is so-and-so’s special day, and they should be able to get whatever they want, etc., etc., but even now very few young couples can afford to pay for their own wedding. I kindly offered to do reception decorations, thinking the cost would be around $500. Well, now between bridezilla and groomzilla and even MOG-zilla, I’m looking more at around $1,700. And, I’m unemployed. The saga yet continues, as I offered to do a small shower for the bride’s side (inc. inviting MOG and groom’s sisters), and the bride and groom proceeded to throw a fit that a bunch of their friends and groom’s relatives couldn’t be invited too. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I guess I was actually naiive enough to think that this bride and groom who have no money of their own and planning to be missionaries would be oh-so-thankful for any help they could get vs. throwing fits because they weren’t getting everything they ever wanted. I am really quite upset by this and even afraid that they only thing I will get for my $2,000+ contribution to this wedding is the ire of my niece and her husband to be (and his family). My husband is very upset by this too, and it has even caused a couple of (albeit small) arguments. What can I do or how can I draw the line? The MOB is my sister, but even she is pulling her hair out over this situation. Her husband was unemployed recently, and they can’t afford much either.