I voted on your Poll… but am leaving my detailed reply here, cause it fits more with Etiquette than Party.
Lol, and as many know on WBee, I use the moniker
Etiquette Snob here… lol
To begin many of my posts on the topic.
So here goes…
To be honest for what is planned $ 100 is probably reasonable. Mr TTR likes wine, and knows a lot about wine. A day of Winery Touring with Lunch can easily cost $ 100 per person (if not more).
BUT what I have a problem with is what you wrote on the other Board… where the Hostess has invited you and basically told you to “suck it up”
That isn’t right.
When someone plans a Party / Event / Occasion, proper etiquette dictates that they take the feelings / needs of the Guests into consideration… infact this is the MOST IMPORTANT ELEMENT of Proper Etiquette when planning.
This Hostess clearly hasn’t done that… she is just thinking about the Bride, the Honouree… which is fine & good… BUT not her ONLY concern.
This is ONE reason that Bachelorette Parties are most often held for JUST Bridesmaids, because the planning that goes into them is talked over with the group to decide BOTH what the Bride would like, as well as what “the team” can afford to do
In this case, the Hostess is obviously including others outside of the Bridal Party, perhaps a “nice gesture”… but she didn’t consult anyone from the sounds of things in regards to pre-planning the event to find out what (a) folks wanted to do, or (b) could afford
You’ve now been put into an awkward situation (and awkwardness is rude)
This isn’t the type of event you would normally attend… BUT you want to be there for your friend the Bride because you have been invited…
So you should be given consideration (again that word)… to be able to attend whatever portion meets your needs, and just pay a small portion of the event to cover her cost and yours (for whatever will be going on while you are in attendance)
If you feel $ 30 is affordable, and reasonable… then I’d just pay it and go
(Conversations about money are always awkward… and honestly, this is WHY they are regarded as inappropriate and rude traditionally.)
BUT if you feel $ 30 is a lot, then ya, I suppose you have 2 choices… Ask, or not attend entirely.
If you choose not to go, I’d send a card / note to the Bride saying you were sorry you couldn’t make it but had a prior commitment (a white lie)… OR you have to admit that it just wasn’t your thing… being a non-drinker etc.
If she is a good friend, she’ll understand
As for the Hostess… YES SHE WAS RUDE. Not only in asking you to “just pay up already”… but in as I said Planning an Event in such a way.
It is NEVER appropriate to plan an event and ask folks for fixed amount of money… a “contribution” in some cases (like a Bachelorette) is fine. In which case the correct thing to do as a Guest is ask… “Ok, how much exactly do you need, is this costing ?. Cause I want to be sure and pay my fair share”
But for example, at a Shower etc, it is NEVER ok to “collect” upfront … as in “We are buying XYZ for the Bride”. No-no-no. If people want to pool their resources on their own… organized on their own with others then that is fine, but never should anyone be made to feel obligated to do so by a Hostess. Just plain wrong.
Which is WHY… Bachelorettes really should be for the Bridal Party alone, or maybe in some cases a few very close others (like family members… maybe a Sister, SIL who isn’t in the Bridal Party)
I hope this helps some… sorry that you are being put on the spot by this awkward situation… the fault really isn’t yours. (( HUGS ))
The Etiquette Faux Pas is 100% that of the Hostess.