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Background: I was set to be in a friends wedding 20 days before mine. When I orginally said yes to being a BM I didn't realize her shower would be nearly $350/bridesmaid (there were 10 of us), nearly $200/bridesmaid for the bachelorette party, on top of normal bridesmaids expenses. I ended up calling the bride and lettering her know I couldn't afford it and that was that. (click on the link for a more in-depth story).
Today, I'm visiting my sister, and I see I missed a call from the bride. I get an voicemail from her. She wanted to know if I would give her the bridesmaid dress I bought, (actually my mom got it for me), because she found someone else to be in the wedding.
Thats all fine and good, so I call her back thinking, great, I'll re-coup the cost of the dress. So I let her know that its fine if she wants the dress, but that I'd need to be paid for it. When I asked this, she flipped out. She told me that since she was asking this new bridesmaid to be in the wedding she didn't want her to have to pay for the dress, and that since I wouldn't likely use the dress, that I'd have no problem giving it to her.Especially considering I dropped out of her wedding. I explained that I did pay for the dress, but I'd need to think about it.
I called my mom to get her perspective and she thought that the bride was being outrageous. That she is welcome to the dress but that she would have to pay for it.
I called the bride back, explaining that my mom actually paid for the dress, and that she was welcome to it, however, I would need to be re-imbursed for it. She said, absolutely not, that she would not pay for it. And then hung up on me.
There are obviously hurt feelings, and I understand that. However, I think its asburd that she expected me to give her back the dress, (especially since its kinda cute & I planned on wearing it to an event after her wedding) for free. I mean, I paid for it, why should some other girl get to wear the dress I paid for.
So bees, what are your thoughts?
first off- i remember your original post and i'm SO GLAD you dropped out. that was getting pretty ridiculous. and you are absolutely right- she needs to pay you. P.S. why does anyone NEED to replace a 10th bridesmaid? you'd think the other 9 could handle the respective duties lol.
I agree with you, you paid for the dress so its yours. She's just trying to guilt you into giving her the dress for free. She's in the wrong, if I were you I'd stick to my guns and let her know you'd gladly sell it but won't give it up for free.
She's definitely in the wrong and being a complete Bridezilla! You were absolutely right for dropping out.
I say offer to sell her the dress and don't budge. If she doesn't take the offer, you can sell the dress elsewhere.
Um, you paid for the dress. It's yours. End of story. Don't fall prey to her crazy, pushy tactics.
Wow. Not only was that bride really rude to you on the phone (no matter if she already had hurt feelings before) but I think that was also an unreasonable request on her part. If she paid for the dress that would be one thing but seeing that your mom bought the dress, that is just crazy of her to ask that. I think you were absolutely right in saying she could buy the dress from you but not have it! I think she is just being mean now...
@lulu mae: if you read the OP's other posts about this bride, she was always mean!
She is out of line. It's one thing to ask for the dress, to be reimbursed, if time is short and it'd be hard to order a new one. She's asking you to stiff your mom, as well, after she bought the dress for you which is a pretty jerky thing to do.
If she doesn't want the other bridesmaid to have to pay for the dress, she should pay for it herself. From a quick read of your earlier post, it seems like she has money to spare for stuff like this. I can think of no reason why you should give in to her on this - she's the one who's out of line.
I whole heartedly agree with the other replies! The bride is acting nutso! Clearly, she's just bitter, though it sounds like you've been so sweet and logical about all this with her. She really needs to chill out a little and take a look at things from a better perspective.
Thanks bees! I feel badly about the whole thing. No one likes having friendships end. But I do totally think she's way out of line on this.
Thanks to everyone for the replies.
That's insane - you paid for the dress, it's yours. If she wants it, she should have to pay for it.
She can have the dress, if someone pays you for it! She is just flipping out, she went to ridiculous land! Probably the stress is getting to her...
I'd just sale the dress elsewhere to recoup the cost. F her, how can she act so accomodating over cost to another individual when she so blatantly didn't/doesn't give two sh!ts about your financial situation?
I would absolutely expect her to pay for the dress in full. No money, no dress, too bad so sad.
Keep the dress. If she doesn't want the new BM to have to pay for a dress, SHE can cover the cost herself. She has already cost you a ridiculous amount of money not to mention stress so she'll get over it...and if not...oh well
The only situation where you are obligated to give her the dress is if she had paid for it. I agree with everyone else.
Seriously, she thinks you should just give it to her?!?!?!?!?! She must be drinking too much wedding punch. Maybe in a day she'll call back and have her head screwed on straight. Seriously, effed in the head. I agree she should pay for it if she wants it!
Yeah I mean obviously you don't have to give it to her. She's being ridiculous. I will also say in my opinion it sounds like she doesn't really understand what friendship is..
You are in the right. Why is this bride so worried about new girl not paying for the dress and wasn't worried about all the expences you and the other bridesmaids had to shovel out. Wow! The cost of everything sounds outrageous! I would have dropped out too. Keep the dress unless she pays for it!
Wow. I'm on the boat with everyone else. What a loon this woman seems to be...
She's being ridiculous. The whole reason you dropped out in the first place was money, and now she wants you to give away a brand new dress that you purchased? She just doesn't get it.
DO NOT GIVE HER THE DRESS! It is yours. However if she wants to pay for it thats another story ( I also suggest a mark up in price ;)
This bride is nutso. You are totally right to keep the dress unless you get reimbursed. I'm not sure why she thinks she's entitled to it for free.
I also read through the other thread just now, and I'm really sorry you had to deal with all this. I can't believe you were expected to pay that much for the shower and b'ette party.
Okay, I'm going to suggest a different possible solution if you decide that you want to keep her friendship. What if you offer to LOAN the dress to the new bridesmaid and then get it back after the wedding to wear to the function you plan to wear it to? As long as she doesn't alter it, no harm done? You didn't say if you still plan to attend this wedding. I think you need to decide if you want to keep this girl in your life or not. After all, you are the one who cancelled on her no matter how justifiable the reasons were. I think if you don't offer up the dress, your friendship is pretty much over.
Wow - she's being ridiculous. I can kind of see her point (ie: you aren't going to be using it, it's already bought, what's the big deal). HOWEVER - I would never demand that you give up the dress - especially after explaining that you'd like to be compensated for it, etc. She's obviously acting out her disappointment in you stepping down (since didn't she originally agree to help you with costs) - meaning, if money isn't that big of an issue - her paying for the dress shouldn't be the real reason behind her angst.
What unnecessary drama. Life is too short.
And, I'm sure all of this makes you see how you made the right decision in stepping down :)
Crazy!! I wouldn't give her the dress unless she paid for it right then & there after the way she just acted.
Maybe see if the place your mom bought it from would take it back for instore credit or something? Or just keep the dress & enjoy wearing it to that other event :).
That's ridiculous. I had a bridesmaid drop out of my wedding, and when I asked another friend to be in the wedding with less notice than the other girls, I BOUGHT HER DRESS FOR HER. I didn't expect the former bridesmaid to buy it for her! That's just dumb!
Um... yeah. She's ridiculous. There is no way I would let her have that dress without paying for it.
It's your dress. You (via your mom) paid for it. You don't owe her the dress. And it's not like you dropped out a week before the wedding! There's plenty of time to order a new dress/solve the problem.
I agree with everyone- you bought the dress, it's yours (and she is nutty for thinking otherwise).
I agree with all the other bees as well. Don't just give her the dress. IMHO, I wouldn't blame you if I were the bride for dropping out of my wedding if I acted anything like that, much less try to give a guilt trip for not giving be a dress that you paid for yourself. Umm can you say CRAZY????
@redherring: I totally agree with this!
No matter the hurt feelings, your mom paid for the dress. It's your's. Period. The bride nor the new BM are entitled to the dress free of charge. That's just plain nuts to me!
I'm happy you've dropped out. The entire situation sounds like it's turning into a downward spiral without cruise control.
I think that she is being incredibly rude seeing that she knows the stress of planning a wedding. I don't understand how she can even justify asking you to give her the dress. Keep the dress, it is yours unless someone wants to pay you for the dress.
Oh my goodness, what a nut!! I am so sorry you have to deal with this, and I am happy for you that you stepped down.
She IS an actual Bridzilla! I totally thought they were only mythical creatures from TV...
You have done nothing wrong, she's off her rocker...WAY off, we are talking rolled out of her rocker on the top of a mountain a week ago and is still tumbling "off". Keep the dress unless she wants to pay for it, wait for her to come to her senses, hopefully she will someday and you can renew this friendship post wedding craziness... but run away when she decides to have a baby for fear of "huge-event-insanity" relapse...just kidding! sort of :)
Craziness. A word of caution, if she agrees to buy it from you, make sure she pays in a cash.
Remember when she offerred to pay for your share of the festivities? Why doesn't she pay for the dress for the new girl since she asked her so late?
Can imagine what she'd be like leading up to her wedding day? Bridezilla...yikes.
Well, if she was willing to pay all that money to keep you in her bridal train, why can't she pony up this small dollar amount for a dress? And sorry to all the bees out there with huge wedding parties but seriously.... 10 bridesmaids???!! 
It's your dress, period. She has plenty of time to order another dress. Be glad you dodged that bullet, delete that whackjob's number and have yourself a glass of wine.
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